Oh poor you, hopefully you will be up and about soon, I’ve found walking has been helpful for me too, let’s my mind just process things. So much of what you’ve said I can relate to, Christmas was a big deal in our house too, in fact from Halloween onwards, was our favourite time of year. My birthday and, what would have been, our 20th wedding anniversary are coming up on the 20th and my husband would be all excited the week after to bring down all out decorations from the loft, so many lights in every room, a big tree and a smaller one in each of the kids room. I don’t know if I have the strength to go up there and get it all down.
As to your daughter, I think I would spoil her, I know it is just plastering over her hurt, but even a moment of happiness is worth it. The rest will come but it’s a long process I think. I have been over compensating, I know with mine, we have been on lots of days out, I know they are just distractions, and it doesn’t make it better, but it does give them a chance to smile or laugh, or just bicker, like they always did and that gives a moment of comfort. Hopefully the counselling will help you both, I tried cruse but they don’t offer it in my area, so am waiting on Sue Ryder at the moment. I’m also trying to be healthy as at one point if I even coughed my son was panicked that there was something seriously wrong with me, but sometimes I just want cake! xx
ha ha- same in this mad house. daughters birthdays before xmas, and one after- so always a couple of months of celebrations- not sure how I will cope.
yes, you are right @Lilyboost a moment of seeing children smile is probably worth it. Think once consultant says I can drive, I will take them out for shopping trip… sod it !
I cant understand the pain Im feeling- so I feel redundant as a mum trying to understand daughters pain- grief is so individual in the terms of processing it. I just keep telling them both Im super proud of them and they will at times have to dig deep…
We will both one weekend soon have to go up in the loft- our hubby’s will be proud x
Like you I lost my husband Paul 16 th Jan 2021 with covid Paul was also 60 still can’t believe it happened feels like he will be phoning at some point to be picked up from the hospital I’m also dreading Christmas how on earth will we get through it wish I could go asleep 1st dec wake up 1st Jan when it’s all over take care x
I’m so sorry for your loss. Like yourself my husband died very suddenly. A heart attack. One minute we was starting our day, then next he was gone.
I don’t want to live the next 30 years without him.
I work my way through each day, I try to put done structure in place, just so I don’t have to think to far a head.
I struggle to look at pictures of Martin. He looks so happy and well.
I feel so much anger …… I just want to scream
Dee xx
Same here Dee,it’s so so hard.
Hi we all join this line to hear each other stories.
It’s sad for all of us and nice to know that we are not alone in our grief 
.
I wish I was God and wave a magic wand and make your partners return and truly mean that.
I can’t really answer to how to cope with grief like you I have suffered and seems to be no end to it.
I try to keep your self busy in life and if you still have children still living with you it’s a bonus as they will understand your loss and give you more love.
I unfortunately alone with a empty house and try to imagine that she is still here and talk to photos.
These cold nights now don’t help and can’t wait for summer to return so I can get on with my hobbies again.
I glad I still have sisters to turn to has they have been a great help to me.
Love you all keep the stories coming in and maybe one day one of us will have the answer xxx
That is my wish to ,do not want Christmas this year,my wife always made it a special time and spoilt me always.Miss her like crazy,wish I could go to sleep and not wake up at all.Michael.
@Mickeyboy31 I too don’t want Christmas to happen and its everywhere at the moment. Can’t imagine being around all these happy people when all I want to do is cry and run away. Then comes new year, why do I want to celebrate a new year when Scott won’t be with me to start that new year with. Just so hard
I totally agree with you on both counts,what is there to celebrate,I mute the tv ads for Christmas ,cannot be watching all those people being happy,yes I am jealous of them of course.Just wany out of this unhappy miserable life that has been left to us.Michael.
Same here. My husband had just turned 60. If he had just stayed home that day I would still have him with me. I cannot look further than the day I am in. I do not want to go on for years without him. After 12 months I still shout and scream. Life is cruel.
Yes I still shout and scream her name to come back to me,life is so cruel ,why do we have to lose the one person that makes it all worth while,sleeping is a luxury,eating hardly,empty lonely house ,what is it all for now ,just to survive but for what,this life is nothing now,just want to go to sleep and not wake up ,is it possible.Michael.
Xmas will come and go my husband died 5weeks before Xmas and I just wanted to hide away everybody getting upset as there dad was there hero but got through it but it’s hard as the Xmas before he was okay and he loved Xmas but it’s a tough time my 11year old granddaughter wanted grandads tree up so she put it up take care annie x x
Hello Flantheman
I am with you there. I am new to the forum and my husband died on the 1st October. He was in hospital for two weeks and we fully expected him to be discharged - the nurses kept giving us dates. He died during a two and a half week stint in hospital. It all happened so quickly. He was diagnosed in hospital with an aggressive form of lymphoma. It claimed him so fast. I’m 49, no children and very few friends. We moved to our dream home 10 months ago and we were busy renovating. Nothing was finished when he died. I feel like my soul has been split open. I shift between being normal for a few hours and then howling with a broken heart. I’m finding it hard to function. GP prescribed Zopiclone for sleep, but if I don’t take them I can’t sleep at all. Health seems to be going downhill fast. I am contemplating going back to work next week. It’s important to have something to get up for but like you, god only knows whether I can function sleep deprived and sometimes wailing uncontrollably. I can’t quite walk around the village without remembering our walks and just crying with my head down as I walk. So the office might be risky. This is so damned painful. Some say I should give it more time rather than trying to mask the grief with work distractions. I guess we can only give it a go and make some tentative first steps, draw back if we need to?
I’m sending you big virtual hugs x
@Firefly72 reading your story was like reading my own. My Scott also died on the 1st October after exactly 3 weeks in hospital after being told he would be OK and out within 10 days. He was 51 3 days before he died. We moved to our dream home 2 years ago and although everything is done, it doesn’t feel the same without him here. I have so many questions that I can answer, should I stay here, should I move back down south where my friends and family are, as like you I don’t have children of my own, not many friends and family around here. I haven’t been in touch with my GP as I have lost a lot of faith in them and I just drag myself through each day. I have gone back to working as I work from home, so I can just sit at my laptop and cry if I need to, which I do all day most days. I don’t have any answers because I don’t know myself, but we can just take 1 minute at a time and if we don’t want to see anyone or do anything who says we have to. Sending you so hugs and much love and always here if you want a chat. I know it doesn’t take the pain and heartache away, but we know what we are all dealing with xx
Hello Jane25
It’s horrible isn’t it. It’s so beautiful here but I can’t see it. The house is lovely but I am starting to detest it because I feel so very resentful. It’s impossible to enjoy it now. Life is made for two and like everybody on this forum, we had such beautiful plans. They say you shouldn’t make any hasty decisions after bereavement but I think I will be putting this house on the market at some point. I can’t help but feel the house is less of a dream and investment and now more of a millstone. Too many hopes and dreams shattered. Country walks for one just don’t resonate. Thank you so much for your message, so good to reach out and to know we’re in similar situations. I’m happy to chat at any time too. Big hugs to you, we must try to keep showing up for ourselves - just not doing such a great job of that. Xx x
I hate the word widow as well I still am will always be Mrs [edited by moderator] lv annie x x
Me to @Annie11 I will always be Mrs [edited by moderator] and I will always be Scott’s wife xx
OMG I do feel so sorry for you,this cancer can be so cruel,it took my beautiful wife 5 weeks ago after 7 weeks in hospital.I also take Zopiclone but it only gives me a few hours sleep.7.5 strength.I also howl and scream for my wife,I miss her more than I could ever describe.This is not the life I want at my age 76,I am so scared of the future being on my own ,she would have coped better than me.Michael.
I am dreading Christmas will be the first one …Stephen was just 60…if I had gone furlough last Christmas I probably wouldn’t have got covid and may be he would still be here …
We are left with so many ‘if only…’ and too much time to ponder the different outcomes. My husband was not taken by covid and I have read so many sad stories of those who have lost someone because of this dreadful virus and it is heartbreaking.