Sorry for your loss i just want to die i have a lot of guilt the day it happened was a grey dark day been raining and nothing went right we had two arguments about daft things she would not go out just sat all day i went out for something for dinner and was out for about 3 hours when came back still sitting we made dinner she said the fish was not up to much watched some tv she went to bed but never got there i found her unconcious she had a big stroke i BLAME it on myself if the day had of been better i think she would have been here today i feel loads of guilt and gone over this sunday about over 100 times i caused it and i think i should die i didnt look after her and regret it loads
1 Like
So sorry to hear about your battle with these feelings
I too felt guilt and regret after my husband died I think they’re just several of the many emotions we have to experience unfortunately
I hope you can find some relief remembering your love together and happy memories of times you both shared
Wishing you peace of mind
Christine
2 Likes
Hi Christine
I feel your pain. Keep posting here and reading the replies. I’m 3 years without my partner but I still like to come back here to get the support of others. The early days are so tough on you. This site provides a way of letting your thoughts and feelings get out there. It’s important that you do. We’re listening and our hearts go out to you. X
2 Likes
Hello a.frazer. It is a very natural feeling after a partner dies to feel guilty that you could have done more. Most of us seem to feel the same immediately after our loss. We replay the worst things in our minds. Your argument would not have caused the loss of your wife. There is nothing you could have done to prevent a stroke and she was obviously not feeling well even before the upset. There is a difference between guilt and regret. Guild comes from deliberately causing the death. Regret is sadness about the situation and wishing it had been different.
You will slowly begin to see things differently with the passing of time. it is not easy and all of us here are hurting and bewildered. Keep posting and we can help each other. Much love.x
A. Frazier I’m glad you have been able to tell us how you are feeling. We have all experienced your sense of ‘guilt’ , in different ways of course as our experiences are very much individual. It is very much early days and you will go round and round in your mind wishing things were different, lots of ‘if only ’, but very sadly we can’t change the past and why would we in that there are so many good times to remember as well.
Jean2, your analogy of guilt and regret is very well put.
3 Likes
Hello sue lei
I am sorry to hear about the loss of your husband
I read he had multiple myeloma for many years I too lost my father to this horrible disease several years ago
It is comforting to hear from others like yourself who can relate to my feelings
Thanks for your kind words of support
Take care
Christine x
1 Like
Hi i took her to doctors on the thursday was checked over by a nurse practioner and discharged she said she was doing great which she was in better condition than me everything was going right for her even picked a new cooker and new sofa why did she get this stroke on the sunday why? she really was amazing and doing great life is very unfair
My last words to my husband in May 2020 were cross ones. He suffered a massive heart attack sitting in the kitchen the next morning and was gone by the time I got up. It was and still is the hardest thing but I know that no amount of loving words and actions would have prevented this happening. Cross words are normal in a marriage and you must try and focus when you can on the happy times you shared. It takes time. I had 40 years with my husband and as the months pass I remember more and more the happy times we shared and less and less the not so happy times and if you just hang in there and take it one day at a time I am sure you will do the same. Try and be kind to yourself.
1 Like
Thanks for your support. My husbands death was also sudden - May 2020.
Hi love yes I know exactly what you are feeling , my husband passed away with Covid last April and it’s broke me , I have gone through the guilt of what else could I have done , I’m lost now and wished I could be with him to hold his hand once more , although I have a son and daughter and 4 beautiful granddaughters which were his world , they is a massive hole in my heart after been with him for 40 years. He was my world and was due to retire after working all his life from 16 years old. I’m lost and worried how my life can carry on without him, nor been able to see him and hold his hand at the hospital was horrible , he was 3 weeks on a ventilator and I had to say my goodbyes to the most wonderful family man . How are we supposed to carry on after , I just don’t know .
Sending you loads of hugs I don’t know how any of us will ever get through this terrible experience we are all here for you we all know what you are going through try to keep your chin up x
my partner was taken away in ambulance would not let me go was in hospital for 8 weeks could not phone as could not use phone as deaf anyway mostly asleep and could not talk a lot one morning consultant said was not well and i could go in and see her but ask sister who was always a bitch and said no he found her and she said no as usual dinnertime same day nurse rang and said i could come in half an hour later phone rang somebody else said shes gone i said gone where thinking another ward she said shes dead i could go to the ward to see her and there would leave her there which i did i spent 2 hours on the ward with her she just looked normal sleeping just as she did when alive i have NO family or neighbours or anyone ring samaritans but life is now POINTLESS it is just a bore everyday the same see nobody nobody to talk to i talk to her picture and tell her things
i am so sorry for your loss
It’s so heartbreaking, only time will heal I suppose but knowing there are groups like this out there Is a blessing , we all have hurdles to go over , when my husband died only 5 was allowed in chapel , only was allowed a hurst no cars to follow him, so I booked a private camper van hurst to take my husband and a business man loaned me his personal beautiful cars for us to follow , I had a singer outside my home singing his fav songs and we set balloons off , I miss him so much just like you loverly people who have gone through this , thank you for your support and I’m here for anyone who needs to talk 
That was nice i have made a small memorial garden under her bedroom window a few garden ornaments and a few butterfly stakes she liked butterflies her garden chair and some candles these nights are lonely and the time is none ending when she was here the nights just fly over a night seems to last 24 hours i have not touched anything in the house or any of her stuff it is like she is still here i wish she was i miss her loads more every day
1 Like
Hi there I am like you can’t touch any of my husbands things every thing is where he left them I know sometimes the pain is unbearable but somehow we have to find the strength to keep going I am sure your wife would not want you to be feeling the way you are now thinking of you take care
That’s a good thing to do, A. Frasier. A small memorial to your wife. My husband and I were very keen on taking pictures from when we started ‘courting’! Just everyday events, so I have those about the house. I have a picture of my husband on the side in the kitchen and living room where I always ensues fresh flowers. Other things I have had to be practical about and have moved. I have a box under the bed of his/my favourite things e.g. the jumper I most liked to see him in. His favourite shorts etc. A memory box. hear my husband talking to me in my head, so I listen. He had a saying about dealing with his health issues, which he had the intermittently from 27yrs old … ‘you can’t change it darl, so we will just have to get on with it’. I know it’s hard to stop dwelling on the bad times, but doing so will not change it. I think thats why, maybe, Counselling is hard, we what that person to change what has happened. We go round and round in circles, but we come back to the same point in time … we have lost the most important person in our life. I now look at life and say to myself ‘what’s the worst possible thing that could happen? The answer? Well it’s already happened. Listen to your wife talking to you, what would she be saying? Thinking of you all.
Yo have also got my hubbys ashes at home in a casket I could not get my head round not bringing him home, I have a memorial to him also on my garden which is nice to look st in the summer . Like you we all have different ways of dealing with this and it will be painful , while we hurt I suppose we are alive and I want to smile when I think of him and think about good times I know like your all you loverly people it’s a dark place and I’m not sure what’s normal anymore . Take care all you people , all we can do is talk
Hi Jean2 your comments on not moving further away from our loved ones but moving further towards them is what i also believe . Lost my partner 6 months ago and i hated time moving on and thinking he was getting further and further away from me then realised that i was actually travelling along a path that one day would take me to him again . It cheered me up and gave me a reason to go on through this living hell love to everyone Debbie 13 xx
Hi Christine
this is exactly how I feel after losing my wife just over 2 weeks ago. People say it will get easier and time will heal, but today it feels like I will never get used to not being with her any more. She made me promise, before she passed, to look after our cat and to live life to the full in her memory - if I hadn’t made that promise I don’t know what I would be doing now. I have times I wished I’d died instead of her. I’m just not strong enough without her to cope - she was always my rock.