Yes all so hard,need a whisky to cope with all.
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Yes every day.Michael.
Yes I know ,this is a pain like no other,nobody warns you what it will be like,the sick feeling all the time,you look at food and turn away,so unhappy all the time, trying to accept what has happened also so hard,seems unreal at times until you see the empty settee where she used to lay and watch tv with me.Hate this life that has been thrust upon us all on here.I will never let go and doubt if I will ever move on.Michael.
Hope today you can cope ok Michael I can tell how I am going to be and I know when the tears will come it’s just soul destroying, David
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Hi yes ,another day to cope with on your own no doubt.Just been in garden to rake up the leaves but back inside now staring into space.Had a bit of a cry for my darling Judith .Oh how I miss her loving touch and smile,this life is awful without her,how are we ever going to carry on like this.I got a friend to see this morning so that will be some comfort.I am totally lost though without Judith.32 years and now nothing .Michael.
It’s 38 years for me Michael I hate getting up and thinking what I am going to do today, I got a kitten in September so first thing in a morning I empty litter tray and wipe tops down, feed him he’s called Casper both Peter and I always loved cats I tell Casper how much Peter would have loved him, I’m crying typing this same old thing every day .
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It’s the hardest thing ever went for meal yesterday with my children cried at the menu as saw things john ordered take care everybody lots of love annie x
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@dreamliner it is the hardest thing of all our lives to lose a loved one. I was with my hubby 20 yrs and now its 9wks since he died… Im taking each day as it comes- which is v difficult. We have a dog- Darcy- and it was Sean’s job to walk her every morning- I now find myself at 8am walking up the lane he did- some days I put my head down and think this is what he did- other days I manage to breathe in the fresh air and walk. I am learning; painfully to take each minute by minute.
I talk to Darcy, silly things like come on- we have to stick together now. I cuddle her every night watching TV- its very lonely. Then I find myself sat on the lounge floor playing with her with her balls- cos thats what Sean did at night. I did it without even thinking about it…
Our emotions/memories will always grab us when unexpected- things people say, content on programmes, triggers of their likes/dislikes- I think we just have to let it happen- Im used to breaking down crying now- one minute I feel calm. The next emotion just takes hold…
Its healthy to cry and so we should !
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You always will be your husband love of your life so your his wife till the end always lv annie x
Married to our wonderful husbands till the end so we are not widows we are still married to wonderful men lv annie x
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I went out for a walk this morning, it was raining but I couldn’t bare to stay in the house all day, I walk the same walk I did with Peter passing a bench a certain tree anything we passed together it hurts me so much, I was crying on my walk as I always do every day I had an umbrella up because of the rain so no one could see me crying I felt like screaming I’m in so much pain and I’m heartbroken but I didn’t. David
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You must cry it helps .Michael.
You must cry,I cry all the time when I think about my Judith.I talk to her all the time,tell her what I am doing .This such a lonely life now,overwhelming grief,pain,sick feeling every day .Michael.
I’ve just had a really bad melt down I’m feeling so low I wish I wasn’t here I want to be with Peter I’m hurting so much right this moment I’m scared .David
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Take deep breaths David,its normal to have these feelings,it will pass ,I get these to,if u can go for a walk ,just breath let the tears flow.
Hi @dreamliner,
I’m so sorry to hear about Peter. It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment and you are feeling really overwhelmed. It’s completely natural to cry, please don’t be afraid to let it out.
It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
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- Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
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- Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
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- You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline .
Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
There’s support out there to help you through this.
Take care of yourself,
Becca
Thanks Becca I already see my doctor he’s helping all he can, I go to Maggies Bereavement Centre which is close to Christie Cancer Hospital I’m waiting to go on a bereavement course, I just miss Peter so much he was my whole world and we did everything together I’m so lonely and vulnerable at the moment, the grief is overwhelming. David
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Hold on David we are with you.I get these melt downs every day over Judith.Have a really good cry let it pour out of you.It does hurt so much and it is so scary,I also don’t want to be here but what do you do about [edited by moderator] my life is so empty now without Judith by my side.Thinking of you David. Michael.
Dear David
The physical and mental effects of what we are going through are horrendous. This feeling of being so low and having your soul split open and being so very exposed and raw seems to be what we need to endure. I too have moments when I really do not think I am going to get through. I have no idea how I am going to cope. My husband died on the 1st October and I’m struggling to get through each day. But each moment during the day is different and I find that there are moments of absolute horror and disbelief and other moments where I might seem normal. Just know that you are going to oscillate and that you need to take each minute at a time. The pain is intense, you can’t stop your heart from racing, you don’t know how on earth you are going to survive another second or get through this feeling of absolute pain and longing. I know. I’m having one of those days. I too went on a walk today that my husband and I have done before and the grief was overwhelming - each step, each tree, each bend in the road - Keith saw/did this. I feel like it’s getting worse not better for me but I also think it’s one of those days and will be one of so many that we need to learn to weather and bend with - if that makes sense. I suspect you feel brittle and that you will break - you won’t - you’re stronger than you think. We’re here for you and I am so comforted that you are all here for me. Much love, xx
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Thank you to everyone for your kind words, you think you are on your own then people tell me they are going through the same trauma, it does help talking on here to other people who have been thrown into this horrible trauma we’re all going through . David
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