Hi, after 3 years and 6 months I have joined a dating app. How do you get over the rejection when you chat on the phone or spend a couple of weeks texting- and then nothing? I belong to a rambling group, I go to the allotment. I would love to have a special male friend but it doesn’t seem to be happening. I’m slim, fit, although I’m 67 I’m still naturally brown haired. It’s disappointing really.
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You just have not met the right person.
might take time.
I was at a dinner and the couple in their mid-70s married only eight years.
He was Jewish she was Korean.
They met on Match.
I know two other instances where people 70 met again and married though they knew each other before.
With the right person, it works. Easy to give up but if you want it, it is the odds you must battle.
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You sound lovely, I tried some dating sites, but they seem solely concerned with money and more than a bit unbelievable.
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Only people who have lost their soul mate will understand what it’s like - the opinions of others are irrelevant and insensitive.
I was with my darling Sharon since our teens - totally devoted and then we found a new level beyond that when she was diagnosed with Stage 4 pancreatic and liver cancer and I cared for her every need in every way 24/7 for 3 years.
No other person could ever match that, particularly a divorcee looking for an improvement.
Although my darling told me she wanted me to have another partner, that will never happen: not only because (whilst one day I may like female companionship) I don’t ever want another deep love partner but, and here’s the thing… even if I wanted that, the poor person could never match my memory of my darling sweetest Sharon.
So, that is now my life - over.
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That’s so true DenisS. I attended a very good friends funeral on Tuesday & her husband looked broken, I felt his pain. That’s what it feels like to lose your soul mate, the person you chose & who chose you to spend their life with. I read how you cared for your darling wife & that love runs so deep doesn’t it?
During the wake I was asked out for a drink by two separate gentlemen, both divorcees & whilst I said thank you & perhaps it did boost my morale, it brought it home that, whilst after nearly 3 years I miss male company, I don’t want any mixed signals, I don’t want an intimate relationship if that makes sense. I feel the only people that would understand that are those who have lost their “One”.
I’m trying to find a road through where I’m happy enough on my own, although my life as it should have been ended the day My Derek passed, I’ve potentially (who knows) a lot of years ahead of me. I can’t spend it just waiting for the day we’re reunited.
Sending love & strength to everyone battling on 
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Hi Jodel
That’s just how I feel.
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@Jodel712 Yes, I totally agree - caring for your soul mate adds another dimension beyond understanding.
Yes - I totally understand not wanting another loving relationship - whilst I would probably like female company for lots of different and varied reasons, quite simply I could never love again like I love my darling Sharon so can’t offer the commitment I guess someone would want. I guess the answer would be a few girlfriends (walking, cinema, restaurants, fireside TV, travel etc) - but no single partner, and I suspect that is far too complicated for people. And I really can’t imagine divorcees understanding what it is like to be bereaved of your partner - and I certainly can’t be bothered to explain…
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I feel exactly the same as you, although only 9 weeks today I lost my Paul it’s still early days I could never imagine anyone even coming close to what he was I truly had 1 in a million and I am only 50 so looking at a long road ahead. At this minute cannot even think of carrying on my life without him, but I get up everyday for my kids.
Each to there own there’s no right or wrong way to do it. Some will move on and marry again I suppose. Doesn’t mean to say you can’t eventually live a different life without them we really have no choice but for me I couldn’t see another taking his place. I will always be married to him x
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I know exactly what you mean I lost my husband 10 months ago. He always said that if anything happened to him he hoped I would meet someone else. I told him no chance I wouldn’t want anyone else. Never dreaming that I would be losing him for many years to come. He was only 73, he wasn’t I’ll he just went suddenly. He was only a few years older than me but I know I would never replace him. No one could ever take his place and I don’t want them to. Maybe in time I wouldn’t mind friends, you know someone to talk to maybe go for a meal or day out but as for anything more, no thank you. He was the only one I want to be with. I had been with him since I was 16 and knew then that he was the one
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No one ever takes their place .
However you can find a new way of loving someone, you don’t have to be alone .
I totally understand the soulmate aspect and how this incredible deep love never ends , to contemplate life without a partner terrifies me , I need someone in my life to love me and I them I guess is my point .
However I do understand that I may never get what I had with my wife , who knows but it shouldn’t mean that I can’t try with someone if I’m completely honest with them.
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I understand how you feel and that’s personal to you, however at this moment I could never think about having anyone else.
I don’t think I would rule out friendship but I could never feel the same way about anyone, Paul was my soulmate and it doesn’t terrify me that I won’t have some to be my partner and love, it terrifies me that I won’t have Paul there for the rest of my life. I hope you find what your looking for as it a long hard road for us all. x
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Hi Lesley
I was married to my wife for over 30 yrs when I lost her in April 2019. I never thought I’d meet another soulmate. However, two years later I met a wonderful woman. Fortunately, she was so caring and understanding of my loss. It was so difficult at first. At times we felt as if we were in a three way relationship with my late wife. The way we got around my late wife was to talk about her as a good friend who was no threat to us. I felt I had met a one in million amazing woman and eventually we both fell in love. We looked at life in a whole new way after realising how fragile life can be. Out walking, weekend trip and planning so many dream trips. So it is possible to meet another soulmate. Sadly for me a have just lost my second soulmate on 39th Sept after only twenty months. I know how difficult it was too find the second love of my life and just don’t know if I’ll ever find another person who will be so understanding. At this time just trying to get through the raw stages of grief for the second time and I’m only 59. I will say it is so difficult for a widow/widower to but one day hopefully you will find someone who can understand your feelings like I did. You take care
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Hi as you said its there issue.
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I knew to the dating again as well, after 46 years of marriage. I missed a partner. The male companionship. I find myself drawn to widows. The guys I talk to, have been happily married. And want that same kind of relationship again.
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@Shannon46 I guess that is probably true of widowers, but I will NEVER love again like I do my darling Sharon - and even if I did want another partner, they wouldn’t understand I can’t offer that level of commitment or love.
But not a problem for me: I may like girlfriends one day, BUT I don’t think any would understand that I can’t offer what they want (especially divorcees looking for an “improvement”).
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Well Dennis, I’ve only been without 9 months. I do hope there’s another Love of my life. After 46 years of happy marriage, I would like to think I could have to that again. It won’t definitely make me sad, to think that there is not another great love for me. At least you know your limitations and you’re not leading anybody on. My philosophy is to learn from the past, live in the present, and hope for the future. As much as I love my husband, I know I will never love anybody in place of him. But I do hope I will love them for all their qualities. And he will always be my 1st love and my 1st husband. But that doesn’t mean my 2nd love and my 2nd husband couldn’t be wonderful as well. And I think the heart has the ability to love more than one person in a lifetime.
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Well said Shannon after 42 years of blissful happiness I know I need to love again, and I hope that will happen one day.
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Thank you so much @Lesley4 and Teena.
I have been coming to this conclusion myself. I’m realising that I need to have my late husband ‘in the room’. I need to be able to talk about him as if he just popped out for some milk. I can chat about him easily with friends and family and with the passing of time we are remembering the good times as well as endlessly discussing the pain and trauma of his horrible illness and death. That process is ongoing and I’m beginning to understand that it will be hard to meet someone who’s ego can cope with that. Is it a man thing? I feel that if I met a widower I would like to hear about his ex wife. His love for her would demonstrate his ability to form a deep attachment. That feels normal, like discussing one’s late parents with that mixture of love, admiration, a bit of mirth and some irritation! I wouldn’t expect to compete with that, just to find something new to share together.
I’m about to start my dating journey. I have quite low expectations actually and I’m trying to walk a line between expecting to live out my life alone, being joyful that I can make my own decisions, have more space in the wardrobe and the bed, and nursing the small flame of hope that I will meet a gentleman with a kind heart and a warm smile to share my life with. Whenever I try to give up this idea I become quite depressed so onwards! Let’s live hopefully xxx
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Thank you for being so positive, we can get a little maudlin here.
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To everyone who kindly responded to my original thread of dating after bereavement; I thank you all for taking the time to reply and so many interesting views and perspectives. Ultimately I was reminded that although we have a common theme of loss and pain, we are all individuals in the end and what is right for us is, well, right for each individual alone. Somebody mentioned that they struggled to date divorcees because there can be bitterness and acrimony/resentment introduced in to the mix from difficult marriages. This helped me identify why I have been struggling to engage with the dating scene. Because all I bring is good and positive notions of a long and lovely marriage and makes me feel even less connected when I hear others talk about how challenging they found there partners. I think its that profound sense of not relating to others in the dating game, despite meeting some very pleasant people. Have realised that I am happier and more content to accept my lovely past, wonderful present and a future of family and friends. Perhaps not the whole package but hardly to grumble about. Thank you for all your perspectives, xx
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