A Question to ponder...

Hi
I would tell them to watch all episodes of afterlife.
That’s real grief and the best councilling you will get.
My wife died almost two years ago and I exist alone with my dog just like the series. All grief councillors should be made to watch it and maybe just maybe they will get it.
Ricky gervais deserves an Oscar.

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Like your heart has been ripped out and you’re left with the jaggy edges stuck in your chest. Like you’re falling into a deep dark hole, not able to see the bottom. Waking up every day with crippling anxiety about what the future now holds. Eating everything or not eating at all. Never being able to sleep properly like you used to, if at all. Like the whole world feels wrong… because you’re loved one isn’t a part of it anymore. All excitement for the future is now gone or doesn’t hold any meaning. A part of you dies with the person and everyday after is like above says, a living hell. Be prepared to be a shell of the person you once were.

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That’s a great question

I’m grieving it’s been 8 weeks since I lost my mum very unexpectedly who was 61 .

Grief to me feels like my heart is not working properly it’s missing that part that makes it whole to work, I can’t breathe well as I’m in pain , I’ve lost all my get up & go I just can’t be bothered & don’t care , a song will play & my eyes cry as I’m hearing the words for the first time & it all reminds me of mum , every day is different some good some not it’s the worst feeling ever it’s just empty horrendous pain that you can’t control :slightly_frowning_face::slightly_frowning_face:

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Hi William, I have told a few of my forum friends to watch ‘Afterlife’ as it is the nearest thing to what grief is like. Ricky has got it spot, written so well :+1: like you I pretty much mirror Tony, as it was my dog who prevented me doing something daft, I also have my Dad in a care home with dementia so empathize entirely with the series. I don’t have a sex worker cleaner though :joy: I have just finished season 2 and it has given me hope that things will get better.

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Hi. Kate. The unanswerable question. I think I said before that if you have never tasted a banana how do you describe the taste? Any life trauma can only be felt by the individual alone. Even the comfort we derive from other people who have suffered in this way is often not enough to deaden the pain. Grief remains and always will be, an individual process.
We can listen to advice from those who suffer as we do, of course we can, and learn so much, but it still comes down in the end whether we take in and use what we learn. Inertia is one of the big problems in grief. The ‘not wanting to do’ can soon become a habit.
We can use all sorts of words to describe grief and every one is true. But what is ‘a living hell’ to someone young and full of the joys of life. Meaningless!! Look back to when we were young. Would we have understood the pain even if someone had tried to describe it?
There’s no one to talk things out with or share things with. That’s why good counselling can be so important. If you find a counsellor whom you trust and is empathetic then it helps so much.

Take care. Blessings. John.

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Ah, John. I wondered where you were because I knew this could be a question right ‘up your street’. I’m simply looking for the right words to describe the agony of grief and that’s a contradiction in terms. There’s nothing simple about grief. If my sister in law, for instance, asked me what it’s like to lose a husband, how could I answer adequately with clarity? Would I say to her to try and imagine life without her husband (my brother) and however that made her feel to magnify it a billion times, a trillion times? But even that couldn’t work because she couldn’t imagine it. It’s difficult John but it has got some of us thinking more deeply. I am a deep thinker and logical, as you know. Thanks for your response :+1: xx

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Hi
My dad also died in a care home from dementia the year before my wife.
The longer grief goes on the more private it becomes everyone thinks you should be over it by now and you stop talking about it. I’m not sure it ever gets better you just get better dealing with it.

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My Dad is still going strong William but I lost my Mum 3 weeks before my Husband so I know what losing a parent is like.
You are correct that folk think you should be ‘over it’ only 5 months for me but I have noticed I am not getting asked how I am coping anymore it’s all about the lockdown as if people are glad of the distraction so they don’t need to mention the dead Husband issue anymore.

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It’s an emptiness a big space, a nothing where someone should be. An unreal feeling that they surly must come back.
Physical pain along with emotional pain. Being in a room full off people and not hearing any of them, you can see your pain in the mirror, but others don’t . An internal dialog looking for answers and talking to the one you’ve lost. Walking past chairs pillows clothes that are there’s and hugging kissing
Or smelling that possession just get a feeling or scent of them. Wanting the world to know they have gone. But not wanting to talk to anyone . Your home seems bigger the clock ticks louder. Your scared even though you have lost them your scared your going to lose them again. ( lost my husband 12 April 2020 :broken_heart:

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Hi. Kate. I was not trying to minimize the pain. no way. But the best answer yet to your question has come from a new arrival, ‘Sassanojoy’ below. All the things they mention and more. But everyone is seeing things from their own perspective. Their temperament, upbringing, biases and their positive or negative thoughts. I was looking at a picture of waves breaking on a shore. (Nothing better to do!!). Every single wave throughout eternity is gong to be different, never to be repeated. Our loved ones are gone, but their wave is unique. No one ever again will be like them.
All the replies have exhibited so much pain, but communicating that pain is so difficult. It was a good question Kate, and an interesting one.
Blessings and a hug. John.

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Grief? It’s terror, anxiety, fear, bleak never ending heartache and constant yearning for them. It’s final. It’s overwhelming if you let it.

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@ sassanojoy

Hello this is a beautiful open post about how you are feeling at this tough time. I wanted to reach out and welcome you and Thank you for sharing on behalf of Sue Ryder we are here to support in any way we can.

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Thank you :pray:t3:

Thank you Steph, sending love back to you and kind thoughtsl :heart: :heart:

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Today, it feels like huge waves of grief that come in again and again.

@ daffy123
This will pass and it is ok and healthy to let your feelings come and go and pass through you - but I understand also very hard.

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Thank you for your kind words.

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Feels like numb. Part of been taken
Why me. frustration. Anger. O so much crying.
Not thinking stright. Forgetting. You feel guilty if you go out and injoy yourself. You hear people laugh. You what to shout at them.
Time . it will get easier. But u never forget.

I don’t laugh anymore. Just don’t find anything funny since mum died and we used to laugh at life all the time. I’m now a complete numb miserable person and I don’t want to be.! But I just feel numb and blank. Nothing.

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Thank you, sassanojoy :heart: