Hi everyone, I just thought we could use this thread as a general chat about different thoughts and feelings and every day stuff. So we don’t have to stray off the original subject . In this lockdown , we feel we need a chat more than ever, with all the time on our hands, we are all struggling more with our grief and we can have general chats about anything, and hopefully it can ease our pain if only just a little bit.
Steph x
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My daughter is really struggling atm, she keeps having flashbacks of her dad at the hospital, it’s so hard for her , she’s 21, so too young to lose her dad, and he was her best friend, they laughed and joked all the time and both love football, so I had to listen to all the football talk and games on the telly ,
I’d give anything to have that back (even though I hate football) . She still goes to work during the lockdown so that helps her, but it’s so hard, when I feel so helpless , when all she wants is her dad x
Hi Steph, yet again there are parallels to our story. My husband and son had just been to a football match on the night he died. It was a European cup match and they had managed to get seats at the last minute. They whatsapped me a picture of the view of the pitch and I was really happy for them. Because the traffic was congested after the match they decided to stop off for a drink to let it subside. It was there that John collapsed and life changed forever.
Football was an ongoing topic in our house and a great source of conversation. Our elder son and I were not that interested at all but it’s amazing what you pick up from the constant chatter. Like your daughter, my son has lost his dad and his very very best friend and it absolutely breaks my heart. He was so happy and enthusiastic before and whereas football was always a great diversion now it’s a painful reminder of what he has lost.
Like you I long for the banter. It was such an intrinsic part of our family life and the hurt caused to my son is unbearable. Our children didn’t deserve this pain and I struggle why they have had to suffer. Sending love
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Hi jobar,
We are so alike in our stories . So sad that your son and John were out together at the place they loved, ,their football and to have such a traumatic awful end to that night, my heart goes out to you and your son . I t is so heartbreaking to see them suffer like that, they will never be the same again .The big black hole that is left in families is unbelievable, how can we ever go on without them . It breaks my heart to see my daughter suffering, she misses him so much and all the silly banter, I try to be like that with her to try and help but it’s just so sad and unfair, life is so quiet in the house now without the laughter and mucking about they shared.
Are you still staying with your mum or is she with you ?
How are you coping with the lockdown?
Sending love xx
Hi Steph,
It’s little things like the football scores (pre lockdown) which became a source of so much pain. They used to text each other all the time with comments on matches and scores. Their team ironically had been playing the best it has for a long time and what should have been such a source of mutual joy became bittersweet. my son was still playing football until it all had to stop and he misses that physical diversion.
I am still with my mum at the moment and therein lies a constant dilemma. Taking her back to my home would contravene lockdown so I haven’t a clue how we are going to get on.
My father died last June and so she is also grieving . I haven’t processed the loss of my father as it was completely overwhelmed by John’s sudden death. All in all last year was the year from hell . So many levels of grief to deal with. That big black hole you describe gets ever deeper.
Whilst I loathe the restrictions that lockdown has imposed in some ways it has allowed me to postpone decisions I have been dreading. Probate is still pending and then I will have to face things I really don’t want to.
Like you, I just long for our happy family life
Sending love xx
Exactly the same, texting each other and winding each other up. Tim supported arsenal and Lauren supported spurs, so there was great rivalry between the both of them and the two clubs. Poor Tim used to be dragged along to the spurs matches with gritted teeth 
they used to go everywhere, he’d buy her the latest shirt and would always take her to matches.
It must be so hard not being able to go home, it’s just a waiting game for the lockdown to end .
You’ve had so much to deal with losing your dad aswell, in such a short space of time. Life is going along so happily and it’s all changed forever.
I know what you mean about not making decisions atm with the lockdown, I’m the same with probate and it’s been left on hold, it just gives you a break from the legal stuff , a bit of time to breathe I suppose .
It’s good to have a general chat about things on here, as we sit and think and just want to talk but don’t want to burden anyone around us.
Xx
What team did they support ? Xx
They both supported wolves as my husband was born in Wolverhampton. A family friend took him to a match when he was about 7 and he remained a supporter all his life. Highs and lows!! Our son , Chris, has always loved playing and watching football. John spent many hours driving him to away matches before he could drive . Saturday was a school match and then club match on Sunday. Way of life for so long.
Our elder son who is now a teacher and lives with his fiance about 30 miles away wasn’t that interested in football but he shared a love of music with John. They played guitar and went to gigs together so that was their bond. They were also both researching our family tree and were endlessly texting each other if anything vaguely interesting turned up. On the night John died , Jay had just found one of the more interesting facts and he was so upset he never got to tell his dad. So much unfinished business.
All so sad. Xx
Aww, it’s lovely to hear about them, but so sad aswell. They both seemed so close to their dad, to lose their dad so young is heartbreaking .
We all expect to grow old at least to our eighties, and to see grandchildren come along and grow up.
And every occasion that comes along in life now will be tinged with sadness.
It’s good to talk about all that we feel, it really does help
Xx
Hi Jobar,
I read in another thread, you was having a bad day yesterday. Hope you okx
Hi Steph, yesterday really wasn’t a good day at all! It was like being back at square one. Like you have posted, I have had days since John died when I have felt calmer if not calm but yesterday I couldn’t get the idea out of my head that the world is just such a cruel place and the effort to get through each day just isn’t worth it. I just wanted to lie down and will my heart to stop. On one hand I feel so guilty because John loved life and I know he would never have given up but on the other hand I can’t imagine my future without him. Of course I have our lovely sons but I don’t want to let them know how fearful I am when they are trying so hard to be supportive. I also cannot understand why Chris had to witness what he did. He assures me he is coping but I know that is just to protect me.
I also had three phone calls from well meaning friends yesterday and I felt so wretched afterwards. Even in lockdown their lives are so ordered and it just emphasises what a lonely and unwanted journey I face - like all of us on this site. There are so many sad stories and yesterday I began to question what is the point of this world. Sorry to be so negative, I wish I could be braver and will try today to think of others.
By the way I love the pictures of your cats. I have always loved cats and dogs and I really think they will ultimately be my salvation.they can’t say the wrong thing.
I hope you are getting through somehow. So many parallels in our lives and I know you suffer every day. Our pain is only increased watching our children try and make sense of their shattered lives.
Sending love
Jobar, I also feel exactly what you feel. It feels a never ending circle of pain. Some days are worse than others and the bad days are bad.
I understand that you want to lay there and your heart to stop, I do think that everyday, how can we go on without them in our lives, the thought of everything moving on and they’re not seeing what’s going on, I hate the way everything seems normal on the outside world (apart from virus and lockdown ) and our world has stopped and will never feel the same again. I get friends are trying their best, but as you say our world has shattered into a million pieces and as everyone says on here, lockdown emphasises the pain of them not being here with us. All the time we could be spending with our hubby’s just breaks my heart it makes us feel so alone .
I do feel for your Chris, it must be playing constantly on his mind , but wants to be strong for you, and we feel so helpless to help them, all we can do is be there for them . Lauren has been struggling, had a few bad days, her anxiety is sky high and she’s worried she’s going to lose me aswell. I feel so guilty about wanting to die and be with Tim, my daughters keep me going, without my daughters and grandkids, I really think I wouldn’t be here now.
The stories on here are heartbreaking, why is there so many of us suffering , it’s just so unfair .
Aww thank you about the cat pictures, animals are saviours, they are always there with endless love bless them.
Thinking of you, we’re in this horrible situation together, we’d be much worse ( if that’s possible) without the lovely people on this site.
Sending a big hug xx
Thank you Steph, I have been thinking about Lauren as well when you said she has flashbacks to seeing Tim in hospital and I can understand her anxiety. how do we ever come to terms with those images? Our most basic instinct is to protect our kids and would do anything to restore their safe and happy world.
We used to be able to kiss everything better. If only it were that simple!
Does Lauren talk to her friends about Tim? I think Chris feels that friends try and understand but how can they possibly imagine what it’s like to see your dad die . It doesn’t help that some of them really don’t like their dad’s.
I’m sorry to go over and over the same things. It’s an attempt to understand my chaotic head.
Sending a big hug back xx
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That’s ok , go over things as much as you want to, we all feel we’re saying the same things over and over again, it’s trying to make sense of it all, but I don’t think we ever will .
Lauren can’t seem to talk to her friends, she does bottle everything up and tries to push it out of her mind, which is the worse thing to do as it’s got to come out. I try and talk as much as I can with her and we cuddle and cry together, but she clams up with everyone else . I just lay awake worrying constantly about her and constantly thinking about Tim. I hate this nightmare.
My two other daughters, Sophie and Charlotte live with their partners and although they are hurting just as much, they are keeping occupied with their own lives, and not living here at home anymore , it is a bit different for them, they’re hurting just the same but it’s not around them all of the time , if you know what I mean . Lauren was the closest to her dad and with all Tim’s stuff it’s a constant reminder of her lovely dad.
It is upsetting when others don’t like their dads or husbands it makes me want to scream.
Hope you start to feel a bit better, I feel silly saying that as we never will, but you know what I mean xx
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Like you, my elder son lives with his fiancée so is slightly more detached, although very anxious because she is a radiographer at the hospital. Chris came back home about a year ago when he was travelling more with work. Ironically everything was going so well for both of them and then John died.
A friend in Devon whatsapped a photo today of a special place in Devon we used to go regularly. She wanted to show me the bluebells and all its done is upset me. John loved bluebells and I hate thinking he’ll never see any again and I can never revisit that favourite spot.
I think so many of us are really finding it hard at the moment judging by some of the posts. It seems to be one step forwards and ten backwards. Sending love xx
I hope they open the beauty salons again soon I have just tinted my brows and I now resemble Groucho Marx 
not to mention my beard giving Captain Birdseye a run for his money
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were all come out of this looking like zz top x
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well I am half way there. I was looking at wigs on eBay ffs 
unfortunately the ones I liked were from China so bugger that 
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just cut of your beard and stick it on your head
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That’s made me proper wet myself you are nothing if not inventive 
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