It will soon be 6 months since M died, I can’t believe time has gone so fast.
I feel like I survived Christmas, it was tough and exhausting but there was some joy too. I’m glad it’s done though , for another year.
Now New Year is fast approaching . It’s never been my favourite time but this year it feels very overwhelming.
I’m going back to work in a week, after taking extended bereavement leave.
I’m terrified ! I feel like a newly qualified with 25 years experience that feels like someone else lived.
Seeing a new year stretched ahead of me is actually filling me with anxiety. How do I navigate it alone . How do I work, run a house, being up kids , live …. It goes on and on!! I miss M so much it actually hurts. I still don’t know who I am without him beside me, my very best friend and soul mate.
I’ve been pretty resilient as M would have been furious if I hadn’t been and I wanted to support my kids. I have ‘lived’ my grief , doing what I needed to do at the time as I felt I needed, it worked for me. Now I feel like everyone expects me to fine, back to ‘normal’ whatever that is .
I gained some confidence in my abilities to manage and thought I had come to some sort of agreement with loneliness. But now I feel all at sea again , anxious, lonely overwhelmed…. all the emotions I felt initially. I think I’ve gone backwards but I should be going forwards. All I really want to do is curl up and hibernate !
Lordy, it’s a washing machine of thoughts and emotions in my head .
How are you all , are you feeling like me around a new year or have you negotiated this before?
I’d love to hear how you’re doing. It’s pretty grim in my own head
Love to you all
@Swantaff I hear you loud and clear! I posted something similar a few days ago, I’ve survived just over a year. N died 3 days before Christmas last year. Those first months are both a blur and a nightmare…
I’m not sure how I managed, I had support, but not from the one person I needed, however I’ve survived the first year, come out a bit stronger, also weaker, more pragmatic, sometimes bitter and angry, but I’ve also laughed, had some fun, learnt some new things, met new people!
All the things I would have wished for N if it had been the other way around…
We didn’t have kids, so that’s not been a consideration for me but if you can find a way to take a day or two to yourself, then do that… it’s OK to be a little bit selfish. In fact, it’s not even selfish is is?
You can’t look after them, without looking after yourself first…
We can do this, a day or an hour at a time, we have to because there’s so much out there for us to see and do and to we need to carry on the memories!
Hugs
It will soon be 6 months for me too Swantaff and I’ve been doing the best I can to navigate this new life without my beloved husband. I was absolutely dreading Christmas but actually spending it with my kids and grandkids really was far better than I could ever have imagined. My 5 year old granddaughter said her very favourite things are rainbows and now she calls my husband “grandad rainbow” which is sweet and she drew me a picture of him and his own rainbow which is on my fridge. His birthday was 3rd January but I think I’ll be ok and I’m feeling more optimistic about next year as I slowly begin to heal mentally from his loss. I hope everyone here can find some peace of mind in 2025. X
This will be my first New Year since my husband died suddely in March. Christmas was manageable as its for the kids but New Year is different. In all honesty I dont want to see in another year.
@Cab
I’m sorry to hear that. It’s so tough isn’t it.
That’s why I find this forum so useful and a great support.
I’m now back to getting through each day rather than planning too far. Seems manageable.
Hopfully you’ll find something that makes this time more tolerable
Xx
hi i lost my husband over 7 months ago we had been together 49 years and today was my 70th birthday which was hard the first birthday without Davy it is so hard and i feel just so sad but you keep going in the hope that you will at some point in my life slightly better
This will be my first new year as a widower and im not looking forward to hogmanay or the day itself. To make matters worse, January 6th is the day i lost my wife. This will be the last of the ‘Firsts’, if you know what i mean.
Christmas was lovely, as I spent it at my son’s.
It was a joy seeing my one year old grandson opening his presents. I did have a bit of a wobble when ’ Last Christmas ’ came on the car radio. My mind went in to overdrive telling me last Christmas was my wife’s last Christmas.
I really want to reignite my social life in 2025 and get over the self-imposed hurdle of walking into a pub on my own.
I feel I am getting stronger every day: thinking of my wife has me smiling now, rather than in tears.
Goodbye 2024 , you were horrible! Hello 2025, the only way is up.
Warm wishes to you all. Lets hope we all see a bit of joy in the new year : We deserve it.
I too face the new year without my beloved who passed away 11 months ago i m dreading it but i managed to get through xmas with tears and sadness so we’ll see what it will bring at the moment im taking one day at a time.
Really feel for you. 6 months for me too. Also dreading new year - I hate that moving into a new year moves me further away from time I last spent with him, and hate the thought of starting a whole new year without him. Just wishing I could turn back time to when he was still here.
Exactly @JLF12 , that’s exactly how I’m feeling.
Today I had the wind taken out of me with my 2025 calendar! Getting rid of 2024 and where M had written in the first few months was heartbreaking. I’ve put the calendar in the bin but can’t get it out of my head .
I’m back to taking each day , I can cope with that.
Love to you
Hi Plantsman,
Like you I am very nearly at the end of all my ‘firsts’- except new years’ eve and my darling partner passed away on 10th January, after a very courageous battle with cancer.,
These last few ‘firsts’ have been tough with us meeting on the 19th December, five years ago, then Christmas and as above. It seems alot in a very short space of time.
I share yr optimism for 2925 and truly-the only way is up.
Take Care
Same to you. I agree, I think we have to go back to taking each day at a time. 2 steps back and one forwards. I went through my 2024 calendar a few weeks ago, knowing it would upset me - I cried through each of the 6 months we had spent together, remembering the good memories. I even went back to Dec ‘23 as I wanted to remember what we had done last year. Take care x
@Elite - we started out in December too. I have been remembering those times from 10 years ago, remembering how much they changed my life at the time and how he completely swept me off my feet back then. Take care x
@Swantaff totally understand where you’re coming from. It’s been 15 months for me and it’s been really tough recently. New year will be the same as last year -an early meal out with my sons and then to bed well before midnight.
It is so overwhelming suddenly doing everything yourself and you sound like your kids are younger than mine so it must be hard. I’m sure once you get going back at work it will be ok. I definitely found it meant I had to just get up and get on, which hard as it is, I think helps you keep going.
I hope you have some kind colleagues to help you. Xx
Hello all, have only posted once but have been here a fair bit - thank you all for sharing so candidly.
I am 14w into this ‘new llfe’. My lovely Phil had a 7w cancer hell; he had just turned 51.
Got through Christmas by going away but the teenagers wanted to be home for NYE. It’s always been an awful night in my view- Phil and I used to go to bed by 10pm then get up early and drive somewhere, as the roads were empty.
I echo what others have said - I don’t it to be 2025 as that’s a year without Phil in it. I haven’t bought a new calendar and the old one is still on September. I am dreading tonight and am hoping to be asleep before midnight but also dreading the new year starting.
I’m also coming up to 6 months. Christmas wasn’t as hard as everyone kept telling me it would be. I spent it with my children and grandsons so was kept busy. Apart from that it was no better or worse than any other day since my lovely husband left me.
I’m not sure how I feel about the New Year. I’m going to a neighbor’s party tonight. I’m dreading it but I’m making myself go. I think tomorrow will be very difficult and I probably won’t see anyone all day. Then I’m back to work on 2nd.
I seem to be going through all the above on auto pilot. When I stop and think too hard I feel there’s no point in any of it. It’s hard to believe life will ever improve.
I hope you all have a survivable New Years Eve, however you choose to spend it. And I hope 2025 will bring you some love and kindness.
New year is a particularly poignant time isn’t it.
I’ve found this site really useful but I’d really like to find a group of people in the same situation to meet with face to face, but looking at the sue Ryder groups they look great but are all in the daytime and I work full time, plus they’re a long way from me.
If anyone has any info on groups they’re aware of (I’m in chilterns) it would be great.
This group has made me feel so much less isolated and alone, and to see other people say what I’m thinking has been really helpful (and made me feel less insane). But I agree that a face to face group would also be very supportive. I’ve looked for one with no luck.
If anyone knows of a face to face group in the Oxford area please let me know.
Mill, I echo your words, I don’t want to be in a new year without my beloved Pete. An awful new life this is’. At least 2024 we were in our year together despite the racing heart throughout clinical review appointments. Love and strength to All