@Billie7 Everything you have said echos what I feel except I can do the jobs around the house as My Ron couldnt do much for the last ten years but he was always here to moan and groan with. I feel I am being a right misery at the moment as well. Just feeling sorry for myself I suppose. Not a good feeling is it but not having many good feelings now. Sending hugs to all. x
I understand what you are saying perfectly. My Rosie asked me once if I would find someone else after she was gone and I replied flippantly ānot at my age I donāt have time train another oneā we laughed about it for a long time. At first I couldnāt bear the thought of someone taking her place but the loneliness of living alone is awful. Iām a gregarious person and I have hundreds of friends and am involved in various clubs and committees which I enjoy but coming home to my empty bungalow is really getting me down. Itās five months to the day today since she left us and with Christmas approaching Iām now wondering how much more of this can I take. Iām my own worst enemy because just the thought of āsomeone elseā makes me feel incredibly guilty as if Iām insulting her memory even thinking about the subject. Then I ask myself would she mind? As I never gave it a thought before she died the subject never came up seriously so I donāt know what her feelings were on the topic. I know people will say that now sheās gone I should make the decision but I just canāt do it without thinking of her all the time and I feel that would be unfair to any prospective āpartnerā so Iām kind of stuck ābetween the devil and the deep blue seaā as the old saying goes but guess I have to make the decision whether I want to or not. Writing here about it has at least got it off my chest. I hope you find it easier to āmove onā I really do.
4 Likes
@Eldento My husband and I also had the same sort of conversation a few years ago. We were together 50 years and as Iām 77 not only am I too old to start again I really wouldnt want anyone else. He was everything to me, my soulmate, my best friend and a wonderful husband BUT it is everyones personal choice about this situation. If thats what you want I hope you find someone who makes you happy. Iām sure your Rosie would want you to be happy. Take care. Ann x
2 Likes
Thanks. I am going to buy some chamomile tea on my way back from work. I will try anything by now to get some sleep. And I am going to work out the C/ H if it kills me. Thank goodness for Google. I could ask my brother in law but I donāt want to bother people. Love you all of you also going through this. You are all such a help when it is so easy to feel so alone. Xx
4 Likes
My husband told me very firmly that he wanted me to find someone else with whom to have the adventures we planned together. Like you though, I feel very guilty at the idea. Perhaps a friend and travelling companion wouldnāt feel as disloyal as another relationship.
3 Likes
Itās not really helpful is it to be told you are strong when you feel anything but? I think all of us must look to the outside world as if we are coping much better than we feel. We donāt want to bother people and particularly donāt want them to stop inviting us because we are such poor company - so we put on our masks.
4 Likes
Annie I know what you say but I donāt believe you are ever too old. Iām a mere 75 but I donāt think age matters in anything you do or wish to do. As someone else said there are still adventures to be had and places to go where some companionship would not only be personally gratifying it would make the entire process of travelling easier to bear than being alone. Someone to talk to who can give a different insight into what is happening or what you are seeing. I see it as what would be the point of travelling to see a spectacular view if there is no one to share the experience, to discuss it and see someone elseās viewpoint on the whole aspect of it? To discuss the journey over a nice meal or a drink or two? I said before that I could never replace my Rosie nor would I try to.
4 Likes
Yeh baby steps and just friendship i agree because its too much anything else at the moment for anything else isnt it ? My dentist told me he would want to be happy and i believe he would too ā¦ bless him - i wish it was him but i cant bring him back can i , sadly:( Xxx
2 Likes
I totally agree with you. Travel and new experiences are best shared. It doesnāt have to be a āromanceā. I have been looking at solo travel but, like you, I prefer the thought of someone to turn to in order to discuss the experience.
PM me if you want a travel friend.
3 Likes
I had arranged to meet my sister and a friend for supper in town Saturday evening. I was finding Saturday difficult as I was just feeling wave after wave of sadness but I thought I should try to keep to the arrangement.
When I got to Leicester Square it was heaving. I just flipped. I could not stand being amongst so many people. There was just a roaring in my ears and I could not order my thoughts beyond thinking āI have to get awayā. The tube station was closed because of overcrowding but somehow I managed to get myself home. I had to lie on the bed weeping with the TV on in the background. I simply miss my gorgeous Christine so much. Thatās the essence of it.
I find it very hard to get the balance right between submitting to the āshould do this or thatā as it may help relieve how awful I am feeling with the need to self nurture, the recognition that pushing myself (or allow others to push me) will not prove to be helpful at this time.
Did not really sleep last night. Today it is very grey with a continuous drizzle but somewhat warmer than it has been. Managed to walk up the road for a coffee and to read my book. I think that will be it for the day. Just endure the nightmare. Feel awful.
Hope other folk are faring better than I this weekend.
Best wishes to you.
5 Likes
Aw ā¦ poor you. So hard isnāt it. Dull and grey here too in yorkshire. After having a lovely break with my daughter and granddaughter feeling it too. The quiet the damn right misery of being by yourself !!! No husband or in your case wife . Just gets better and better doesnt it 
i just fell asleep at dinnertime. Escapes some if the misery and mustve needed it ? Think as you say we have to self care. All we can do really. ā¦ do whats right for us not anyone else. Leicester square at xmas ā¦ mmm bet it was crazy - dont blame you for fleeing x
1 Like
Thanks @Deb5,
Yes you are right. Good that you managed to have a nap. Hope I manage to get some rest tonight.
Somehow grope towards insight as to what is the most helpful? Trial and error; follow your gut maybe?
Have just spent the rest of the day with dross on the TV and read a little. Could not face going to the gym.
All the best. x
3 Likes
I need somebody to stop xmas ! I dont like it ! Everybody getting all excited and nothing for me to get excited about without my lovely hubby here !!! They can all get lost as far as im concerned. Curtains closed and hiding from this stupid selfish world !!!
3 Likes
I think it is really hard at this time of year. I hate going shopping. I feel like I am having my nose rubbed in the fact that there seem to be couples everywhere. I can sympathise with wanted to get away from people. I find crowds overwhelming and I am worried that I will burst into tears and make a fool of myself. Take care all of you and I will be glad when Christmas is over. Xx
4 Likes
I simply want some relief from this intense sadness and aloneness I am feeling. It is crushing.
4 Likes
I feel exactly the same . Xx
3 Likes
To everyone who hates Xmas now: I hate this time of the year tooā¦ I try to go out off peak hours, so I do not have to see the bags and bags of shopping and the hype. My love was how my Christmas became a less lonely time three decades agoā¦ Now I am back to where I wasā¦only this time, it is most likely the conclusionā¦I feel like I have lived a life, perhaps not full but enough to say that I am fine to finally let goā¦ and I miss him so muchā¦ that now I look towards returning to the Heavenly, so I may be with my soulmate for eternity, if God allow.
You are all in my prayersā¦ May God comfort usā¦another tough day.
3 Likes
āShouting doesnāt helpā. I think it does, although we might not realise it at the time. Releasing all the emotions weāre experiencing in grief is better than bottling them up.
For me, the turning point came when I wrote a letter to my husband - months after his death. It was very hard to do and I wept buckets, but afterwards, I felt a new sense of calm, a sort of sad acceptance. I know Iāll never be the same , life without him will never be the same, but with the loving support of friends and family, I can make a new normal. I can find joy again, even if itās just in the little things. I can do this for him because I know he would have wanted me to.
4 Likes
Thank you. That gives me a bit of hope that although things will never be ānormalā there may be a time when life might get better and I agree. I think you canāt bottle everything up although sometimes itās easier. Sending love. X
2 Likes