Hello, my partner of 28 years died on the 7 th June From Stage 4 Bowel cancer we found out in January this year ,in February told 2and half years life expectancy. He lasted under 6 months .He was a very fit man doing Bootcamp fitness 3-5 times a week. For a 74 year old he was amazing I was convinced he would make it.
He only managed chemotherapy Twice.
As became very weak. We did loads of research on different treatments and supplements. I only cooked organic healthy food. I can’t believe he’s gone the funeral was 27th June that’s the date he moved in 28 years to the day .I have known him for over 40 years. I don’t know or really want to carry on with out him. He was everything to me. I have a daughter and 2 Grandchildren. At the moment I can’t
go back to where we lived it’s just impossible to be there without him. I’ve been sleeping on my Daughter sofa or at my Brothers. Can’t imagine a life without out my Brian.
33-S I am dreadfully sorry for your loss.
You are still in shock finding it difficult to cope and can probably not see any future this is completely normal the grief we all feel is the most painful emotion that I have ever experienced .
I lost my wife of 47 years in March so understand fully what you are going through, the main thing that has helped me so far is this web site all of us here will be experiencing the same grief but usually in different ways so chat to the people here and learn from their experiences everybody here will help with frank and honest comments and always remember you will never be alone somebody will always answer you questions or listen and reply to your questions or comments with reality based answers.
I would suggest that when you are ready you do what I did and write down all of your thoughts and feelings on here and just ramble on until it starts to make some sense nobody will criticise anything you say just go for it it does hurt but you will be amazed how it seems to make things clearer when it is written down.
This is a hard journey but one you do not need to take alone. John
Hello 33-S, So sorry for your loss. You are probably still in shock, well done for managing the funeral. I am glad that you have a supportive family. I lost my Darling wife of 52 years in April 2024, she had Parkinson’s and I was her carer. As you have been caring for your dear Brian there is a huge hole in your life, All I can suggest is to take baby steps, one day at a time. Everyone on here is on the same painful journey. People who have not been through the loss of a long term partner just do not understand. On here we all do, I have found this site very helpful as they all understand and offer support. If you feel really down please consider talking to your GP / Doctor. So please come on here for a chat, rant against the world or just a ramble like I do, It really helps me.
Thank you for replying. shocked is definitely how I feel, Just can’t believe he’s gone. Writing down is very good advice
It is definitely the hardest journey that I never wanted to be on so soon after finding out Brian had cancer, He beat prostate cancer twice ,but that was very different no chemotherapy .Was a clinical trials that worked amazingly well only in for a day and all cleared…I’m so sorry for you loss, That’s a long time to be together but its not really is it as I think we just all think we will be together for ever ,and don’t think about suddenly being alone.
Married for nearly 47years together for 52 her loss should have not been a shock as Hazel was diagnosed with unspecified metastatic cancer and was only given 6 months but held out for 21/2 years deteriorating considerably over the last 3 months but when the end came it was still a shock leaving a hollowness that is hard to describe, I still feel as though I have been torn apart, I cry every day and the grief comes in waves but I will say it is easier to deal with than it was so there does seem to be some progress.
You will go through all of the stages that we all do, asking, begging, paying promising anything if only they would return you will shout and probably scream this is all very natural we all do it in fact I still do to a certain extent, there will be a great feeling of guilt insomuch as you will feel that you did not do enough but trust me you did always remember that whatever you go through we have all been there, nothing prepares you for the loss of somebody as close as your life partner it is horrible but as Rob said take one day at a time baby steps it will never go away but it will ease I still talk to Hazel every day she may not be with me physically but she is still foremost in my mind and always will be.
Come here to shout and rant to your hearts content somebody will listen and reply with words of wisdom born from experience. John
I am so sorry for your loss ,my husband had pancreatic cancer ,which spread to other parts of his body.My thoughts are with you.
Hi my husband also had stage 4 colon cancer that he fought for 2 years operation chemo but it spread still had a horrific painful death he passed 29th with me by his side in a hospice I am home but hate every second he should be sat on the sofa everything is still in place coat toothbrush I will never move them I have his wolly hat in bed he wore it everyday to take the dog I can smell him can’t believe I am talking to his hat I am broken cry all day everyday
Hi lucy I sorry you lost your Husband. It’s such a horrible disease .I still can’t believe it’s happened.
My wife is dying as we speak, 35 years married , colon surgery 12 months ago followed by chemo then secondary in liver given maybe 18 months but actually 10 days and very close to the end. My step daughter and I are caring for her at home. Cancer what a scourge I hate it , absolutely hate it . Walking by the sea three weeks ago now days or possible hours from her final breath. The people on the site really are the only people with any understanding and I am grateful to be able to share and take advice. I am so sorry for each of your losses , grief wow what a small word but with devastating impact. Love and compassion to you all. Nedh
Nedh I went through exactly the same as you just over three months ago my son and daughter were with me for the last five days I really do feel for you, there is absolutelly nothing I can say that will make the journey any easier but they do say the last sense to be lost is hearing so just keep letting her know how much you love her and keep squeezing her hand.
Nothing else I can say apart from sorry.
Thank you JohnF I have been sitting next to her for the past three hours while my step daughter is outside in the garden with friends. She has been an absolute rock and needs support from her friends , I am happy to sit , look and listen to her breathing .
I am so lucky to have found this site, and as sad as I am when I read the stories there is comfort in that that community understands what we are all going through. Thank you again for your support
Nedh
Nedh
Sending hugs I was with Simon holding his hand and stroking his head just kept saying I’ve got you we tried pallative care at home but the pain was unbearable so ending up in hospice this might sound weird but wish I was back in the hopice holding him 4 weeks later I pray you have support around you god bless xx
Thank you Maxandiala,
My stepdaughter (Sallys daughter) is being terrific but I worry about her when the day actually comes. We have health visitors during the day but I found last difficult helping my now helpless wife in and out of bed during the night and consider a hospice but she is having none of it so inspite of her physical frailty her mind is super strong and I adore that about her . Thank you again for your kind words they really help with coping and healing. Nedh
@Nedh i too have been on the road you are on now, Cancer its so cruel. I was married for 34 years, together for 40 years. My dear husband was diagnosed with bowel cancer in June 2021 aged 58 years old. After having surgery and numerous rounds of chemo it spread to the stomach and liver. We were both devastated but during the fight we never give up hope. I prayed every single day that my husband would win the fight but he sadly passed away on the 15th March this year (my mother’s birthday). Similar to your story even though he was having treatment he remained on his feet and we made the most of every moment. June last year he deteriorated fast, I cared for him at home for the last 9 months of his life with the help of the pallative care nurses. It is so cruel to see the love of your life waste away, but one consolation I have is that I was with my dear husband until the very end. My husband was the kindest person i had ever known, and he did not deserve to suffer like he did, and what made it harder was he never complained, never got angry. I on the other hand will never understand why it had to happen to us, he never asked for much. I will never understand this cruel world. Sending lots of love and strength to you all xx
Hi @Edwars04
I am so sorry to hear of your loss and the journey . Like you husband , Sally has never once complained , but taken everything that has been thrown at her I only wish I had 10% of her strength. Wow I have just had another total meltdown. Sally is semi conscious and not really able to speak. I helped her to the look but she looked so totally helpless and frightened. I am getting very angry as to why this suffering is acceptable, yes she is on morphine but why do we allow the agony to prolong. After getting her back to bed , I went to another room and opened a cupboard door only to see Galway crystal glasses we had purchased together on a trip to Ireland about 15 years ago and that sent me into a spin. I have gathered myself again but the heartache is unbearable at times . Thank you again for your response it helps me to know that I am not alone.
Hi Nedh, please do not be too hard on yourself. I can relate to eveything you are saying. Like your dear wife Sally my husband Ian, relied on the morphine and numerous other medications. Some nights he used to be in so much pain I would have to phone the pallative care team out numerous times. Nothing was too much trouble for them and they could see how much i was suffering. Many nights i would cry myself to sleep and wish my husband and I could go together but i have 2 sons and feel ive got to keep on going for them. Your dear wife wouldn’t want you to give up. Take care and stay strong xx
Thank you for your support it all helps . especially when it seem like nothing really matters any more and she last week when she was communicative she told me what she wanted me to do and giving ups was not one of them. But there are time when I just want to Ellie down and give up, but I can hear her in my ear.
Thank you again
Ned we have all felt like that I still have some what I call dark thoughts but I am sure that Hazel would hate me to just give up she would want me to fight until the end just like she did
Like most here to make things easier for me Hazel never complained and never really admitted how much pain she was really in but I obviously knew and it used to really upset me.
It was an honour to look after her at the end of her life and I will live the rest of my days remembering her favourite saying which was “it is what it is”.
The only positive I have from this horrible experience is that my darling Hazel will never have to suffer the same grief that I have it aint much but it is something to hold onto and to be sure we need whatever we can get. John
Nedh, My heart goes out to you. 
Thanks John and thanks Robo it a great help have this community to share
Thanks
Adrian