Yesterday I had to sort out a head stone for my husbands grave, a job I have been putting off as dreading it. I got my self all prepared and made the call, broke down once during the conversation but managed to complete the call and get everything sorted. Today I received the estimate and confirmation and they had spelt my husbands name wrong. I know it’s only a small thing that can be put right but it made me cry so much. I felt so sad and upset that it was wrong and it’s only the draft. I feel protective of anything to do with him.
Also had a charity bag so thought I would try and put a couple of his clothes in it. Oh, it was so hard to do and so heartbreaking as I didn’t want to do it at all but I know he would want me to. He was such a kind hearted man and would want someone else to benefit. He has some lovely clothes, I feel selfish not wanting anyone to have them when I know he would.
Why is everything and every day so very hard.
Hi i still feel protective of my husband people have told me to get rid of all his clothes which i am trying to do but i have told them i will never get rid of his Chelsea tops as he was a big fan and they were part of something he loved
Please just take your time. Don’t rush. I am sure your husband would want you to keep his clothes if they comfort you. The time might gradually come when you are ready to do it. My husband has been gone for almost 2 years and I still have more than half his clothes, shoes etc etc. Having them in my wardrobe gives me comfort. Sometimes I look at them, touch them and they help me almost feel him. When I did donate some of his clothes, I did the same with some of mine. That seemed to make it easier. Who knows why??? None of it makes sense, you just have to do what’s best for you. There is no timetable.
Hope this helps. x
Thank you for your kind words its only been 4 months for me i just need to feel as if he is still around me just wish friends would stop telling me what i should be doing and telling me to move on x
I seem to be at the same stage as I feel I ought to do something about the headstone . I can under stand how upset you were that they got his name wrong - just the slightest thing sets me off. I also haven’t done anything about his clothes - he always looked so smart.
Yes I get the feeling that other couples we used to socialise with just don’t want to visit any more but I don’t blame them really as I am always so miserable so not good company. I feel as if I should put on a cheerful face as that is what others expect and want. They ask how you are but they just want you to say I’m fine!
That’s a good idea to get rid of some of my own clothes at the same time
This is really good advice.
I have a wardrobe and spare room full of clothes, makeup etc. I cannot bear to touch but there is no timetable. What works for you is the right way.
The only things I do is have her dressing gown rolled up next to me at night and I spray her perfume on my pillow, it helps me.
I also have to favourite photographs I have laminated and yes she gets kissed goodnight every night.
Keeping you in my thoughts & prayers.
Shalom 
john (and marian)
It took me 18 months to start getting rid of Viv’s clothes and to me it has been a relief to do so because they were always there, reminding me of her and because she was a hoarder there ended up 33 charity bags full, some in packets and some with labels on. It was very hard to do and I spent a lot of time crying and apologising to her. It’s done now and I know she will be happy that it has helped a lot of people John x
My parents had a lot of bags of clothes too. And I do too and haven’t given my husband’s clothes away after 3 months but did squished them into less space and will wear some stuff. I have this thought I will wear his new jeans one day if they fit.
My Husband was a big Chelsea fan and i am going to keep all of his Chelsea shirts he had been married before and has a son so i gave him some of my Husband clothes he never got to wear i know when i see his son wearing them it will be hard but i will try and stay strong and not cry infront of his son
@Enorac & @sue11
If it’s any help for ideas I made memory quilts out of a lot of Richard’s clothes and had memory bears made too. I’ve done two of the three quilts so far.
Love them will try and find someone who can make them for me
The quilts and bears shown look so professional and so inspiring.
What a nice thing to do
For me may be ambitious and could do something smaller. Cold try jumper cushion stuffed with folded other jumper and kinda arrange. May be a draught excluder stuffed with them. An apron. Nightdress.
I like his dress shirt and fancy wearing that. I am wearing his wooly jumper. Still wear my mum’s coat I adore. I did give mother in law’s dresses to a charity shop as didn’t like them. Bet no one else did either. That was before I found out how much gets put in for rags. If they just do that might as well use it for rags myself and not buy cloths. Years ago we always used old clothes. I once cut up my old t shirts for a rag rug which cat liked
Johnoh
When I read you counted 33 bags I wondered if that was carrier bags or sacks. If small bags not so much if course. When my husband was younger ge used to help me decide which clothes to off load because he would dislike some of them. But then he did it to somethings I liked and I dug my heels in so it stopped
@Johnch My wife wasn’t a hoarder but she did like to have a lot of clothes. I have kept a few with special significance, my daughter has taken some and I packed the rest tidily into a dozen or so large plastic containers. Yesterday I sorted some out with my sister-in-law. It wasn’t the clothes she wore that threw me into full meltdown but the ones she had bought for our holiday, including a few ordered online from her hospital bed, that she was never able to wear that set me off. It brought home how much I miss her and how much she missed as she was looking forward to our first holiday together for years.
I so understand how you feel i brought my Husband some new clothes as we were due to go to a family party he was so looking forward to going as was told he had not got long left sadly he passed away before the party and his new clothes are still hanging up in our bedroom
@Enorac , these were 33 charity bags, the ones that get posted through the letter box. About the same size as a black bag.