I’m so sorry to hear about your partner. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really overwhelmed.
I think you could really do with some support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org).
Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area. Please be aware that GPs and support services are not currently offering face-to-face appointments, but will usually be offering telephone or online alternatives.
You deserve care and support so please do get in touch with one of these services.
If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
Dear A Frazer
I am so saddened to read your post. I too have only recently lost my husband of 38 years.
Please keep posting on this site. There are others (regrettably) sharing our pain but who may be able to give us both comfort and support and be there to listen when we need someone.
Christine
Reading your post is like you are reading my mind - you seem to mention everything I feel and think. Thank you so much for sharing.
I also had the awful thought when the new year started that I would have to face the whole year without him - yet another unbearable aspect to this journey.
A few years ago I tripped while jogging and fell face down on the pavement - I didn’t have time to save myself so injured my face quite badly and my husband came to rescue me. I ran past where it happened today and I thought what I wouldn’t give to be sitting on the pavement covered in blood and for him to be there to rescue me.
I miss his love and care and support and everything about sharing my life with him - i feel I’m in a void - I hope time allows it to get more bearable.
i phone up samaritans regularly but after a few hours i am back to square one all you get off your gp is phone the samaritans or 111 i am having n h s counselling but its like talking to the samaritans it all seems pointless and you get no where you just go round in circles and with covid you just sit here 24 x7 go to shops for a couple of hours see nobody back home it is all so pointless i miss her loads and cant stop thinking about her i wish i was with her
Hi Frazer. I know what you mean about some of the bereavement services. They listen but cannot advise and all you want is advice on how to deal with the pain. The media makes it sound so easy to get help but isn’t. There is always a long waiting list and you find yourself going round in circles. My friend lost both her adult children to suicide and phoned me one night in desperation. I immediately rang the samaritans but they told me to phone someone else and when I eventually got to talk to someone they didn’t seem to understand her pain. It is sometimes as though you are passed from pillar to post and when grieving it is not what you want. I have found this site to be the best thing that happened since Ron died. Whenever you are desperate and whatever the time there is always someone who understands you exactly and who has suffered as you have. It is like having a family of friends who are here constant day or night. Please use us to help you. God bless.
Hi Christine,I can identify with everything you said. I lost my husband very traumatically and suddenly last May. Life is a struggle and some days it’s hard to carry on. The loneliness is huge and there’s a gaping hole in my life. I have little support from family but some good friends for whom I am very grateful. The trouble is I can’t see them at the moment due to Covid regulations and so this makes everything so much harder to bear. I miss my husband of fifty years so very much. I was so lucky. I had one of the good ones. Please feel free to chat any time. Nadine
Thanks for your reply
If only we could turn the clock back and relive those moments again from our past
I’ll hold on to your thought that time might make the sadness and loneliness more bearable
Thinking of you
Take care
Christine
Dear Derfandy
I’m very sorry to hear about the loss of your husband
My husband died last April in the first lockdown As you say all the restrictions have made it all so much harder with having to isolate away from family and friends
It is very lonely and life cannot be the same again I go on for my husbands sake if I didn’t I’d feel I was letting him down
You are in my thoughts
Christine x
Thank you for your thoughtful message. I am in a similar timeline to you. I lost my husband and best friend in May 2020. Christmas was hard, but with family and good friends via WhatsApp I got through it. I am still sorting out his paper work, closing down accounts and letting people know that he has died which is really painful. I miss him terribly. I still have all his clothes, I just can’t bring myself to remove them. I don’t know what 2021 will bring.
Don’t rush yourself. I lost my husband in April 2019. I still have a lot of his clothes. I think u you’ll do things when it feels okay for you. I gave away, strangely because I felt less guilty, anything that was really warm, to the Salvation Army. A good deed. The paperwork I found really hard in that first year. I had always done it, it wasn’t that, it was telling officialdom. I felt like I was wiping away my husbands very existence. Take very good care. Be kind to yourself.
Dear nikiae
I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your husband
My husband also had underlying health conditions He ‘d had lymphoma and was in remission but the side effects of treatment caused severe copd and then unfortunately he caught covid and died
It is hard trying to carry on after losing your loved one I sorted out the paperwork last year as soon as I could and gave his clothes to a cancer charity I just wanted it done I felt numb at the time I t wasnt until this was finished that I started to feel very sad and lonely Everyone has to do things in their own time
I’m sure you’ll get through it all
Thinking of you
Christine x
Thank you Jadders for your message. Such a wonderful idea - the Salvation Army. I will contact them when I am ready and donate his clothes to them. Thank you again.
Christine.
I can relate to every word you have written I lost My wife Julie on the 8th December 2019 I cannot beleive how the time has flown but every word rings true the guilt the emptiness we now face without the person we loved. But go on we must even though the mountains seam to high to climb tears will be shed I should say forever Time will heal the scars try remember all the wonderfull times spent together.
Hello you are feeling exactly like me my husband has been gone 14 weeks and I am still trying hard to come to terms without him every day is a struggle people say it will get easier I am not so sure
I’m very sorry to hear about the loss of your wife
Thanks for your kind words
It is hard living without the one we love in our lives and I do have happy memories to look back on
Hopefully as you say time will make the pain more bearable Time has passed in a blur so fast yet looking back it all seems to have happened a long time ago
Hoping you find strength to keep going
Take care
Christine
Hi It is VERY hard partner died in november 2020 the days last fore ever today seems to have lasted 100 hours rang samaritins got 1 hour the day is none ending what do people do? i have no family all dead been trying to ring hospital chaplin about 6 times no answer as usual may as well be dead i dont think i can live this life it is awfull
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your partner. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really overwhelmed at the moment. I know how difficult things can be, especially while we are in the midst of a pandemic.
I think you could really do with some support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org).
Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area. Please be aware that GPs and support services are not currently offering face-to-face appointments, but will usually be offering telephone or online alternatives.
You deserve care and support so please, get in touch with one of these services.
If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
Hello a Fraser
Sorry to hear about the loss of your partner and the terrible time you’ve having
Yes the days are long and lonely especially now with all the restrictions
I was with my husband 45 years altogether Like yourself it’s a whole lifetime with the person you love so just because they’re not with you now doesn’t mean you can get on with life It doesn’t work like that I’ve been and still go through many different emotions I cry every day and it’s overwhelmingly sad and lonely I f you read the posts on this site you’ll find that others are experiencing sorrow and sadness and loneliness and that you’re not alone
For myself I’ve made my mind up that I will go on I want to live and try and be happy because I’ve no doubt whatsoever that’s what my husband would want for me He battled on through his illness and never gave up and I’m doing this for him but it’s a continuing struggle for me It’s natural to have emotions when we’ve lost the person we love and I do wish I could still share my life with my husband so what you feel is natural please be kind to yourself
Take care
Christine