I just learned yesterday, than the house i lived in with my husband will be for sale, can not afford to live here or buy the house, and not sure i want to do it either, having the pain of losing my partner, now i am so scared about where i will go, as i have no clue where i’m going, already places to live around me are really rare, just thinking about living the community than i call my home for the last 25 yrs, give me so much anxiety. I know when peoples said to me ‘everything will work out’ might be true, but now i really can not see the light at the end of the tunnel…dealing my grief is already hard, but dealing with the unknow is a little bit too much of what i can take…only good thing so far is having found that website.
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Hi Marylese that’s so sad my heart goes out to you yes grief alone is so incredibly hard I hope you have family to support you it’s a very lonely journey doing it alone you didn’t say how long since you lost your partner not that it matters it’s your grief sadly never goes away life can be so so crule I do hope you have support well we’re all here for you in our club we never chose to join and wished we didn’t know it even existed but thank god it’s here as we’re in the Same club together it’s 17 months since my husband died I still can’t take it in I can’t find a purpose without him iam here for you I will as all others in our club be always on hand to offer comfort love compassion big hugs✨
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@Rosebush21 ,it has been only 4 months, still so raw and unreal…I’m just so drained and tired, can not even go to work. I feel worse now, than 4 months ago. People around me are trying to cheers me up, and telling me everything will be all right, might be true, but now i can not or don’t want to see it. Going thru Tim’s stuff and mine, and try to decide what i want and need to take with me, is taking all the energy i have.
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Maryes it’s far to raw you don’t need cheering up you need to be heard and allowed to express yourself I can’t imagine how dreadful this is on you after just 4 month it’s not surprising your exhausted you’d be exhausted without all the house and trying to sort your stuff out I wish I could be near to you just to offer a friendly silence maybe you could talk to family let them know just there presence is enough as nothing can cheer you up my heart is with you try to eat and if that’s a struggle snack bits for your worst days big hugs
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@Rosebush21 I know it’s too raw, but i don’t have a choice to keep moving, every step hurt like hell. I got to be out of the house i shared with Tim for the last 25 years, not my choice. I’m so lost and scared of the unknown right now, Everyone is staying away from me, they don’t really want to know how i feel…they all know i’m broken, so it’s easier to stay away…i understand, i was like that before…easier to stay away than dealing with other pain and help me packing. I just hope, i’ll get on the other side of that horrible tunnel or just see the light one day to give me some motivation. I’m not suicidal, but i do understand why people are, just easier.
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Maryse I do get what your saying you don’t have a choice sometimes we just need to stay on autopilot until we’ve sorted everything out best way we can and not having friends family to understand or at least be there for you ,the loneliness is so incredibly hard ,my family are kind well most of them but still they really only want to talk when I say iam doing great which of course is totally untrue ,this pain lives on with us no matter how long it’s been I truly hope you keep fighting back and tackling the things you shouldn’t have too ,yes it’s going to be incredibly hard leaving your home you shared with Tim but take as much as you feel you need and above all Tim will also move with you here I am saying all the things that I just wouldn’t want said to me it’s almost like we have to retrain our brains living a life with our loved one yet knowing there not there to sit chat laugh joke but there love will be forever in your heart grief don’t go away we learn to live with our pain we carry it day by day iv had so much grief in my life far to much and m6 husband now not here too I wonder every day what’s around the next corner,I will be thinking on you with all youv got to do and ask you keep enough strength to get through this move you most certainly shouldn’t have to be making heartfelt hugs from one broken heart to another 
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Thanks, this is helping a little that someone in the world understand. I tried to find a group like this near me, can’t find one. I can’t blame the only few friends i have to stay away, as they tried to cheer me up, but i just tell them i don’t want to do anything, i’m just so tired, enough that my body shot down last week, could not even get out of bed…kind of scary. I never been a person who fake it, people around me, know that if they ask me how i am, i will tell HOW I AM, and nobody wants to hear, they don’t want to feel guilty or something…I get it. Now, i want to stay home for my last month in the house, saying good bye on my own way. I try to encourage myself thinking moving somewhere else, might be good for me, not surrounding by memories and souvenirs every corner of the house, but scared the hell out of me, never like change , this is the biggest change i’ll go thru in my life.
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Bless you Mayes it’s going to be incredibly hard try to make your new place similar even in colours .change after grief and going through grief is so overwhelming it’s 18 month now since my hubby died and still I wake and cry I call out for him we’d been through so much together firstly the loss of our child completely destroyed me I still don’t know how I survived but here I am we have others to survive for and somehow also for ourselves if we admit it or not we do it’s human nature ,the loneliness for me is also incredibly hard my door barley knocks phone hardly rings people avoid me like it’s catching it’s so sad I couldn’t do this to anyone even when they don’t know what to say just been there would help.your trying to deal with the most stressful life event and at same time taking on second most stressful be kind to yourself maybe talk to your dr if youv got a good relationship with him/her they just might be able to offer you some support,I still watch the time tick away each day waiting for nighttime knowing iv done another day and who knows what tomorrow will bring ,grief is like been stuck at the bottom of a deep black hole you try to get out but just to slip straight back down it’s like a cloud of darkness covering your sight no light then maybe a twinkle of light but short lived for me in any case I will be keeping you close in my thoughts pkease stay in touch I specially once youv moved youl need all the support you can get big hugs
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I don’t know why but tonight i can ‘t stop crying and i can’t see any positive around me, i don’t know, where to go, i have no ‘real’ friends close to me, nobody is offering to help me, I am all alone with all these problems . I used to be such a strong woman, but i’m so broken right now, can’t even think straight, nothing is appealing to me, can’t find any hope. I wished the whole process of Tim dying, moving out of my HOME with Tim, packing, etc… will have happen all at once, instead of little by little, everything i gave something away i just cry, i got to get rid of 30 yrs of my life with the love of my life, as i don’t even have a place to put stuff anymore…I’'m so lost and heart broken
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Maryse I understand what your saying it’s so so very raw and having to up sticks and move as well on top of trying to grieve for Tim ,try to remember you will be taking Tim with you .maybe try to take as much as possibly of yours and Tim’s with you your dealings with the most stressful life event (grief of someone so close) And also taking on life’s second most stressful event moving house.it’s no wonder your feeling this bad .well without the move you’d be feeling all theses feelings too it’s grief we can’t fight it or take a pill we have to live with it .it’s almost like a terminal illness it’s with you for life ,sorry I don’t seem to be helping you giving you positivity it’s hard when I can’t see any for myself it’s 18 month now since my husband died to this day I can’t stop thinking on him well I don’t want to stop but the pain it feels like it’s killing me ,I cry myself to sleep more often than not iv no future just a life full of pain sorrow and loneliness it’s so surreal I feel like i am loosing my mind at times if anyone asks how I am I say fine they don’t really want to listen to me in self pity it’s so sad as I want them to sit with me if only to hold my hand no words needed just love kindness and compassion try not be hard on yourself is Tim’s parents still there for you I know there suffering too but they may gain comfort from your love you have for there son.after all you too had 25 years of love together please try and care for your physical health it’s not easy I now but sometimes we have to I still can’t cook snack on rubbish on most depressed days and many of them I hope you come on here when things get to tough at least you know your understood on here big hugs and love from a broken heart to another broken heart
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I completely understand that feeling off numbness my husband died 14 weeks ago and I feel absolutely lost just beginning off a long journey not knowing what is to come take each day has it comes
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Hello cancer iam so saddened for you 14 weeks is no time at all your going to have so many mixed up feelings numbness is something I’d often wait for it’s when reality hasn’t completely sunk in .it’s nearly 19 months since I lost my beautiful husband and yes every day it hurts so badly I still call out his name chat to him like he’s right here in the room with me ,iam feeling so incredibly lonely lost somedays like a fog a distant memory I ask myself how will I ever learn to live a life without my hubby a life alone grief hits at almost any time we’ll it’s constantly there but at times it becomes unbearable I guess we just learn a new way of life not through choice that hurts so much iv got a home full of wonderful memories almost a different one every day ,somedays I gain comfort sometimes I feel like iam loosing my mind ,it’s grief the word lots shy away from that makes it all the more unbearable to deal with I mention hubbys name I hear a silence like oh here we go again well I wouldn’t wish this unimaginable pain on anyone I hope you try to take care of your physical health sleeping eating bit of exercise but all in your own time there’s no expire date on grief it’s an emotion just go with how your feeling I still spend days just under my duvet not wanting to face the world it’s good to have this club although none of us want to be part of it ,I am sending you hugs and inner strength one day at a time 
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Hi Maryse have you made the move yet I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you simply unimaginable but sometimes we just don’t have choices like you didn’t I do hope that you’re doing best you can try to be kind to yourself one day at a time big hugs
Thanks for asking. In a way i am lucky as we had a trailer in a campground, so i moved everything i needed to keep and want, so i will be living in a camproung til next october, which hopefully by then things will be a little smoother and not as hard they are now. Everytimes i cried, i always wonder now if i’m crying because i am so sad, or so scared or so mad… At lease in my trailer, which was Tim favorite place on earth, even if we step on each foot every day, IT IS mine, nobody can not take it away from me like my HOME…just need to figure it out for the winter.
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Maryse you sound like your doing your very best I hope your gaining support from Tim’s family and friends yes Tim will be forever with you it’s 19 months now for me it still feels surreal i understand when you say your not certain what your crying about I’d say all emotions mixed up into one I cry for my hubby I cry from loneliness no future frightened of facing a life alone growing old alone I cry for my hubby he’s everything to me and always will be be kind to yourself when you can and cry when you need no time limit grief can make you feel alone lost frightened scared confused and endless of feelings that you can begin to feel your loosing your mind hugs from this to your
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No support from anybody…they all have move on! Just like that, they missed him, but 30 seconds later they’re ok…not us! If someone did not go thru this…they don’t know how we feel. Just losing a loved one is hard, loosing my home, my friends, the town where i lived for over 30 yrs, make it really worse. Someday i feel stronger, but it never last really long, by mid day i found myself crying somewhere for anyting. The whole thing sucks so much, we know that dying is part of life, but i never thought it would happen to me, I’m just 55 yrs old. Honestly, i still can not believe that he’s gone. Thanks for reading me.
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Maryse I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like for you as you say loosing your partner is bad enough without your home family friends as well iam been completely honest I really can’t comprehend the pain suffering your going through and only 55 yes it sucks I hope one day youl find inner strength to find a path in life that you can take with your grief by your side I will-think on you sending you hugs 
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Everytimes i come to this website, i cry my eyes out, all the stories are so sad and painful, but i’m so glad i found this site, a place that we can really express how we feel, as nobody else wants to hear. You seem to live so far away from me, but in same time so close. I just want to grieve the lost of my life, but i got so much others stuff on my plate, now i’m fighting with the executor than Tim chose about everything…it 's tiring and expensive. My home was put on the market today,another thing i have to grieve about…
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Maryse
That’s so sad yes I cry most times I come on here but deep down inside my heart I can’t help but feel your pain .like you say you’ve lost so so much.but Tim is there in your heart all the time,and now fighting the executor and as you say so expensive ,seeing your home you shared together now with a for sale board unimaginable all there things are stopping you grief properly in your own personal way. Yes so far apart but I feel a connection an understanding of what life must be like right now for you.I feel so alone in my grief lost lonely but iv got our home we shared a lifetime together memories in every room I can’t imagine what I’d feel if I had to walk away from here. well it doesn’t bear thinking about .you will find inner strength maybe strength you never imagined having .it’s not going to be easy and it’s one day at a time baby steps but somehow you will come through this just because we do .and yes it’s good to have this club somewhere your never judged but understood I always say it’s like climbing Mount Everest but harder and every 3 feet we climb up somedays we slip back 2 that’s when we need to rest reflect and then keep moving again .this may come across as I know all the answers but no I don’t have any answers just sadly grief experience and an understanding there’s no emotion it doesn’t touch we must feel and recognise them all I was gardening earlier it doesn’t have the same meaning but it is ours and I must keep it as nice as I can just no joy ‘just numbness ‘ sometimes feeling numb can be easier to deal with but it’s a strange feeling like I feel disconnected from the world and everything around me ,or I am a reck crying on our sofa stay on here when in need my heart truly feels for you
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I just finish to put all my picture in my travel trailer (not too many wall) but they all fit. Makes me happy to be able to see him everyday and night. No turning back, i’m out of the house, cry all the drive (90 minutes) i just grabbed what i need and want, his family can deal with the rest, i don’t have time or desire to get rid of what is left in the house. I’m going to TRY to be more optimist about the future, i’m saying this crying my eyes out again…but that is what Tim would like me to do and he would say it will work out at the end, even if i’m not at the stage to see a light at the end of that horrible tunnel. Just can’t wait for the whole process of succession is over, so i might have some money to buy a little place wherever i’ll end up, don’t know in which country you live, but here in canada is expensive everywhere. I will make sure that my next place is mine, i will never be in a position of being homeless. Hopefully my new intentions will last more than 1 hour this time. Someone ask me how i am, and usually i don’t answer or just say HOW do you think i am? but tonight i just answer NUMB…this is the best feeling i can describe, just numb, like a switch on/off in my back. Some kind of positive, i’m living one day at the time now, instead of an hour at the end…slowly but surely I’ll learn to live with that empty feeling in my whole body. Thank you for being so nice to me. 
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