Its going to be a very tough day for me, tougher than usual. I have a hospital appointment at 11am. It is the same day and time my wonderful husband passed away there and is the first time I have been to the hospital since. I know I am lucky to even have the appointment. I have waited months for it so I didnt want to cancel it. Just have to put my big girl pants on and get through it. Hope you all have a good day if thats possible. xx
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Sending hugs Annie, itās a big ask going back, but hopefully this time, for a positive reason 
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Oh no ā¦ but hope it goes ok ? Bless you xx
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Best wishes to you @AnnieG1. Iāve no doubt it will be very challenging for you. I hope you manage to get through it relatively ok.
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Hi Annie. I hope everything went ok for you. Sending hugs xx
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Thank you for responding to my post. Iām thinking of you and sending you love and hope for the future. Grief is hard work but with support, weāll get through x
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Thank you for all your good wishes for yesterday. It was hard but I felt I had achieved something just by going on such an awful memory day. I had a few tears when I was asked if I was ok but everyone was so lovely. Thanks again. x
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It is awful to lose your loved husband or partner. My husband died 16 months ago and we were married for 54 years and two years of being engaged ā¦so 56 years of him being my absolute world and rock and anchor seeing me through all the trials and tribulations with calm wisdom. I am so bereft and it seems worse in this second year without him because I know it is forever. I cry and sob and just feel I have no real purpose in life. I have recently moved from our home of 47 years to live near to my two sons but although the house is nice I feel the loss and the void even more. i suppose it will always be like this nowā¦ no real incentive or happinessā¦ how do we cope? I have a dog who is a lifeline to me but she is now 15ā¦ without her i donāt know what I will do. Do other people find the second year worse than at first?
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Hi @Pat91,
Come January it will be two years since my gorgeous wife Christine died.
Yes, without a doubt this second year has been far worse than the first. Pretty much since February I began to notice that the feelings of sadness, aloneness and downright horror were getting more intense as the days and months passed.
In my case, I think for much of the first year I was just in shock and essentially numb. Where the first year went and how I managed is all just a blur. But I fancy that it has been as this numbness and shock ware off that the real ghastliness has begun to come to the fore.
At the moment I donāt feel that I am living life, rather I am enduring a nightmare. It is very tough. I am sorry that you too are finding it tough.
You are not alone in how you feel.
Best wishes to you.
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Thank you for your kind words which made me feel that i am not alone in how I feel. Yes the first year i was numb and traumatised even though i didnāt want him to carry on living with the dreadful illness of dementia but now I wish he was back so that I could even just hold his hand and sit by him but I guess he is at peace and this is best for him. My mind goes repeatedly back to all our younger days and when we first met and wherever I go to places all around me where I have been with him the memories are causing me such grief I wish I could find a way forward. My thanks again.
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Again I can understand what you are saying. The longing I feel pretty much continuously, to have Christine back to hug and tell her how much I love her is about the most tangible thing in my world at present. It is very hard.
Yup, some folk say to me, in an attempt to comfort me: āJust think of all the happy time you had togetherā. But this is an absolute torture, very quickly I will be reduced to weeping.
I donāt know about a way forward. It is more a case of endurance; just surviving at the moment.
Best wishes.
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Thinking about the happy times together makes the loss so much worse doesnāt it. People say it constantly - that I should remember the happy times and that I was lucky to have such a lovely man. All I take from that is that I have lost a truly lovely man and that my happy times are now all in the past. I donāt find that any comfort at all.
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I agree ! The memory of happy times are worse cos makes you realise all that bunch of love you have lost !!! Xxx
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Agreed with all of you. The memories absolutely cripple me. Even one of my sons said to me recently " Try and think this is where we had a lovely time and donāt feel sad about it." How little they understand even though they grieve the loss of a lovely father. The loss of your life partner is so much more overwhelming. My sister said that I was lucky to have had my husband for such a long time and I know that is true but none of us who are grieving so much feel lucky do we? It is just such a dreadful sadness but we have to somehow live with this sorrow . My local vicar said to me that the people who say it gets easier are talking rubbishā¦ we just have to live alongside the grief. How hard it all is. My thanks and good wishes are with all of you.
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@AnnieG1 Good to hear thatā¦ you managed well. : )
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Last night was awful. I hardly got any rest. Every time I closed my eyes memories of Christine came flooding to the fore. Just torture.
I walked up the road for a coffee and to read my book this morning. Did not stay very long as I could feel such intense sadness welling up in me; I began to feel physically unwell.
Got home. Lay on the bed crying. Such intense sadness, aloneness and futureless. When you think the feelings cannot possibly get any more intense they do. I am so tired of everything.
A terrible day today.
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@JerryH I so feel for you. Every thing seems to be going wrong. Floods from leaking radiators now gas leak so no heating or hot water. Donāt know how to deal with life at the moment so just sitting crying, not that that makes it any better. I so hope you days get better. Take care. Ann x
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Yep same here ! Lightbulb in 3 rooms have gone ! Flipping xmas light bulbs went last night! Kids being awful ! Oh well no presents for them ! Xx
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Thank you Ann.
Best wishes to you.
Simon x
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Aw ā¦bless you 
thanks ā¦ i wish i lived near some of you too ! Be good wouldnt it xx i just made myself a stew from scratch ! Thought i might have forgotten how to do it ? My husband used to love stew and ive not made it since he got poorly last year 
xx
Btw this message meant for @jol ! Think messed it up xx
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