@Rosylee65 I think you have the correct approach, spoken as a widower who will always love my wife until my last breath (and hopefully thereafter).
It is totally unrealistic to expect a widow or widower to “move on”, but I suspect divorcees etc simply won’t understand that?
I agree everyone is different, and as all loves are different, all widows / widowers will want something different - but in my opinion no one can live up to a memory…?
And as you say, I suspect “expectation” is the key?
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Hi Lesley 4,
I understand you totally. I’m 67. I joined an app after three and a half years of being on my own, I would love to have a close friend to confide in. I discounted all the divorced photos. They are looking for something better, I had that . That left me with the widowers. I found they are are all after younger women. I’m not going to bother any more. I felt very fed up .
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I’m 68 so technically you’re a younger woman. I’ll be your friend.
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I was married to my first wife for 32/33 years . After she passed my life fell apart. I wasn’t looking for a new relationship but did meet an amazing woman. She had a difficult past ,…
She also wasn’t looking for a new relationship. The moment I laid eyes on her I knew…
We had a very good understanding. She spoke about her ex just the outline etc. I spoke about my late wife. She made it clear that we will never have the same relationship that I had with my late wife. Would not want that. New life as such focus on the future. On the anniversary of her passing my spillage would give me the time and space…
As time went by we decided to take our relationship to the next level and looked at getting married in early Spring next year.
Sadly she passed on 28 Aug 2022. We were together for three years. I do feel very lost. I just looking for some one to talk to. Dealing with this a second time is more difficult as I tend to not say as much. There was never any competition between the past.
Work is my home because I am more there than at home. The early evening is not good. Need to crash early because of a very early shift start. Only 63 but feel I can (very pessimistic)
carry on forever…denial.
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@Jodel712 just read youe message about moving on after your hubby passed made me cry and remember how much I still love and miss my Sue. I still adore her after 43 years of careing and loving her. I will never replace her thats just impossible. But I do need to care and feel some kind of love. I can’t live alone anymore its so dark in my world now. Dave
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Only just read your message in response to a post I wrote many months ago! Just want to say thank you, it was a kind response. Thank you.
I struggle with this moving on getting a new partner. I would love someone to go out with meals music walks but it feels disloyal.
I read John Polo and I understood when he said his cup for his wife is full of love and always will be but there is another cup filling with love for his new partner. As when we have two children there’s a cup of love for them both . You can love two people.
I believe this but still feel disloyal moving on maybe why I’m not actively looking. Maybe not quite ready yet but I don’t want 25 yrs plus in my own joining friends and family outings.
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@Cooki its been 18 months since I lost my Beautiful Sue. I tried with another lady for a couple of months but she saw through me and ended it she said I was still in love with my Sue. She is right. I just upset her and myself. I will now live alone. I dont ever want my Sues memory to fade she deserves that. Everywhere in my home is Sue. Take care David.
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I don’t think you will ever forget your wife or the lovely memories you have made and you can never replace her but a new different relationship is possible I think. You just haven’t met the right one yet. I think companionship is the way forward, enjoying someone else’s company. Someone else who has lost their partner and who understands.
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@Cooki Thank you, kind words but I am 70 now I loved my Sue for 43 years its way too late for me to find a companion now. My Sue was ill for so long, she fought for so long because she loved me and didn’t want to lose me and I told her to fight for our love. In the end her body gave up and I told her to stop fighting and let go. Within a day she passed. There is no-one who can compare with my Sue. And its so right that every day I feel the pain of loss and love for her . I am the luckiest man in the world to have my Sue.
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Until you meet again. I’m sure she’s waiting for you arms wide open .
Sorry hun I believe death is the end. No memory’s, no light no cold just nothing.
I know a couple married 8 years, in their 70s. met on Match. it is no fun at all but sometimes there is a miracle. they are both cool people. I know a couple met at adult education community. both 80. a couple made the newspapers, 101 and 96! married on D Day France. but it is not fun.
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Hi @Dave13 I’m so sorry that your lovely wife Sue has died. It is so hard when you have been with someone for so long to then find yourself on your own. It is a shame that your new relationship didn’t work out. Maybe it just wasn’t the right time? You will never lose the memories you have of your wife. They will be ingrained in your memory for ever. I was with my husband nearly fifty years and he died nearly 2 and a half years ago and the memories of him are still so vivid. I wouldn’t want to not remember him or our life together. I am in my early seventies and can’t imagine being with any one else. But sometimes it would be nice to have a companion to share things with. Anyway you take care of yourself.
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@Loobyloo2 thank you for replying Yes you are right I am 70 and its so hard to talk about personal stuff I have four careing sisters but when they ask I just reply I am fine. I am not of course but do not want them to know lol. My little Sue was ill a lot so I loved and cared for her and I was always so strong I had to be now I feel so weak and I think I have lost my purpose in life a reason to live I cant do anything silly to myself I have two wonderful sons and granchildren but they have their own familys to look after and I enjoy my sisters visits but when they go home after 6.p.m I am alone again. I do feel my Sue in every room in our house she loved living here. Its easy to talk to strangers because we will probably never meet. When you talk to yourself your alone but when you talk to a stranger someone is listening. Sorry hun I am daft. Night night Dave.
That is a great analagy about the cups… You’re right our hearts are certainly a magical organ and anything is possible… If you can love 2 children the same love both parents… Love all your animals… Love doing different hobbies… Why can’t you love 2 partners…
For me when I lost my wife of 26yrs together I thought that was the end, that I would just fester away until I died… I came on here like thousands of others trying to find people that understood my pain that could offer advice… Even find a friend or two… I came across an amazing woman and message after message we began to hit it off… So much so that we have racked up over 20,000 messages… Neither of us were seeking a relationship but over time I found myself longing for the next green dot to appear… And then the next… After 8 months of messages we decided to meet up… We were both so anxious and ofc pockets of guilt were there should we be doing this is it disloyal… All I know is if I had past first without a doubt I’d have wanted my wife to find happiness… The world can be a lonely place and having companionship certainly makes it feel a better place to live.
After we met we hit it off and now coming upto 2 and a half years together very much in love and happy… We both talk about our previous loves as they will always be apart of us, this is the amazing thing about dating a widow… You know each others past and pain and it’s like there is 4 of you in the relationship.
We’re all very much different… Some won’t ever accept another person into there hearts some are open to it… Some it happens very soon some many many years later… There is no right or wrong solution… All you can do in this life is be honest to yourself and let your heart lead you to where ever it does.
I found love and I couldn’t be any happier 
No-one is happy being stuck in that pit of darkness alone…
I wish everyone on there painful journeys all the best and hope each and everyone of you find someday your be able to wake up with a smile and not dread the day ahead x
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That is wonderful to hear. Gives me hope.
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Don’t like the idea of dating online, been there for the tee shirt. Doesn’t really feel right and too many negative thoughts go with it
I dislike it no fun but no other choice as people do not interact much anymore.