l am so sorry for your sudden loss. Yes it is hell and nothing in this world can prepare you for the pain and angst. Like you, l too lost my healthy husband to covid aged 54 and he was gone within 3 weeks. You’re right about every pain or slight discomfort to your body. l felt exactly the same. l kept on feeling that l was finding lumps all over my body. Due to the pressures of covid though, l was never going pile pressure on the NHS so l have just sat here waiting knowing that when my time is up, that will be it. Sudden death definitely makes you more aware of your own mortality.
You are right to keep on taking one day at the time. You have to be strong for your children. They are all you have left. Have a look in your on line local area to see if there is a widow support group you can join for company with other ladies and for some moral support. it has helped me. Take care and keep on taking those baby steps xx
@Lilyboost
Thank you for your reply. It is so awful isn’t it. Losing our husbands at such a young age and so suddenly. You never know when it is your last kiss, your last hug, your last conversation, your last meal or date or take away. You just never think it’s going to happen. We had all these thoughts and plans and dreams…things we were looking forward to as a couple, as a family. Then, gone, snatched away just like that. Yes, a have 2 sons (aged 11 and 13) and they won’t have their dad to guide them (as a man) through puberty and adolescence. You’re right though, we do need to push those thoughts aside because they can be all consuming and we need to focus on one day at a time and keep pressing on because our children need us. I know where my husband is and I will one day meet him again. But this life will never be the same without him. He was an amazingly loving, generous and kind man who blessed and touched the lives of all those he met.
Take care and thank you for responding to my message.
You sound like me - virtually everything you have said and done - that is me … I feel horrible when I have to think about finances … Brian died in September - he was 53 and my daughter has just turned 14 … every day just seems impossible and then my daughter walks in and I try to be ‘normal’ … I read grief is like you put a face on when you are with family or friends but inside you are screaming … I think I have cried every day since he was diagnosed in July last year, all through his illness and now that he has died - it’s worse … it seems endless
@eveham
Thank you for your response to my message. My husband also died of Covid within 3 weeks, from being completely healthy. It’s unbelievably shocking and devastating isn’t it. I still cant believe he’s not here any more. I have been looking online for local support groups but I can’t seem to find one near me, they are all miles away. It would be so helpful to meet up with comma either face-to-face or online, people in the same situation as us who understand the feelings of grief that we are going through.
@jmcm132
Oh I am so sorry for your loss. I am so sorry for your daughters loss of her dad too. It’s so so heart breaking Nothing can prepare you for it. No one expects their husband to die so young or for a child to lose their dad so young. There are no words to explain the pain. Thinking of you xx
We are all here to support each other. l live near Swindon in Wiltshire and l keyed in widow/ support groups in my area. l can help you do some further research into your area to see if there is anything close by to where you live. Just drop me a line of the nearest town to you and l will do some research on your behalf to see what l can come up with., regarding support groups.
Your children need you but you also need some support to help get you through this ordeal. Try and have a decent night, sending you hugs xx
@eveham
The nearest town to me is either Aberdare or Merthyr Tydfil. Thank you so much for doing research on my behalf, I really appreciate that. I wish there was a way we could directly message each other or even video call. Xx
Morning everyone. Another terrible night of no sleep and just deep distress, 10 weeks today and not getting any easier getting harder if anything.
The undertaker rang me this morning to tell me Scott’s ashes were ready to come home and I felt all brave until he turned up with them and now i just feel even more devastated. I know that he has gone and is never coming home, but it just seems so final now.
Just don’t know how I am going to carry on. Scott had only just been 51, we had so many years left together and it has been taken away from me.
Such tough times for us all and at least being able to share this makes me feel that I know people understand what I am going through.
Hi Jane - I know exactly how you feel. It seems hopeless to me … I don’t think I’ll ever get over this. I lost Brian 13 weeks ago. He was 53. I feel so lost without him. We were together for 35 years. I cannot imagine my life without him.
Morning Jane,you are on a similar time line to me my husband passed 11 weeks this Sunday,do you find everything is getting worse,not sleeping,anxiety really strugglingÌ can’t stop crying
I know Steve wouldn’t want me to be so bad,don’t think I’ll ever get over him not being here
I’ve got his ashes I fèl the need to keep them with me,your right it does make things feel so final
It’s good we can share our heartbreak knowing we are not on our own with this pain of grief
ditto- 14 wks yesterday- and last 2 days for some reason been horrendous. no sleep, feel awful, dark/low mood and thoughts. spent all night watching the funeral service and crying to the music.
christmas period I think is pushing me over the edge- I look at our youngest - 14 and think how awful for her… but I cant get into the spirit of things.
Sean’s ashes are still in downstairs cupboard- I sprinkled a few of them in the sea at Crete several weeks ago- it was his nieces wedding- so I flow out for 4 days to be in attendance…
The remaining ones- I just dont know what to do with them- and cant face that closure at the moment
It is still all so raw for all of us- but last night I genuinely thought I couldnt go on- didnt want to- and thats so selfish as a mother… so that made me more upset.
Today is another day- and I have booked myself in for some self care- getting my nails done- dont really feel strong enough, but I need to get out of the house. Booked in diff nail salon, but already dreading general chit chat around " are you ready for xmas" etc…
Im trying so hard to focus, but currently Im a zombie- couple of friends/neighbours rang me last night- and they just dont get the pain- unfortunately all you on here do… my friends mean well and Im glad they dont understand how I feel- but some times it just doesnt help my recovery. the usual words being said/heard of but you so strong Lisa you can do this… previous life/situations/work pairs insignificance to this torture
I have just had a major meltdown , I have just been into the city centre and Christmas songs all over the place I just wanted to melt away and never come back , this time last year me and Peter we’re getting ready for Christmas never realising it was our last one together this would have been our 39 th together, I’m just empty inside and completely heartbroken after 21 weeks without him, life is meaningless now I just want to be with him.David
I have my mum and aunt coming next week and I’m looking forward to seeing them as I am quite isolated where I live. I am however going back home with them for Christmas as everyone kept saying I shouldn’t be on my own, but my anxiety is high anyway and it’s getting worse thinking about leaving here and being around people.
I know they want the best for me and I know it’s probably not best to be on my own, but I just want it all to be over.
Thinking of you and everyone on here who is going through such distressing and heartbreaking times.
David thinking of you it is such a hard time without Christmas on top of everything we are having to cope with.
I haven’t been near shops done everything on line I just can’t face it. Seeing everyone so happy and looking forward to Christmas, I want to be one of them with Scott by my side.
Thank you Jane I can’t believe I have got through 21 weeks without Peter,it’s been the hardest time of my life just like it is for everyone else on here who is going through a living hell, my heart is broken without Peter he was my soulmate without him I am nothing but an empty shell ,David x
Hi Jane,I understand what you are saying about going to family at Christmas my daughter wants me to go to home Christmas eve and stay overnight,family will be there the following dates making me feel anxious I know they don’t want me to be on my own,and I suppose they are right but the thought of not being in my own home Christmas morning upsets me even though the one person I want won’t be here,I’m dreading it,don’t know how to deal with trauma
Everything is getting worse,absolutely heartbroken
I hope it works out for you,you should be with family
Take care of yourself
Christine I was invited to spend Christmas Day with some family members I said yes at first but then I thought I don’t won’t to be away from my house that me and Peter lived in for the last 35 years so I am staying at home I know I will be crying all day but at least I can be close to Peter in our house and cry and not feel I am embarrassing people, regards David x
Nothing can prepare you for it. No one expects their husband to die so young or for a child to lose their dad so young. There are no words to explain the pain. Thinking of you xx