Oh David I know how you feel,I was up at 5.00am drinking tea unable to get to sleep ,this is going to be another hard day,Sundays were special to Judith.I speak to her all the time,oh how I wish she was still with me,I am so unhappy with life as it is now.It does not take much to make me cry these days,anything sentimental on tv and I am away again.I long to see her again.I share your grief and pain David.Judith was a very special lady.Michael.
OMG another so sad story,my heart goes out to you,he was so young.My wife passed away 6 weeks ago from stage 4 bladder cancer,I nursed her for 7 weeks in hospital feeding her ,loving her ,cuddling her all the time.I was shattered when passed away in the hospice 4 days after arriving there.So quick I still find it hard to accept that she is gone.My life in ruins.Michael.
@EllenAsh oh dear, yes similar sad tales. I think it is the shock of that night and trauma that overwhelms be on top of the grief. My hubby too- healthy and no outward sign something sinister going on inside with his arteries !
I felt ok yesterday- until early evening I was on child taxi run and found myself driving in the night absolutely crying my eyes out- hate it when the emotions hit you out of nowhere. I feel so tired and drained constantly- thats why Im a little hesitant to return to work.
We both had been working from home, but the week before we had a week off work. the morning he died he was due to drive to a meeting in Birmingham so alarm set for 5am. During the early hours he was up and down pacing saying he wasnt well and chest pains- this is the guilt that torments me- I didnt ring for help at the point. this will haunt me forever. He was a dramatic patient and knowing his characteristics I genuinely thought he was over exagerating symptoms…
How wrong I was !
I am left feeling the worse wife ever !
I also am struggling with what appears to be the world made for two’s/couples. starting back to bloody Noah !
I will always be the single one at meals, going out. hate this. and the thought that no one will ever say I love you to me again, or more precise Sean…
Tough journey, that I so wish I wasnt on…
I relate to your statement about your Graham being fun, Sean was the life and soul and I too think he wouldnt want me upset- BUT how can we not be… our world is ripped up.
I too, plowing through paperwork- this was his area, and on reflection, most of the home stuff was. so Im on a very steep learning curve.
I have been paid out for his pension and insurance- which then presents a problem- what is the best financial move to make- I dont want the money- but I have to think of the world left- this is survival. I will still have to work, but some pressure will be removed ( although I wish this wasnt happening).
Sean was always trying to plan for when I would be 55 and our finances would be better so I could opt to work part time… It destroys me that now there is money to pay mortgage off. He would have loved that ! huge debt gone- this hurts… and feels wrong…
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My heart goes out to every one of you, I find Sunday’s the worst day of the week it’s so depressing all I do is think of Peter the 39 years we had together I’m broken inside and I can’t see how it will ever change.David
Oh David, I totally agree about Sundays, they are the worst for me too. It’s a day I don’t meet anyone and I can go for a couple of days without speaking to anyone. It’s dreadful isn’t it? Like you I was with my husband for 39 years. It’s a lifetime. I feel like we’ll never get over this dreadful loss. If it’s any consolation I feel exactly like you. Our hearts are shattered.
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Yes our hearts are broken and I can’t see it will ever mend people say it gets easier with time but right now that seems impossible, just had yet another cry I can’t believe the tears can keep coming.David
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Totally agree with every word.Life as we knew it is over.Hate this being alone.I should have gone first.Michael.
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agree. All our lives changed the moment our loved ones died… We are all diff now. nothing can change that…
I have had a really tough few days- cant stop crying, feel emotionally drained and empty.
But I did at lunch drag myself out the door to take the dog on a walk- we walked through the village- a walk done every day with my late hubby. There were moments on the walk it was painful to walk the same steps alone; yet also pride in myself for doing this…
I need to learn to take care of my self- self-care now is crucial- yet the hardest thing to do. I think of Sean and in my head I hear his voice, saying come on get out, do things. so for that I am digging dip and doing small things
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…it is hard but good for you xx sending you best wishes.
I know I am capable of doing and looking after myself but the problem I have is without my husband I have no desire to. It’s only because I have my dog to look after and the fact I couldn’t cause my parents or family to feel this pain that I’m still here at all.
Dee xxx
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thank you. I may feel different tomorrow- but I need to learn to roll with each day as they come. I also find that quite hard to handle. the unexpected emotions and feelings. No idea of what tomorrow or the following hour brings
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we all know we are capable- we all did such simple tasks before !
I agree- the wish, the desire changes our outlook. We have to find strength and courage through our loss- but its not the emotion that comes first is it? I too have had moments of thinking I cant, do want to go on with life solo… but we have 2 daughters and a doting dog that I need to care and continue living for. One day the grief may not be as intense as it is now, and there maybe happy days around the corner… I just dont know or feel that now.
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I totally agree the emotions are not in our control it’s minute by minute when will this ever stop the pain is unbearable the feeling of panic and anxiety it terrible we will come through it just don’t know when take care x
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Very true,emotions all over the place,one minute you think you are ok then bang it hits you again that you are alone without the one you loved most in the world.The empty feeling deep inside takes over ,you feel sick ,cannot eat just want to cry.Cannot sleep ,here I am at just after 6am on here reading how other people are not coping with this living hell we are in.Michael.
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we are all feeling the same emotions, just possibly at different times.
It is the worse thing ever to happen to me, to all of us.
Yesterday I struggled, but today is a new day and not sure what that will bring or feel like yet.
I am learning to let it go when moments arise. and to let the tears flow. It is healthy to release and not feel bad or ashamed…
Bereavement is the biggest mountain we all have to climb- but we can take it in stages Im sure or rest when we cant go any further. and start again another day x
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That is such a good message,very positive,let the tears flow yes everyday.I cry in front of my friends as well,because we loved them so much is why it hurts so much.Huge mountain to climb and then we might not feel any better without them.Worst feeling in the world grief.Michael.
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I agree Michael when you lose your husband or wife its totally different than anything I have experienced by other sad losses.Never known so much pain,heartbreaking crushed feeling,I will never get over this it is the worst feeling in the world,I am breaking down constantly it still doesn’t feel real,never will.Take care of yourself x
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I understand what your feeling my husbands first memory tomorrow just sitting thinking about this time last year I remember every little detail he had lung cancer we went to bed that night and I found him dead next morning it’s heartbreaking but I will try my best to get through tomorrow as my children are coming and granddaughter big hugs annie x
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Hi, my husband also died unexpectedly eight weeks ago and I feel just like you. The void is terrible, I write to my husband every day and frequently talk to him. I’m still expecting him to come home really, even though I was with him when he died, that’s like another separate part of my life that I can’t accept. Since he died I am worried about money, I’m desperately lonely, even when I have company, I’m frightened about my future and I’m desperate not to become the proverbial burden on my son but fear that I already am.
You see, you are not alone, which probably doesn’t help much but perhaps just being able to share what your going through will help. X
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Will be thinking of you. I did the same on my husband’s first memory. Sat looking at the clock at each critical time.
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