Hi David,dreading Christmas like you,after over 50yrs with Steve hard to imagine he won’t be here havnt even put the tree up he used to put the decorations around,it’s heartbreaking
I have said I will go to my daughters,my son and family will be there,it’s just I don’t want to spoil everyone’s day I know they are grieving as well,I will have to try not to get to upset,but you know like I do when that overwhelming feeling comes it c
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didn’t finish,was going to say it can’t be stopped
Take care and you do what you feel best
Christine x
This nightmare just goes on and on for all of us.Losing our partners is so devastating.It is a living hell. I lost my darling Judith 10 weeks ago to stage 4 bladder cancer,might have been saved if Covid has been around.I have her ashes with me too,I talk to her all the time,miss her so much it hurts,I cry daily for her,and as for sleep well forget it,even pills only give me a couple of hours .I did not want this lonely life ,I thought we had more time together but cancer happened.I cannot see me living on nlike this ,it is too miserable and empty. Michael x
Flantheman
You are not being selfish, yes we are mothers but we are also wives and we have lost our longest loves, our futures and sometimes you have to let yourself feel like that, like your sadness matters too. I put on my Mum face most of the time because it’s so unfair that our kids have lost their dads, but when they are at school or in bed I cry for me and my loss and my anger.
My husbands ashes are still on my bookcase in my bedroom, they will stay there until I can scatter them in vegas, it was supposed to be the Grand Canyon but they do not allow that anymore, so once things settle down I shall scatter them in the grounds of the church we were married in over there and hope that will be okay with him. Natasha x
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Michael my life is empty too I just don’t know how I’ll carry on like this it’s a living hell nothing cheers me up and there is nothing that will cheer me up except being with Peter, the heartache is unbearable and all I do is keep crying it’s just draining me , just taken a tablet that the doctor gave me to calm myself down I’m in such a state, regards David x
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I am in pain tonight,crying like a baby,so alone and unhappy,nobody cares ,my family have forgotten me.They never call or visit.I just want to sleep and not wake up that would be my wish.No life anymore,no purpose,so lonely and empty.Hate being here alone. Michael x
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David I hate being here like this.Had a terrible day,the weather is awful.Hate wind and rain.So alone and unhappy,do not want this life anymore,just want to sleep and not wake up.I miss Judith so much it hurts.Life now without her is unbearable.I am so lonely.Nobody cares anymore.Wish I was brave enough to end it myself.Michael x
Ok Michael I’m so sorry you feel the same as I do I’m always here for you if you feel very low I care because I know how you feel it’s just draining every day when I go to bed at night I’m mentally exhausted with crying and thinking of Peter all day long, he was my whole world and he’s gone I just can’t except it that I’ll never see him again, regards David
Michael,don’t think no one cares,the lovely people on hereall care,we are all heartbroken,struggling with our losses
We both lost our wonderful partners around the same time,keep talking on here we need to help each other
Take care everyone
Christine x
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Please don’t feel alone. Yes the weather is horrible and it’s cold but through it all, every now and again, the sun shines through this miserable winter gloom. Don’t set yourself any major goals or chores but perhaps maybe just try to do one thing a day, indoors. Baby steps all the way. Try not to sit in silence, have the radio on in the background.
Stay warm and safe x 
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Thank you Christine ,I know you all care on here such lovely people.We are all on the same journey going through hell. Michael x
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I am also absolutely dreading Christmas, neither my husband or myself was bothered about it. We never got to spend a Christmas on our own doing what we wanted to do & we were looking forward to having that first Christmas when we could do whatever we wanted to but it wasn’t to be & it never happened.
Every year we had to go to my parents for xmas day & when his mother was still alive we would end up having to eat 2 Xmas dinners in one day!
After my dad died 14 years ago we had my mum here every year on Xmas day. This year I really can’t face it, cooking a meal I don’t want to eat, sitting around the table without him there. I have told my mother I don’t want to do it but she says I will have to because people will be asking her if she’s been to her daughters for Christmas! So I will just have to do it, I can’t leave her on her own on Christmas day but it is going to be horrendous. Sorry for the long rant, why can’t people just except our wishes & just give us a break? Why do they think Christmas is such a big deal & somehow overrides everything else. How can they expect you to sit there & be jolly & merry when yor heart is broken into a million pieces?
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I only have my two sons and my elderly mum now my Wife has gone. I have agreed to go to my sons fiancees family who have kindly asked us all on Xmas day but I am not driving the 2 hours until I wake up Xmas morning with my Wife’s ashes next to me and be with her in our home first.
Hi Keskai,I agree with you,just want it over and done with,I’m getting to be a hermit can’t face going into shops with Christmas music not even putting our tree up,nothing matters now Steve isn’t here to help with the decorations
Struggling again this morning not slept well,feel sick with grief not coping without him,don’t want to start another day it’s to sad
Take care
Christine x
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I thought I was getting on top of things, feeling so much better since I’ve been taking beta blockers but this Christmas thing is really bothering me & my anxiety is getting bad again. I know my mother is 92 & she has become quite insular & selfish but you’d think she would be able to understand just a little bit how I feel, after all she has been through it herself!
Sorry yo’re having a hard morning x
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Keskai,it’s a shame you should be able to do whatever you want to do not what other people expect,I know it’s difficult.
I’m going to ask my doctor about those tablets you have,I can’t go on feeling this bad,I hate my life at the moment,it’s getting worse
Christine x
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Christine they have helped me a lot, I hope you can get some relief as well. It sounds like you are in need of it x
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Thanks Keskai,I have a doctors phone call next week,will men them
Christine x
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Hi Christine,
sorry to hear you are having problems sleeping. l did too but in the end, opted for essential oils such as lavender on the pillow at bedtime and a few hot mugs of chamomile before bedtime. it it recommended as the most soothing and calming bedtime drink.
Take care, Eve 
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I signed up to audible & it sometimes helps me fall asleep after a few chapters of an audiobook. Meds didn’t help me at all.
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