Sending you love and strength for tomorrow will be thinking of you my husband passed January don’t know how I have got through this last 10 months it all seems so unreal thank god for this site take care x
I lost my husband, also suddenly, 7 weeks today. Happy to chat if you’d like to. Sandra x
Well I have slept about 4hrs,now back to another day without my husband,my heart is pounding,I feel sick at the thought of him not being here,I still shout out for him nothing seems real, this is unbearable I miss him so much since he passed away 6weeks ago absolutely heartbroken
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Morning Christine,
I hope you find the strength to hang on in there. I’m 8 months in to this journey and although I still miss Martin so much things have got a little easier, in the sense although the pain is still there it’s so intense.
The crazy thing is when other suffers would say the same thing to me and couldn’t belief it because I couldn’t see how things could be any different.
It kind of creeps up on you and you look back and suddenly realise things have shifted slightly.
That said I would like to be so much further down the line. It’s a very exhausting time.
Apart from wishing my husband was still here, I wish we were not so scattered around this country, it would be lovely to just be able to pop in and out of each other’s life’s to offer support, have a cuppa together, offer a shoulder to cry on.
To physically be there for each other to take the loneliness away.
Take care today,
Dee xx
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I am slightly comforted by reading your message,and that you feel as I do,this terrible void we are now living in,I had a very bad evening last night,started to panic ,started texting friends ,I too am very lonely and the accepting that they are gone is so hard to understand.The future scares me loads,I am not seeing much of a life there for me now that Judith has gone.Yes it does help a little to share our immense grief.Michael.
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Hi Christine ,looks like we are suffering this living hell together on here,everything you say is true,last evening I had a big meltdown ,I was a mess again,crying for her out loud,missing her like crazy,hate being on my own like this in an empty house.Thinking of you take care Michael.
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Morning Christine,I slept a bit better last night,the pill did help for a change.The heart pounding and the sick feeling are daily things,another day to get through as you say ,we miss them so much because we loved them so much.My Judith loved Christmas,she would spoil me with lots of little presents on Christmas morning before giving me a bigger present and then she loved all the Christmas foods ,oh how am I going to get through it this year without her.I already mute the adverts on tv ,cannot bear to see all those happy people with their families.We are on the same timeline ,Judith has been gone 6 weeks now,I just cannot see a future for me but what do you do.My heart is in pieces.Michael.
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Dear Micheal,
I know what you mean about seeing people with their spouses and families. I see women of my age out with their husbands and it completely floors me. I don’t resent them having eachother I just can’t cope with not having my husband with me still physically. I seem to have unwillingly joined a group of anonymous people who don’t fit into the couples box any more. The people you see having coffee on their own, sitting on a bench on their own, out walking on their own. The morning after he died I wrote on my face book page that if people saw me out in the street I didn’t want them to avoid me because they didn’t know what to say to me. I asked them to walk straight up to me and ask what had happened, tell me their experiences of my husband, not to ignore that he had died. It has helped a bit, friends are supportive but only the very closest are comfortable being with me, the others are obviously frightened I’m going to cry or talk too much about my husband.
At Christmas our day always started with us and our hulking great 33 year old son sitting on our bed opening our stockings, we would take it in turns so that we could all see what we had got, the last thing we all had was a Terry’s chocolate Orange which we all opened at the same time, pretending to be surprised. This year I’m making two new stockings out of the fabric from my husbands ties. I have unpicked them all and will make a sheet of fabric with them. When my son finds a partner and if he has children I will use the fabric to make them all new stockings for Christmas. That way he will still be with us and with them. He is determined that his children will know their Grandfather. We might not be able to keep his body alive but we are going to keep him alive.
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it is easy to hear others around us- who may not have lost a loved one- say to us that time heals and the pain remains but dilutes. So I take comfort to hear from you that it can come true- Although 10 wks this morning my hubby died and I am trying to adjust- it is so draining and Im tired constantly. I didnt sleep last night- I dont on a wed & thurs due to horrid memories.
I agree, to sit and talk face to face with someone who really understands our thoughts and pain would be superb for all our grieving and to reach out to someone who just gets the emotions… I have some support around me, but they dont understand- days when I dont want to talk to anyone, days when I just want to cry, days when I want to talk about Sean…
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Such a bad day yesterday, the anxiety, sadness and grief was just unbearable. It will be 6 weeks tomorrow since Scott died and it just seems to be getting harder and harder to deal with him not being here.
I feel so exhausted by it all but only get a couple of hours sleep a night if I am lucky. I’m so lonely and the dark nighttime make it even worse for me.
When I read everyone’s posts I feel like I can share how I’m feeling and won’t be criticised for feeling this way.
Scotts ashes are ready to come home, but I’m just not ready and this makes me feel so guilty as I should want him home, but I suppose in a stupid way this will make it totally final for me
Take care today everyone xx
@Mol I so relate to this- I too resent couples- in a nice way…but I will always be the solo one, the odd number created in any future outings. It hurts like hell…
Love the idea of the ties and stockings- that is so lovely and to pass on to future generations- adorable- well done you for having the desire and energy to do this. Its brilliant… I Have a wardrobe of my hubbys ties and they hang there yet- if I new how to sew I may do this for any future grandkids !
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@Jane25 10 weeks today for me… seems like yesterday; but also a different lifetime.
I waiting over a week to feel strong to collect the ashes- I cried on the journey there and home… But one morning I woke up and said right todays the day- His niece (38yr) came with me, and we talked constantly about him.
He’s now in the cupboard under the stairs with all his golf bags- dont know yet what Im doing with them…
I have found the last week much harder- it is still early days for you and me, I think its the realisation kicking in.
First few weeks are fuelled by process and plans- now we are more alone- we sit and contemplate and worry and feel pain.
Im trying to get out walking every day- it is helping
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Try asking a local patchwork group. So often there are women there whose husbands have died and you might find they would be willing to make you a sheet of patchwork fabric from your husbands ties. I’m sure there must be many people in the same boat and I wish that there was some way of finding out locally who is so that we could get together and do things like make memory quilts or tie Christmas stockings and talk about when that shirt was bought or who gave him that tie or where she bought that dress or what she wore with that shirt. Just selecting which ties to use and which ties my son wanted to keep was cathartic. As I unpicked them I realised some were from my father as well, my mother gave them to my husband when my father died. It was quite soothing.
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a neighbour of mine is into sewing and crafts- when kids were younger she would be the one that Brownie badges were dropped at her door to sew on ! - Im useless… May ask her for ideas- thank you x
My husband is in his wardrobe, waiting for me to find a wood turner to make a vessel to keep his ashes in. When I die our son wants to take some of the mixed ashes to have a diamond made and the rest he will mix together and throw over the cliff where my husband scattered his parents ashes. I’ve told him to watch which direction the wind is!
I had asked my cousin to come with me to collect his ashes. She had come for the weekend, but she told me that she had to go and see her friend so could come with me. Death really shows you who you can rely on.
X
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I am crying now ,reading your message,I have a bad night every night,broken sleep is usual,bad appetite,lost stone and a half,look 10 years older,what life is this we have been left.I hate every minute of every day now without her.Nothing matters anymore,housework,cooking ,I do washing only when I have to.Our garden is 100 x65 how am I supposed to look after that ,Judith was an excellent gardener,I am not.I am starting to clear kitchen cupboards of tins and packets that I will never use,giving them away.I am completely drained now,numb,empty,unhappy,what do I do ? Michael.
That is a lovely story .Thank you.Michael.
it certainly does- but also consider that friends/family may mean well- but they too can struggle with it and often decline help due to their coping strategies…just a thought- but there are people out there that can be sieved out at times like this.
I mix some of my late mum and dad and we did a ceremony at sea on a cruise- it was v much a moment of gauging the wind as I dropped when the captain told me the biodegradable box over the side- never mind loose ashes…
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Dear Jane,
I know what you mean. The first few weeks are filled with paperwork, the funeral, people sending cards and flowers, people phoning… too much stuff. Then you have the funeral and the world stops. The paper work still arrives but the rest evaporates.
I’ve found the thing to do is to contact people, invite them from lunch, coffee, dinner… show them that I am still alive and need to talk about anything, including my husband but not exclusively. Interestingly the first time all they seem to want to talk about is my husband, what happened, why it happened, after that it becomes more general and they start to relax.
Good luck.x
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@Mickeyboy31 I too have lost over a stone… clothes are hanging off me- but I have just started to eat more. I still dont have an appetite, but Im making sure i eat some food now…
we are all different- but I have found myself at times, getting quite OCD with the house- thinking that Sean spent so long decorating/doing up that I have found this deep rooted desire to make sure I keep the house in order. Can you found any thoughts on this? and give yourself a task , perhaps today to spend , even 10 mins cleaning/tidying in memory of your late wife?
Could you go out in the garden and admire that garden she looked after- even crying as you wander- but think of her- she would want the garden to look nice Im sure- pick up fallen leaves etc…
And if you cant today- leave it- try again tomorrow and so on
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