Everyone seems so sad. Perhaps it’s the weekend looming. I wish we could all get together for a proper chat and hug. God knows, I could use a hug right now.
How about we all try to do just one thing that is out of our comfort zone tonight, tomorrow or on Sunday. It doesn’t matter what it is, a job that needs doing that you haven’t tackled alone yet. Or going out for a walk, a bit of gardening, cooking a proper meal, anything at all.
Then, when you have done it, post on here. Maybe we can be an incentive to each other, or at least have the satisfaction of knowing that we have achieved something, however small and insignificant to anyone else.
We are all hurting like hell and deserve to have someone to say ‘well done’. We are all missing that kind of support, so let’s support each other.
Is anyone up for it?
@Willow112
I’ve been invited to a birthday party tomorrow.
I said yes.
I won’t know many people there.
I’m terrified… but if I last an hour or so I’ll be quite chuffed with myself.
I’ll let you know…
Good for you. I hope you do enjoy it, it will break up the weekend, and even if you don’t enjoy it you will be glad to be home afterwards, even a teeny bit content. Xx
What a good idea. I think weekends are harder because this is when we would have spent more time with our partners. I usually keep myself pretty busy on Saturday. Sunday I do jobs I need to do, change bed and a clean through.
I could do with an Andrew hug. I’ve hugged my mum, my son and my nephew today. But it’s just not the same.
I thought about actually meeting with people on here, but everyone is far away. It’s a nice idea though. Currently your all little imaginary people in my head 
I was actually thinking today that I think I kept all my eggs in one basket. It was always just me and Andrew, I never really bothered with friends or socialising without him. We did everything together. So now I’ve lost him its massive to me if that makes sense. Not sure where I heard it but someone said to think of grief as a ball in a jar, the grief is filling the jar. We need to keep adding things to the jar to make our world bigger than the grief. Hope that makes sense…I’ve thought about this but I can’t seem to think what would interest me, lol when I’m back to work that’ll occupy me and I spend time with family on a Saturday…I don’t know what I could fill my jar with. I don’t fancy any classes or clubs.
Xx
Sounds a bit like me and Jeremy. He had no family and was so shy I think people probably thought he was unsociable. Because he moved a hundred miles to be with me he lost touch with people he worked with and neighbours. My friends became his but gradually moved away or died. Just leaving me and him and my son and daughter. I do have one sister left but she has severe dementia and doesn’t recognise me now.
I don’t know where to start making a new life, especially as it would have to be during daytime. I used to do voluntary work at a charity shop, maybe I will do that again. Xx
Yeah sounds exactly the same. Andrew lived for me haha no he was always around my family and we did everything together. I don’t no were to start either! I do no that a new life will not come knocking, we will have to figure it out!
Xx
I think we have to be the masters (mistresses?) of our own futures. As you say, it won’t come knocking. I know that we have to face our grief but I do not want to let it define my future and that of my daughter. I miss him every minute of every day and he will be forever in my heart. I don’t know what to do with myself sometimes it hurts so much. But I don’t want to feel this wretched forever. Loving him, and being loved by him is a privilege and an honour, not something that I will allow to destroy the rest of my life and that of my daughter. It is not what he would want, and if I had died first I wouldn’t want him to wallow forever. I would want him to make a happy life for himself and his step-daughter. I am not ready yet at 4 weeks to start to forge that future but I know that eventually I will have to make a new life. Xx
Willow Im the same my husband and I did everything together and were happy just being us, I have no idea what to do now. This morning I got really frightened by the panic I felt at the pointlessness of life now. I know I shouldn’t feel like this.
I’m up for your challenge too. I will try really hard to get through the weekend without getting in a state, that doesn’t mean not crying it means not letting it get out of hand.
Love your idea , let’s do it. Hope I don’t let you down.
That sounds like a great idea.
I’ve come away with my 2 youngest for a few days as it’s school holidays here and so I’m going to really try and engage with them and do something positive or different.
Or maybe just stay off my phone as I spend far too much time now searching for support/hope/understanding of grief or playing silly games.
I never used to do that at all.
Will see if my screen time can reduce. Such a small thing maybe but really needed.
Hope everyone’s weekend can be as good as it can be xxxx
You all sound so strong . I dont feel that at all. Tomorrow would be 2 weeks since i lost Gra and i have no. Intrest in anything. I suffer agrophobia and panic attacks and find it really hard to see a future other than this loneliness. Gra and i had no real friends and due to my problems we didnt go out other than to our local shops. My family have been no support i have been told i have to get on with this as this is my new life and they have lives to live. My son lives about a hrs drive from me and i have not seen him since a week before Gra passed , i could count on one hand the amount of times he as called me. Xxx
@jevncute I don’t feel as though I’m strong! I feel as though I’m pretending to be strong.
A cover up, a front, to get me through… and because I know Nigel would want me to carry on doing/enjoying the things we’d have done together.
It’s so early for you yet, don’t be led by what others think you should do or should not do.
You’ll know when you’re ready and it might be weeks, months or years. This really is all about you right now, please don’t put yourself under any pressure.
Hugs
Caro
Hiya Caro, i just live in constant fear i darent even go upstaurs to bed i sleep on the sofa , let me rephrase that i lay across the sofa and dose. My family dont seem to care so long as it doesnt impact on them. I keep thinking whats the point of been here anymore. Xx
Jevencute I feel for you. It is coming up to 6 weeks since I lost Ken and I feel so alone and frightened. Panicked at being alone. I’m sorry your family haven’t been more supportive and have left you to cope. As you have agoraphobia could your GP not put you in touch with some MH support to help you cope with this. What do you do with yourself all day? I find it hard to motivate myself to do anything. I find if I try and be busy it helps. The not being bothered is so difficult to overcome. I have lost all confidence since Ken died and struggle to cope.
Don’t feel others are stronger than you we are all suffering and perhaps we can support each other.
Let’s keep talking to each other as let’s face it, we’re the only ones who understand what it’s like. Sending you a hug.
Awww bless you wooly ty for caring . Like you say we are all in the same boat. Just a shame we all dont live close and we could support each other. I am glad i am not the only one who is frightened and i wouldnt wish that on anyone. I have someone coming from age uk on Tuesday she said she will help me to get help with sirting on my money and some emotional support. 
xxxx
Lost my wonderful husband of 54 years two years ago and still feel indescribable grief and devastation. I can’t go anywhere where I’ve had happy times with him and like everyone else posting on here it was always just me and him except for our two sons and their families. So I too don’t know how to mix and join clubs etc and I think I would feel even worse if i went to a club and knew no one. so how do we fix all this.
I spend a lot of time on my phone, I never did as much before. I think it’s cause I can’t settle and it’s a distraction and I do try and look for positive stories. It’s bloody sad isn’t it. It also makes me feel less lonely reading and replying to post on here. X
You’re absolutely right @Katyh
I’ve been good today and really tried to avoid my phone, but I feel awful now and like you say it’s a distraction. Like you I try find the positive stories so as I can find some inspiration and hope that things will get better. And it helps knowing I’m normal on me feeling like this.
Today I’ve been out with my kids, walked the dog, done some weeding, been shopping, organised a future trip… but I just miss him all the time and at the moment everything is just so sad.
I’m not alone, but sometimes would really like some space to just go and cry on my own. But my kids are here missing their dad so I must keep trying to be positive.
It feels like Groundhog Day.
Hope the rest of your Saturday is as ok as it can be. It is just s*** isn’t it
Sending love and hugs xxx
We will get there in the end! Let’s do what we need to do, to get through this shit storm!
I like that you’ve said you had a “good day” bet you never thought you’d say that a few weeks ago.
You’ll have to wait till the kiddy winks are in bed, so you can have a private cry
My day was a good, been busy untill about 3pm when I came home. I cried, felt sorry for myself, had some food had a little nap and now I feel ok lol. It’s a worldwind isn’t. Oh and it’s freezing 
Hope you have a nice evening 
xx
Freezing? @Katyh
Where do you live?
Its been so hot here I haven’t even had a cardigan on. And I feel the cold so badly. I’m a martyr to my hot water bottle lol. 
Like you I’ve had a good day, been told how well I look (I feel like shit!) And then I came home and watered the garden with tears streaming down my face
Its that bloody rollercoaster again!!
Big hugs
Liz x