I understand you, grief is the worst pain of all, its 2 years for me, this time last year I was a wreck, unable to talk to anyone, but this year I did mix for a few hours, then came home and realised I must be moving forward. 1dont feel happy, but I am contented and still take one day at a time. The last few weeks have been so hard i have lost one of my beautiful dogs and my cat, both pts, been crying a lot. All i can say is you are not alone, life is cruel for us and i pray that we will one day feel some sort of happiness again xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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I feel exactly the same. Got through my hubbys first birthday 21st December which also marked 6 months since he passed. Christmas was tough but i was determined to try and make it as normal as possible for our two daughters. New years was never a big deal for us but i too really felt it New years day. The start of another year stretching out without him makes me feel bereft. I will keep going for my girls but my future seems so bleak without him.
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Well, the Christmas period is over, thank goodness!
We survived it and I certainly have some bruising from the overwhelming sadness only grief can bring. But there was a little happiness too.
A new year ahead is still sad , terrifying and daunting, , especially as I know M will never be part of the years ahead .
But I’ve realised, those years are coming regardless . I’m just going to navigate them as they come, day by day, with my kids and hopefully happiness will come too.
Wishing you all the best new year you can have, hoping you all find a little happiness alongside the sadness.
Love to you all
Xx
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I’ve read quite a few of the replies on this topic and feel better now I can see so many of you are experiencing the same feelings and emotions. It’s been so easy to compare myself to those who haven’t suffered a loss and get despondent.
I lost my husband in February 2024 and Christmas itself was better than I thought it would be, mainly due to having family around me. However, I crashed back to earth with a bump when everyone left and I was finally on my own! I’ve been really emotional since the 29th and so tired - not helped by sleepless nights (again!). I’m due to go back to work on Monday after the Christmas break and although work was fine when I finished on the 23rd, I’m dreading it now and want to shut myself away and hibernate.
I did read somewhere that it’s common to experience the intense grief again some months after the initial loss and I’m wondering if that’s what this is - has anyone else had this? I think I’m also subconsciously dreading the last of the “firsts” i.e. the anniversary now that Christmas is over.
Thanks for reading, take care everyone xx
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@Fish2 It’s not quite 6 months for me so I don’t think I’ve got past the intense stage of grief yet. I have been reading everything I can find on grief though, and what I’m learning is that there’s always someone else who’s had the mad thoughts and moments that I have.
I always keep flowers next to my husband’s ashes. Daffodils were his absolute favourite. He loved the colour and cheerfulness of them. He thought they were a herald of spring and better things to come. So I was delighted to find some in Sainsbury’s this afternoon. Until I got home with them and thought that nothing better will ever come without him in my world. I’m sure this has happened to other people too.
I also went back to work today for the first time. This is also turning into a horrible ordeal for me. Hibernation sounds perfect!
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This was my first xmas without my beloved i found it hard going and cried a lot as i miss him terribly I dread the new year ahead without my beloved but I’ll just take one day at a time that is all i can do .
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@Fish2
Same for me, I crashed too just before NY, couldn’t stop crying & when I wasn’t I slept. It has felt like I’m back at the start. It’s been 6 months for me.
I had been back at work and had found that a good distraction, anything I did without him I can focus more easily and separate from my grief. It’s the times, places & people we did together that are hard. I’m finding the grief continues to come in waves, so just waiting for it too calm again. Take care
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Glad we all seem to have survived Xmas/new year despite the tears. I have found it harder since the year has passed, partly because I think it feels more real now (my husband passed away unexpectedly, just collapsed so no time to prepare and I was in shock for the first months and trying to keep going for my sons so just ran on autopilot). However I think a large part of it is that although my friends have genuinely been incredible, I think everyone thinks you’re alright once you’ve got past the year of firsts and if truth be told I think it’s harder now because everyone thinks you’re ok now. I am a positive person but I do think that although I’m more used to the situation now, I just feel even sadder about it 
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It’s all we can do, one day at a time. You are not alone, we’re all here, all going through the same thing and all supporting each other.
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My husband went the first few days of April so we are more or less at the same point. I hate New Year as well; how can time just keep plodding on and moving away from when he was still here? I keep being told by well-meaning people ‘it will get easier’ but it seems to be getting worse. I managed to sort everything out at first, the paperwork, the funeral, probate etc. etc. but now all I do is sit on the sofa with my new dog watching rubbish on the TV and crying. JD would have loved the puppy but he was gone before Sam was even born and that’s yet another thing that hurts.
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A few people have said to me that I must be glad to see the back of 24. But they are quite wrong I would rather stay in the year he had still lived, it made me feel closer to him x
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Thank you for your kind words.
Today my husband would’ve been 76 but he passed away 6 months ago. I won’t be alone today as my family have rallied round like they always do. Despite the company I’ll be thinking of him all day and wishing it was his arms around me. I’m still getting strength from everyone here so thank you. I hope you can all find some peace in this new year.X
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Hi there,
New year is tough, it’s when we would have made plans for the following year, holidays, house repairs, garden ideas etc., this year it feels harder, as I moved last year which definitely helped me but not for everyone.
So many people say one day at a time, and for me that is true… take care of yourself xx
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I must admit, It must be very difficult saying the right thing to a recently bereaved person.
There is nothing they can say that comes close to understanding how it feels to lose a loved one. I’ve found too that there is a limit to their sympathy. The light went on for me early on: the grief is our own and healing is largely self administered.
The range of emotions we all go through after losing a loved one,is personal to each of us and sooner or later we all will come to terms with them.
We all are guilty of negative thinking at times, but we must go on one way or another.
I see it as a continuation of our life’s journey, rather than our new life. All of our lives, we have had to adapt to new situations: loves and losses and losing our soulmates is the hardest, cruelest adaption of all, but adapt we must.
For me its helped to remember that i wasnt always part of a couple and that part of me has to be shaken awake to help me now.
Do I feel happy? No of course not: I cant bring my lovely lady back. I can, however cherish her in my heart forever. When i think of her i can feel the deep love we had for each other.
So, i continue down my life’s road. One foot at a time.
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Hi Plantman,
Wise words and one we must try and adapt to but so hard most of the time.
Best Wishes
My sister-in-law and I decided that the daftest thing people say to you when they offer their sympathy is ‘Are you alright?’ (my brother died ten days after my husband) what do you answer? ‘No, I’m not’? SIL says she tried that a couple of times and just got back a ‘Oh’. So yes, you’re right, healing can only be self administered despite other people’s best effots and I am lucky enough to have a very good support system of family, friends and neighbours.
I will admit though, at the moment, learning to adapt to a new part of the journey through life for me is hard, almost impossible. My husband was there, beside me, for 53 and a half years and I’m still waiting for him to come home despite everything logical telling me he isn’t going to. I don’t want to be a lonley old widow who talks to her dog all the time to fill the void but it looks like that’s what’s in store.
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A new year experience for me. I’ve just been to the dentist and had some pretty brutal work done in preparation for a new crown. I drove home thinking about walking into this empty house without my husband here to offer kindness, care and sympathy.
Right at this moment I don’t want this life. How can I ever be happy again without him. Every day for nearly 6 months has been such a struggle and I’m simply worn out with it all.
I will end up as a mad old woman talking to my cats and no one will care.
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I do so understand and, ironically, the dentist is the only place I’ve burst into tears in public so far. We always went together up until the last two years of his final illness but I always believed he’d come with me again ‘when he got better’. I have a minor operation coming up and I’m dreading the thought of facing it alone and going home to the empty house afterwards.
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I have the dentist in 2 weeks. It will be 6 months of grief and struggling without R. The dentists chair gives me vertigo. I am usually unwell for a few days. I don’t know how I will manage without him. We always looked after eachother. I also have dogs to care for. I never expected to feel this sad and alone. I have never felt this vulnerable
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