I lost my husband 10 weeks ago, I constantly search for a feeling of my old normal. I have no interest in my future. I’m just treading water., having had my 24/7 filled with my husband needs for 6 plus years, I have no idea now what to do where to go or what I want. They tell me its grief, but it feels like my life ended with him
How to describe how I feel, where do I start. Worthless, useless and nothing. All these things and more. He was my everything, my purpose. I just constantly have this feeling of emptiness and hope. Hope that he will walk through the door and say surprise I’m here. This life is empty without him. I miss the laughter, the looking forward to doing things together. Planning things either for the house or going away. I pretend every day, go through the motions of living a life without him. It’s been 6 months and it’s my wedding anniversary next week, 13 years. I would have been planning what to get him. There will be no cards exchanged no looks of surprise on opening gifts to each other. I will light a candle instead. This is just so horrible x
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It is now 16 months and I have accepted that my lovely husband is not here ! I too know that I am now a different person and will never be the same . I was at my best with Terry, I smiled wider, laughed longer enjoyed life. Now it is just getting through the day which is especially difficult in these times. In lockdown with no one to share the difficulty with.
Take care all xx
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I’m so sorry for your loss Pauline. My darling husband passed away 12 weeks ago on Tuesday. My whole life revolved around him - his health, his various appointments, his medications. Not only have I lost my other half, I also feel like I’ve lost my whole reason for being! It’s SO hard. Everything feels totally surreal. It’s almost like our whole 26 years together was a dream and here I am back on my own again. I feel completely adrift. There is comfort in the messages on this site - I’ve certainly found so and I hope that you will too.
Hi @Jackie01, I noticed this was your first post, so I just wanted to say welcome to the site, but I’m so sorry that you find yourself needing to join. I read your profile and I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your son and that he was not found for so long. It sounds as though the uncertainty and the fact that the police made mistakes made things potentially even more traumatic.
When you feel ready, you may wish to start a new conversation in the Losing a Child category - you should then get some supportive replies from other bereaved parents. How to start a new conversation.
If there is anything I can help with or you have any questions about the site, you can contact me at online.community@sueryder.org.
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It was the first anniversary of Mark’s sudden and unexpected death last weekend. Someone was chatting on Facebook about how much they miss him, and somebody responded that ‘grief is love with nowhere to go’. I love that.
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Grief. Personally I can’t fully answer what it feels like. I can only explain thus far as it’s only been 3 months since my mum passed and 3 weeks since one of my brothers has passed. Then the change from normal for all of us with the coronavirus. I believe is holding back for people to move on and go through the motions of grief how they feel right. Remember there is no right or wrong way. Also my daughter is 9 weeks away from giving birth.
My experience of grief.
The day my mum passed I was with her. I was crying but trying to stay strong to tell her I loved her and it was ok for her to pass and be with her family and friends. Her last breath. I felt like I couldn’t breath. I sobbed. I kissed her. I stroked her hair. I then did the last rites, washing and dressing her. Leaving her felt as though I had the weight of the world pressing down on me. Each step was heavy, as if I was stuck in deep mud pulling with all my might to lift each leg. I cried most of that night and feel into a deep slumber.
The next few days I didn’t believe she had gone. To be honest I still dont think shes gone. Seeing her in the chapel of rest, I felt a thump in my heart. A few tears. And I kissed her and stroked her hair. I spoke to her telling her everything down to who would be coming to the funeral. And how much I missed her but happy she was no longer suffering and was now at peace.
I went to see her again in the chapel of rest the day before the funeral. Now I felt pain. Deep within me. I couldn’t pin point any particular area. But I hurt. I wanted a cuddle. I wanted to be told it was all going to be alright. Leaving her hurt so much as this would be the last time I would ever see her again. More sobbing.
Day of funeral as the coffin was brought in. My heart thumped again. I couldn’t breath. I did my reading without crying.
Then after everyone has gone. Silence. Loneliness. No one phones. Nobody asks how are you. I think this is the worst thing people can do. They should ask they should care. I wouldn’t be offended if I asked and was told I dont want to talk at the moment.
Most days I feel numb. In denial that she has gone. I believe when my body and mind is ready I will then be able to grieve. I spoke to my brother on his deathbed and told him mum is waiting for you. Dont be scared. He passed five minutes after my call.
During this pandemic I think a lot of us will struggle to grieve until it’s over.
I hope that helps. But remember there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
Janice
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I would describe it as a tsunami. It hits hard and leaves destruction behind.
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It feels like the worst thing that could ever happen to you . A heavy feeling in your chest . Jealous of people that still have their partners and I lost my husband 10 months ago . Been doing a lot of crying this week as I go back to playing golf knowing that my Les will never play with me again . Just still missing him so much
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I lost my dad nearly 2 years ago…
Im lost without him. Literally!! It’s like I’m on a rollercoaster, and can’t get off. Some days the pain in heart…it aches. I would give anything to have him back. Even though, towards the end he was in pain…it was so hard to see him that way. I’m being selfish now…but if I could have him back, lying in the bed at the hospice… settled, and give him a hug, I’d be happy. And for me…to make things worse, two weeks ago…his headstone was laid. It’s just bought me back to the day we lost him…
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I lost my mum 6months ago to cancer I lost my dad 12 years ago I’m 27 if I was to describe grief i wouldn’t have said a word different I still think there going to walk through the door i miss then so much especially my mum feels like my soul has died its a loneliness I have never felt before I feel so alone I have so many years to live without them so desperately sad god bless you all and sorry for all your loss x
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I’m so sorry. I do understand.
I lost my Mum nearly 7 months ago and I feel a physical pain in the heart most days. I love to have even just a few minutes with my Mum or Dad.
Take care,
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Awfull isnt it sending you a big hug and strength to get you through I do hope this pain gets easier x
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Thankyou Lorraine for your kind words , I’m very sorry for your loss too. Seems our situation were very similar. I had 25 years with my husband, but we had known each other for over 40 years. This last 3 months has been terrible, no purpose to the day or night come to that. But I’m sure you are well aware, of all those feelings. With all the lockdown because of covid 19, not seeing family or being able to go out, really hasn’t helped . I hope you are staying safe, and well. I I’m wishing for better days for all of us, who live with this dreadful condition called grief
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It’s a constant feeling of anxiety and ‘what ifs’ & ‘why’. Personally I find I’m asking lots of questions, more so now than when my husband died nearly 18 months ago. I guess it’s a void in our lives and we’re all in this place we never wanted to be in and I’m pretty sure never really thought we would be.
Love to you all in this situation, take care and keep safe x
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I lost hubby one year ago after being married for 25 years he was aged just 50 and I was 46. Describing grief I would say it’s like having your heart taken out and stamped on. The world around me changed in an instant! No one teaches us about loss it’s like a secret taboo that some people just don’t want to talk about. Lockdown has been so hard especially April which marked a year since I lost Pete and what should have been our 26th Wedding Anniversary. I will never be the same person.
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Heather your feelings and those of others describe how I am feeling all the time . We had only been retired a year when les died he was just 66 and it was the day after my 65th birthday . All our plans when we retired gone . You just exist day to day and feel that’s how it will always be . We knew each other from growing up as kids in the same village and married at 18 and 19 . I have two very supportive married daughters but am still feeling lonely even when I am with people . Grief hits you at anytime I can be driving my car and then just suddenly start crying or hear a record on the radio which reminds me of things from the past like Motown music from 70’s and 80’s and have to switch it off as I can’t bear to listen and then the tears start to flow . I don’t think I will ever stop grieving for him as I have never known a life without him . Take care all of you x
It’s everything others have said and to me it’s also like being a zombie. I’m alive but I’m not living. I go through the motions and to the outside world I look like I’m doing really well but inside, in my heart and soul I’m dead. It’s 10 months since I lost Dave but every day I wake knowing it’s another day I have to get through without him. Grief is the hardest emotional pain you will ever go through and it’s more painful than any physical pain you will ever know.
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Sending you a huge hug! I know they would be so proud of us pushing on. Anyone that hasn’t experienced this wont ever understand. I’m glad we have this group to share the way we feel as it’s so hard to talk about things with other people. Look after you x
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Hello Fifibella, I am truly sorry for your loss. Your words brought to mind a song by Gary Barlow. It’s very sad and I didn’t know whether to post it or not so I’ll just type the chorus:
I’m dying inside
Who knows what I’m thinking
What I’m trying to hide
Yeah, I’m dying all night
I’m breathing but I can’t feel life
I’m smiling but I’m dying inside
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