Maryse please don’t thank me your positiveness is a strength coming from Tim his heart is and always will be with you ,I truly mean this your an an incredibly brave lady .well I guess no choice but the way your handling moving out of your home you shared with Tim .I hope your gaining a little strength from Tim’s family and yours ,numb is a feeling I often long for when the pain becomes unbearable.you will learn to live along side your grief yes nothings cheap no matter where you live I hope you manage to find a place of your own Tim will be so proud of the way your dealing with stuff you shouldn’t need to be thinking about.we never know what life’s going to throw at us but somehow we always find inner strength to carry on .as you say it’s a long road and you’ll have many bumps along the way hurdles to cross but you’ll do it I hope you have a friend you can count on to be there for you .your a very courageous person believe in yourself and try to gain peace and love that Tim is walking your path with you always was with you and always will ,here’s me sounding ms positive if only I could practice all I say well who ‘now’s one day maybe I will but be kind to yourself love and hugs 
Easier to say how positive we’ll be, but in practice…not always the case. All we can all do, is one day at the time. I’m starting my summer job tomorrow, so i’m a little excited about it, will keep me busy til October. Summer time is coming (however right now, it 's snowing AGAIN) and lots of people live full time in my campground, so I should be ok for a few months and take the time for myself.
Maryse I do understand saying been positive is easy to say but there’ll be times when you just can’t and times when you can .yes summertime beginning here too been warm day I was gardening then heard our local ice cream van stops right near us I just cried and cried hubby would have ran out returning with two biggest ice creams and chocolate flake I felt broken all over again so it comes and goes if only for short times then when the grief hits like it did me today allow yourself to be however you feel.so pleased you’ve got a new job hope you enjoy it and it’s a good distraction hope your snow don’t stick around and good youv others around you
This is our NEW way of life, I had an appointment and the lady asked me how was my partner…here we go again, tears for an hour…someday i have the feeling i will have to go back an hour at the time…Like i said before many times, thank god for this website, this is the place where people understand exaclty how we feel. I saw someone saying, we are not here by choice, but this is the best place for us…make me cry every times, but crying is good i’ve been told. Enjoy your garden, i’m sure your husband is looking for it.
Thank you Maryse yes I’ll try enjoy garden I do sort of like it but the changing seasons can bring many different emotions as i’am sure you know.this is not a place of choice but good we’ve got it never judged for how we feel or for how long ,it’s a place where we can let go of everything each morning I wake either churning stomach feeling numb empty crying it’s incredibly hard to make that first step getting out of bed somedays I wonder what for I dream of hubby so much it’s lovely but then I wake reality hits it’s hard but I’d still prefer having the dreams the loneliness of grief can be so isolation you put a brave smile on well when you can sometimes I just can’t do anything but cry then I hear what would your husband say about this I feel like screaming out he’s loving kind caring he’d hug me I hope your jobs going well for you
So far i experienced only 2 seasons, and both brought me all kind of memories and more tears. I had never dream of Tim yet…i prayed, asked, begged, but nothing so far, but I don’t think i dream, never really remember of dreaming. I beleive that one day it will come when is the right time. So excited to go to work, i could not sleep lol…this is something i do for job for the last 20 yrs, working outside in a national park, instead of being inside working in an office, with great co worker, i know it will be good mentally ,not physically, as i’m pretty out of shape, did not do much the last 6 months, april 28 will be 6 months and still as raw and unreal than before…Have a great day my friend.
Maryse so good working outside with nature yes so good on your mental health iam so pleased your at least happy to be back working itl be good for you ,I’d say try not to think on dreaming itl come naturally or maybe won’t all my dreams of hubby are so real ,my mental health really has took a bashing over past few years it’s lonely I feel like part of me is missing ,the part that was fun laughing chatting it’s gone grief is unimaginable but don’t allow it to define who you are deep down we’re still that same person we’ve just got to find ourselves again somedays good sometimes bad sometimes 4 steps forward only to get a knock back then 6 steps back it’s an emotional rollercoaster we just need to hang on in there and one day somehow we’ll find ourselves walking alongside our grief sadly our pain lives on as we do there’s no getting away from that but it’s how we finally rebuild our life’s it takes courage strength and the ability to be kind to ourselves enjoy your job I am so very pleased for you two broken hearts so far yet so close to you big hugs
First day at work today, and for no specific reason, i must have cry about 5 times today, just tears rolling down my face and i could not stop, maybe i had to tell all my coworker my situation, when i came back at my trailer i just cry for 20 minutes…hopefully i’m done for the evening. Yesterday i was so optimistic and today, back to square one
Sadly that’s what grief is but you stuck it out don’t try fighting away tears there the body’s way of dealing and like you say for today you’ve done .I find crying lots wears me out emotionally then I can rest iv spent most of today crying thinking iv nobody who understands feeling so alone at that point I can’t see a way forward I begin feeling I am doomed for bad things to happen to me. the pain can become unbearable unimaginable I feel there’s nothing that can make me feel any better then other times I have times when I am not happy nor sad just natural which is bit strange so many mixed up emotions all wrapped into one so pleased you done your first day at work it’s a tough road but we’ve got here to come to hope snows gone now for you we’ve had nice few days now raining cold again typical uk
You’re not alone, we all feel the same, except we are just so far away, but i understand, as I wish i could have coffee and an hug from you many times during the day. Even if i’m surrender of friends and nice people at the campground, i still feel SO LONELY all the time, just an emptiness inside of me hard to explain. Reach out anytime, some people keep asking me what they can do, but there is nothing they can do for me. Have a better day today!
Maryse thank you yes I wish we could have a coffee together so close yet so far
Todays been awful I just cry and cry nobody to turn to nobody who understands me
My hubby will be so saddened to see how I live now since he left this earth there was nothing he wouldn’t do for me .I can honestly say iv never felt this alone in my whole life and the sadness is I know that’s not going to change my life now is on of existence not living iv forgotten how to laugh it’s just so so sad grief can make you feel all sorts of strange feelings frightening like your loosing your mind then on the odd occasions I see anybody I put my mask on pretending iam ok not always easy but if I don’t maybe nobody’s going to want to bother calling me
So sorry you feel this way, i feel sorry for all of us. Crying and wanted to be alone, is one of my daily wish now. I’m not someone who can fake it, my friends know that, must be why they talked about everything else than how i feel. I’d rather to be alone, than be with happy people right now. Can’t stand small talk either. Again, if they didn’t experience was grieve is, they won’t understand, as i was one of them. Could not understand why after 6 mts, 1 year, 5 yrs, etc…they were still crying about theirs love one, unfortunately, now i understand exactly how they feel… I wish you all my heart, that tomorrow you’ll have a better day.
That’s true I can’t fake it most of time I end up either just tearful if an emotional wreck I feel judged for how I am yesterday was incredibly hard no particular reason just needing hubby here I ended up calling a service that offers emotional support to anyone grieving normally everyone I’d so gentle kind and supportive but unfortunately there’s a chap his voice comes across cold hearted followed by what I’d say is judgemental once I said hi i’am really struggling today reply back was why don’t you talk to your counsellor on this asking how he knew I went counselling he said you’ve called us before I felt a burden now don’t want to use that service again I managed sleep 5 hours woke up crying again I am like you don’t want to be round happy people the people I’d thought would alway be there are not that hurts I hurt I hope you continue to enjoy your job and have self care something I struggle with it’s good for your mental health many hugs
So sorry…when it rains it pours they say…I wish i could find the good words, but i know i will never be able to find them or give advice, as we are on a roller coaster of emotions. Like you told me many times, be really kind to yourself, just let your emotions get out and what i do, i just go back 1 hour at the time to get me thru the day. Sending you a big hug
Very kind words maryess todays been no better but just pushing myself to get something to eat yes we don’t have answers nor can give solutions other than be heard on here and know we all have a compassionate understanding for each other yes going back an hour sound a positive way of dealing take good care the best way possible for yourself
Im nearly 6 months in and have hit a slump. I have no energy for anything and just want to hide away at home
Unfortunately it is the way it works in that roller coaster. Me too, 6 months, and i feel like it was yesterday. An hour at the time, it 's the best we can do at this point.
Hi Jane 6 months it’s so raw expect to feel the way you do it’s 19months since my hubby died and still so surreal grief is one’s personal journey nobody but the person grieving knows how they feel ,but on here we all have an understanding for each other and feel heard by others going through the same at times I feel completely out of control fear the unknown of what this life will bring my way then other times I just go through a day feeling almost nothing at all just going through the motions of living our garden I once loved so much seems meaningless now I started a clean up in it from the winter then just sit and gaze with the passion satisfaction of seeing it nice has been taken from me too ,just one day at a time baby steps I hope you’ve got family and friends that offer you support just someone who turns up with a meal dish so you don’t have to worry about cooking that alone is a sign of kindness and an understanding for you sadly I never got that not once even when I was completely burnt out big hugs:broken_heart:
Maryse yes it’s so awful I remember the days I loved those rollercoaster rides but alway glad when they stopped now iam on one that never stops just goes at different speed all the way up just to slip back down there never seems to be a stop to get of sometimes it eases slightly but not for long ,at the minute I don’t feel I can face any upsets even tiniest thing knocks me sideways but no way out I have to face this unimaginable pain and face it alone sadly try to take good care of yourself
the last 2 days were awful, again no specific reason, started to work, i’m surrounder by friends, living in a campground, etc…but i never felt so lonely, maybe it 's because all Tim’s friends are here and they all moved on. I know the word keeps turning, but not for me. Not really sure how i can do it knowing i have that huge hole in my heart, body and mind, nothing make sense. I tried to sit and have a drink with people, can’t stand small talk anymore, just wanted to scream, the whole thing seemed so fake. Maybe coming back where we used to be so happy was a huge mistake.