Dear Fifibella.
No you’re not selfish at all, it’s impossible to pour out our grief to our friends and family, if we told them what we are really going through they wouldn’t know what to do but at least on here we are free to be honest. My husband who passed a year ago with a very aggressive cancer over only about 8 weeks. Some days I feel fine and even happy and then out of the blue another wave of grief hits and knock me down all over again, how long will this go on for or will it never end. But like you I am glad it is me left behind, I couldn’t bear the thought of my beautiful husband being left on his own. However old you are or how long you had been together makes no difference, it hurts the same. I carry on doing normal things and when asked says I’m fine because how on earth can you explain to someone who has never been through this. My heart goes out to you.
This may seem a bit dismissive but it’s now four years and the emptiness inside is still there, and the lockdown we are in makes it so much more of a challenge . It’s like a double whammy, and you grieve for all those who are in the middle of an equally tragic loss.
It’s a living hell, the worse pain and heartache , you will ever experience, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone Higgs to all
My answer Kate is it’s like an open wound that never fully heals. Nothing you apply to it soothes it. There is temporary relief from the plaster we put on it but the plaster comes off and the raw wound is exposed. It’s a wounding of the soul that cannot be fixed. It’s only visible to those of us who bear the scar
LynT that is a very good description.
Grief to me is never feeling complete. Knowing that no matter how I laugh, cry, joke etc there is always a feeling that is not fulfilled. Even simple little things do not bear the same importance. It is knowing that nothing will Ever be the same again.
THe words void and emptiness still come to mind…no one thing or person can fill that.
Even after a year there is still emptiness . Can’t get used to facing the future without my husband by my side . House is so quiet and empty . We had just retired and I am still so angry that cancer took away our plans . He would want me to be strong and I am but it is like there is a weight over my heart 
Hiya,
The most horrible feeling you could possibly experience .
Could not put words to it.
Had no idea really how people were feeling when they lost a partner before I lost mine . Could never imagine how bad it has been . I will certainly know what to say to bereaved people now .
Losing the love of your life is a loneliness you could never have imagined.
It really is 
x
I’ve now lost my Dad too, bring made redundant at work due to COVID and then if that wasn’t enough my lovely little parrot that I have had around 38 years had to be put to sleep on Friday. I feel I like I’m just loosing too much x
Sorry to hear that Heather. Enough is enough!
So sorry Heather for your other losses. Love and thoughts. Xxx
This is a great question. I read it a month ago, and didn’t know how to answer. A few weeks ago, I still did not know how to answer.
Today I was walking back from the local Tesco Metro in the town centre, which is 5 minutes away from my home. Had a bottle of Lucozade in my hand. And as I walked, I noticed just how heavy a simple task as walking was. I am someone who was always very quick, always walking very fast, always on the move, and now, I am literally dragging my steps. The Lucozade is meant to give you energy, but there is no energy. So grief, I would describe it as something that just ends up draining the life out of you.
Dear Lonely, I am so sorry how the loss of your husband changed your life forever and things don’t have the same appeal as before, it is so tragic and I wish it didn’t have to be this way, but you should be incredibly proud of how well you have managed to do to carry on despite the loss of the love of your life, I love the picture of you and him together, just wish you could have had more time together.
Abdullah, in my opinion grief is the worst feeling ever yes it does drag you down. I fully understand, Sheila what you mean.
Completely agree Abdullah: I feel like I’ve aged 40 years! Everything is such an effort and I feel so listless.
Sorry to hear that, Lorraine. It’s so difficult, isn’t it? Yet here you are, still trying your best, and that’s all we can do.