Hi Crazy_Kate not heard that one so just looked up the lyrics, very apt. Dave and I were together for 35 years and we got married in ICU 8 days before he died. It was always me who said no to marriage, I loved him and didn’t need a piece of paper or ring. We had both been married before but I knew I loved him on our very first date and he always told people I had the “readybrek glow” around me the first moment he set eyes on me. However I knew he’d always wanted to marry me so I gave him one of his lifelong wishes before he died. His death was sudden and unexpected, he had a very rare cancer but we knew we still had time with that. As hard as living without him is I’m glad it’s me left behind and not him as he would never have coped because he idolised me. I never realised how much that idolisation meant to me until it was no longer there. When he got his cancer diagnosis we knew we would never be walking off into the sunset of our lives together but your still not prepared when it happens. He never got to retire, see our house extension completed, see our son settled and potentially marry and any grandchildren we could possibly have. I know there are people younger than me widowed but I feel 60 was just to young.
Sorry that post ended up longer than I intended. I feel selfish now as we are all going through our own personal grief.
Bless you Fifibella, you’re not selfish at all. Thank you for sharing a bit about your lovely husband. I’m so glad you married him in the end. My husband was 65 when he passed and had been retired for just over 2 months. He had many projects planned but, like your man, will never get to see them finished. I too was 60 when he passed. My husband is called David too. Apart from the cause of death, we have many similarities Fifibella.
With regards the song, it is apt but I struggle to listen it even 3 years down the line. It is so sad. Sending love and strength xx
Grief feels like someone is ripping my heart out everday. It so bad.
There’s a point where I feel that I’ve got to try to switch it off from grief for a while, as it so unhealthy. Of course, switching off is nearly impossible.
My 91 year old mum literally dropped dead in front of me. I got her out of bed and as quick as switching on a light she went. I desperately tried to wake her but it was no use. That was just 7 weeks ago. I have no family left and no friends. I have spent the last 8 years caring for my father then my mother. I am hurting from crying. I hate waking up because the overwhelming crying starts. Mum is in my mind constantly. I feel dead inside and nothing matters. I visit her grave daily and just wish I was in it. So I would describe grief as the most painful, desperate feeling I have ever encountered.
I agree with all the replies and my heart goes out to you all who are grieving. My beloved husband passed one year ago and my love grows deeper every day for him, I wasn’t expecting that. The grief still hit like a massive wave when I least expect it but it’s not as raw as it was. I feel really lonely even though I have many friends but it’s the one you live with who is the glue that keeps everything else together. I heard someone describe grief as it being ‘love with nowhere to go’. Grief isn’t something that we will ever get over but learn to live with.
Such a difficult question,only those of us who have experienced grief understand the intense pain of becoming half of what was a whole.
I like this quote from a book called ‘Levels of Life ‘ by Julian Barnes
“I wish you had met her,and so met more of me” “Grief reconfigures time,it’s length,it’s texture,it’s function,one day means no more than the next.Grief makes your stomach turn,snatches the breath from you,cuts off the blood supply to your brain “
It’s nearly two years now without my darling husband Roy,I miss him with every breath I take.
Love and peace to you all,Corinna xx
I know how you feel. My husband overcome so much but went within three days of being admitted to hospital. He had waited four years for lungs due to cystic fibrosis and we never got one call. A year later I still cannot believe he’s gone. No one can prepare us for grief and everyone deals with it differently. I am so sorry you lost your mum and am sending you a huge hug. xx
I know how hard it is I met Pete at 15 and we did everything together. I could never imagine life without him and will miss him forever. No children and both Petes parents have passed it’s beyond hard. Feel like I just have to put a brave face on every day xx
Hi @Sarah8, I noticed this was your first post, and I just wanted to say I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve lost so many members of your family. I see from your profile that you lost your parents and two siblings - that is such a lot of grief for one person to face. I hope that it helps even a tiny bit being part of this Online Community.
As well as replying to conversations started by others, when you feel ready, you may wish to start a new conversation yourself, to tell people a bit more about your experiences. You should then get some supportive replies.
Hi Pauline-56. It’s strange how many others seem to have such similar stories. Life just seems so surreal doesn’t it? It’s almost as though losing our loved ones has been so traumatic that it’s affected the whole world! Silly I know, but sometimes that’s how it feels. It’s been more than 3 months now since my Gary passed away and I still feel like I’m liviing in a parallel universe, not part of the real world somehow. I just can’t seem to get my head around the fact that he’s gone. I wonder how long this lasts. Maybe it’s worse because we’re unable to have the support from our loved ones that we would normally have, or maybe it’s just like this anyway. I don’t know. Sending you my best wishes Pauline-56 and to all those struggling through this storm.
Hi Lorraine
It is 11 months since I lost my husband and I am still feeling like you . Luckily when I joined this group I clicked with a lovely lady and we telephone each other every week without fail . She u sees tabs s me and I u sets tabs her . Nobody can understand the power of grief when losing a partner like someone who has gone through the same thing . Take care
Thank you Gillyb. The best analogy I’ve heard is that it’s like being on a small ship on a rough sea. You’re holding on for dear life - it’s a constant struggle but somehow, mostly, you’re managing. Then, out of nowhere a huge wave comes along and suddenly you’re overwhelmed. This can happen at any moment. In life, these huge waves can be stupid little minor something and nothings, silly little things but they make the constant struggle so suddenly much much worse. It’s impossible to explain to anyone who hasn’t had to go through it.
Just read my post again it should say she understands me and I understand her ! That analogy is so true . I never really thought grief could be this painful and all consuming . When I lost my dad then my mum that was bad but nothing compared to this . X
I lost my dad four and half years ago. You’re right - losing your other half is a whole different ball game! This is like being ripped in half and being left with a huge bleeding wound that never heals.
How I agree. I thought it was bad enough when Dad died suddenly still in his forties and years later mum. I thought that was grief. I thought I could handle it when I lost my husband but it totally rips you apart and I think of it as . When he went he took me with him and a shell of a person was left behind. Now I am having to rebuild that empty shell and it’s so very hard. Bit by bit I am putting myself together but from time to time bits keep dropping off.
Patti you have put so succinctly into words how I feel. It’s been 10 months since I lost my husband. Friends and relations have been really kind and supportive but until this happens to you then you just can’t comprehend the depths this grief goes too.
xx