A bit about or loved one.

It struck me that many of us find that other people in our real lives find it difficult to cope when we talk about or lost loved one so I thought I’d start a thread so we can do exactly that.

My Richard was 60 when he died April ‘22. He was out playing his weekly football and seemingly fit and well.

He was a driving instructor who had an amazing pass rate for his pupils. The national average is something like 47%, his was I think 87% in the last two years and 100% in the year he died.

He had been a farmer until our girls were young but since he was out so many hours away from them he decided he wanted more time with them so did his training in secret from his family (apart from me.)
The farmland was eventually divided up between the three brothers so he also kept his 90 acres, working really hard to do so. Thankfully he left it well maintained so I don’t need to do much to the land, hedges and fences yet. Just as well as I don’t know how to!

Rich had a brilliant sense of humour and could keep such a straight face as he told a story that nobody could tell it wasn’t true until there was a punch line.

He was my first boyfriend when we were 17 and we got back together when we were 29,having written to each other (old fashioned letters which we both kept) in between.
We married in 1993 and had almost 29 years of very happy marriage.

Who’s next to tell us more about your loved one?

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What a nice idea …
My Stephen was just turned 69 when he died at the end of May 22. He was a mechanical engineer and worked on power plants all our married life. We were together for 47 years, and married for 38 … For 10 years from the mid 90’s he worked in Abu Dhabi, and we had a great life there, and still have good friends from that time.
He loved his family … and quizzes/quiz programmes … listening to his fav pink floyd and mike oldfield records … he had a wicked sense of humour and was the love of my life. I miss his more and more each day

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Lovely idea.

My Shaun was only 36 when he suddenly passed in feb 2022. We was together for 18 years, i was his 1st girlfriend.

He was an insurance broker, and such a loving, kind and generous person.

He loved his indian curry’s and loved going on holiday our 1st one together was faliraki and we had a ball. We would literally book a holiday one day and go the next, he would literally give you his last penny.

Our world isnt the same without him.

He lived for our little girl who has just turned 5.

He is missed so much xxx

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My husband was 75 when he passed away 11 years older than me . He was a Vet but one of the pioneering Vets that introduced Embryo transfer to the medical professional. Vets did it before Dr`s people loved working with him as he was so gentle. , his one stich cat spray was a legend

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@KarenF dear karen thank you for starting this thread. It is such a good idea. My pauline was such a kind beautiful gentle loving soul. She would help anyone. I was her first and only relationship. We had 20 years and 8 months together and they were the happiest and best years of my life. She made me a better person and gave me faith in myself. She showed me how beautiful real love is and gave me a reason to live. She knew better than anyone ever has or ever will. She knew me so well that she would often know what i was going to say before i even said it. 3 weeks before she died she had been different with me and i asked her why? She told me she felt it was the beginning of the end and she was trying to push me away because she didnt want me to go through that. Typical pauline always thinking of me rather than herself. I feel so guilty because i told her she was wrong and she would be fine. She had a doctors appointment the next day and they called an ambulance. She fluid on her lungs and also had COPD and she had umcers on her feet which would bleed whenever she stoid up

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@Casey1 Your wife sounds a very brave lady. I treated people with COPD as a physio and used to think that the breathlessness must be so terrifying.
I am so glad that you, like me, found the love of your life.
We were so fortunate as many people never have that.
x

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My husband was 65 when he died of a massive heart attack on holiday; the doctors were blaming his asthma for his increased breathlessness.

I meet him at school l was 14 and Geoff was in his last year 16.
I saw him again when I was 18. , we didn’t start going out until l was 22 as l had gone to Scarborough to train as a nurse. Geoff trained as a electrician. We went out for 2?years.
He was a typical Yorkshire man very dry sense of humour and had treated people like he would like to be treated himself. He loved politics and loved learning new things.
We got married in 1984and our daughter was born 1985then our son in 1987.
Both our children had Autism but we did not know until they were older.
Geoff was a fantastic father and would do anything for them and me.
Even with bringing up 2 special needs children he trained and became a Building Service Engineer for Sheffield Hallam University. He loved learning,
Even when our daughter died at 22 he remained my son and my rock. He was hurting but he always put us first But we did cry together and comfort each other.
We planned for him to retire at 67 but the heart attack got in the way.
At his funeral his work friends described him as a unsung hero, he didn’t like a fuss he just liked doing the right thing xx

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@KarenF sorry post went up before i finished. Her feet would bleed because of the blood thinners she was on from 2years before for 3 blood clots 1on her heart 1 in her lungs and 1 on her leg. The doctor put possible heart failure in the letter to the hospital. I only got to see her once in the 3 weeks she was in hospital because of covid. She got an infection while in there and what they call an impaction and nothung would shift it. So they were going to do surgery . But told her she was a high risk because of her breathing. She wasn’t even allowed to eat or drink the last week of her life because she kept bringing up bile. I got a call at 2.27 am on the 14th april 2021to say they found her unconscious on the ward at 2am and she had gone into cardiac arrest and they were trying to resuscitate but it wasn’t looking good. I begged them to keep trying and asked if they got her back could they help her and they said yes. I got the second call at 3.06 am to say sorry we couldn’t get a rhythm she is gone. Life as i knew ended that day. She was an amazing beautiful intelligent funny woman and the love of my life and my soulmate and always will be. I was so blessed to have had her in my life and to be loved by her.she is still my inspiration and her love is what gives me the strength to keep trying. Even though half of my just wants to give up. I can’t, i owe it to her and my babies to keep trying. In all honesty half of me died with her and whats lerf is just a sorry excuse of a person. I will love her all my life and i know that one day we will all be reunited with our loved ones. Their love is always with us and the love we share with them will never die. God bless you pauline and alk our loved ones. Love and hugs to all on this heartbreaking journey. xxx

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You are right we are so lucky to find the love of our lives and I will never forget him or what we had xx

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What a great idea @KarenF .

My wife Val was 50 when she died on 2nd September 2022. She had been suffering with triple negative breast cancer that had spread to brain and bones. She was diagnosed in 2020 (after beating it in 2008) and this time it was too late. She was the bravest person I knew, took every chemotherapy offered to try to live another day for me and our 17 year old daughter. She spent her final week in the local hospice as has said she didn’t want to die alone, at home or in pain and both our daughter and I were there at the end as she quietly passed as had been unconscious on a syringe driver most of that week.

We were together 28 years and married 25. We met on a train, as commuters do when you get on at the same place every day but it wasn’t until a friends birthday party when we saw each other and said “ I know you from somewhere”did we get together (realising it was the same train we both caught about 2 years before). She worked in insurance like me and then became a teaching assistant once our daughter was born. At her funeral, several of the teachers attended as she was so highly thought of by the school and the parents.
Even when she was going through treatment, she would worry about me and tell me to rest. She was so selfless and always thought of others and always did everything she could for our daughter and loved going to shows and musicals. I so miss her amazing smile lighting up a room and how she just made everyone happy, she was just a wonderful person. I’m so lost without her.

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My husband passed away on 21st November 2022,
22 years to the day that we met and 2 days after our 17h wedding anniversary. He was only 41, we have 2 beautiful girls together aged 11 and 8.

My husband starting feeling bloated and barely eating in the summer of 2021, he went to the doctor’s the first time in 25 years and they told him IBS if no better in 2 weeks to go back so he did, still saying IBS and did a blood test which came back with markers but said we will repeat in 4 weeks.

He wasn’t getting any better, and luckily we had private health insurance, so he spoke to a GP online they referred him to a gastro doctor, he said he didn’t think It was anything to worry about but did bloods and a ultrasound then a CT scan while having his CT he asked if it showed anything and they said Lymphoma. He was on his own as I wasn’t allowed in die to covid.

He was referred back to NHS as they said they had a excellent cancer unit. After a biopsy it was confirmed as high grade lymphoma. We were told the best cancer to have and very curable. He started chemo he was to have 6 cycles after 3 cycles they scanned all looking good chemo had got rid of most of the cancer. After another 3 cycles he had to wait 6 weeks for a scan at 4 weeks he was having symptoms they scanned it had starting growing again after his last scan

He went on to have 3 cycles of intense chemo, after completion he would have a stem cell transplant.
After 2 cycles all looking good after the 3rd they scanned again still there, can’t have stem cell as cancer needs to be gone.

Next Step CAR-T therapy, he went to London to have his cells harvested beginning of August 2022 they are sent away and genes are put into his cells after a month they are put back in and attack the cancer. He had a chemo in that 4 weeks to keep cancer from progressing.
He was all packed ready to go in end of Aug, did a lateral flow as requested he was positive asymptomatic.
We had a video call on the Monday to be told his cancer was worse than it has ever been, he could no longer have the treatment as it would fail. He was told no point in anymore chemo as wouldn’t make a difference, he was given weeks to live.
After speaking to our local team they wanted to try one more chemo, they said have hope but not too much. He had it, was very poorly after the cycle he had another scan a few days later London called, the cancer has pretty much gone. He was admitted 3 days later to start treatment. All was going well we had meetings about him coming home then he got sepsis he was in ICU for a week. When he went back to the ward he started improving, he had a scan but we were told the devastating news that it hadn’t worked and that he had days to live. Within 48 hours he was transferred to our local hospice where we made memories with our girls. 2 weeks later he died in my arms leaving me absolutely heartbroken.

The two weeks he was in the hospice people came from all over the country he didn’t realise how special he was.
He was my first and only love, my soulmate we were inseparable.

He fought this cruel illness with so much positivity, not once was he negative, he fought for me and his girls and I’m so so proud of him. My grief is still very raw and if it wasn’t for our girls I’m not sure where I would be now.

I still speak to him everyday and always say out loud that I love him. He really was the best husband and I will love and miss him forever!

My heart goes out to everyone who is going through this, we just need to remember to take one day at a time!

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@Timbo
Your meeting was obviously meant to be. A lovely story but so sad to lose her to that dreadful illness.
xxx

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@Gem2
What a lot you all went through. The loss of our true love is devastating but to have hope offered so many times only to have it dashed again must have been the worst rollercoaster ever.

Sending love. xxx

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@KarenF thank you. I almost didn’t go to that party so it was meant to be. I’m just everso sad we couldn’t spend more time together.

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@Gem2 I’m so sorry for your loss and what you went trough. Cancer is such a vile disease and causes such misery especially when there are young people who suffer. We tried everything as well, various chemos, surgeries etc but to no avail. It’s just crushing and you feel helpless.

Sending love and strength.

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Hi @KarenF

My husband died in March 2021, he was 81yrs, and had been ill with various conditions for a number of years.
Doug was 18 years older than me, we met when I was seventeen. He drove the bus that took me to work, I remember on my 18th birthday he wouldn’t open the bus door until I gave him a birthday kiss, we started serious dating after that day. It still makes me smile thinking about that day. He was a PSV driver for many years until ill health forced him to giving it up.
We have been married, well, this April it will be 45 years, and together 48 years. We have two children that we are both very proud of and six grandchildren.
He was very mischievous with a wicked sense of humour, a real social person. Put him a room of strangers and he would soon have them chatting and I miss him more and more every single day. :broken_heart:
Debbie x

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I am loving reading about your lost soul mates. Thank you for all the messages so far. Keep them coming.
Tell us about incidents which stand out in your lives together, funny or precious.

One thing Richard did before we were married was playing a trick on friends. He kidnapped their garden gnomes and sent ransom notes for them. I took them back up to Sheffield, where I was living at the time and took photos of two of them in various ‘dangerous’ situations, tied to a washing line, in a wok, beside my friend’s model wild animals. Richard cut out letters from newspapers to make the ransom notes.

The third gnome went on holiday and sent postcards home. He got hold of postcards from all over the place to send from Titch.

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My partner passed on the 25th November 22, We met over 22 yrs ago first we became best friends soulmates there for each, as both of us suffered abuse in our relationship we were in. From the day of meeting we looked out for each other. In the yrs to follow we were free but still best friends before we became partners in time we fell in love, well I did seemingly he was in love with me from the day we met. We were together as partners for 22 yrs best yrs of both our lives. The last 5 yrs I was his carer to he had msa . We still managed to keep the fun love laughter and all going. He was 73 when he passed. He love photography art crafts walking every thing I loved we were the perfect couple. If we had a disagreement it never lasted long we would look at each other and laugh. There is 15yrs between us but or life was Perfect in all ways . My children looked at him as a dad they never had with their blood father. We have two beautiful granddaughters that miss him dearly. I was blessed to have him in my life as my family was …

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Hi Karen

So similar. My Richard was 60 when he collapsed and died without warning in September 22. He had been decorating his mum’s house the previous week, got up to make tea, complained of chest pain, collapsed and died, I think within minutes although we tried CPR until the ambulance came.
We had 20 years together, he was a friendly, helpful person. Our friends’ houses are full of repairs he had done, handrails installed etc. He was a great companion - we loved walking and just going out and about. He was also very funny. He loved our cats, and one of the hardest things is not being able to share with him what they get up to.

Thanks for this

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My Peter was 76 when he died from sepsis and covid on the 24. April 2020 a week after his first grandson was born. He was 8yrs older than me. He was a calcullations specialist at Jaguar cars in Coventry a very clever man i met him in july 1981 when i had just turned 30yrs i was married but the marriage was an unhappy one from the moment i set eyes on him i fell for him he was such a handsome man. I finally divorced and Peter and i got together we married in march 1988 we have 2 lovely sons and 7 grandchildren. We did have our problems over the years but we loved each other and when he died in hospital i wasnt allowed to be there with him nor our children because of covid this has devastated me and it is coming up for 3yrs in april and i feel so brokenhearted and miss him everyday i go out and put on a mask of being ok but i still cry everyday and will do till i am with him again.x

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