A place where anyone who has lost their mother or father, or a step-parent or guardian, can share experiences and support each other.
The death of your mother or father, or the person you see as your mum or dad, can be an incredibly painful experience. You might find that you go through a range of emotions, including shock, regret, or anger, and that these feelings change over time.
It can be difficult to come to terms with this loss in your life, but the community is here for you.
You may also find these Sue Ryder resources helpful as you cope with the death of your parent, or a parental figure in your life.
If you are looking for in-person support too, Sue Ryder have just launched our Grief Kind Spaces.
Our Grief Kind Spaces are weekly, in-person drop-in sessions held in the local community and run by trained volunteers. The sessions provide a safe, informal and supportive place for people to come together and share their experiences of grief, helping attendees to feel heard and less alone.
If you’re not in an area with a Grief Kind space, or are looking for a different kind of support, you may wish to visit the AtALoss website. It is a directory of bereavement support and will show you what is available in your area. If you click this link then select your region, you may be able to find something near you.
I have lost my Mum and Dad too. No one really understands as alot of people I know have their parents. To be honest alot of my friends have both of their parents and some even grandparents. Feel so lost and broken just like you.
Totally in your zone here. Lost my dad in 2009 and my younger brother 5 years ago, then my mum in july this year, then a very close family friend in october. Have lost other family members and close friends along the way too, most of them were young - mum was only 68, dad 57, brother 44, friend 50.
It has affected my anxiety and stress levels more than ever and i worry and start catastophising when i dont hear from people etc. I am trying mindfulness, yoga and concious breathing techniques, which are really helping me to just put one foot infront of the other. I do get overwhelmed easily now, particularly when i go to do anything related to mum - eg sorting through her belongings. I see that theres so much of it and i cant cope.
Well done on trying different techniques to help get you through.
I am also trying to sort out my late father’s and Mother’s belongings and feel very overwhelmed. To the point where I have been living with boxes all around my home for atleast 6months. I can’t face sorting them. Feel like I live in a horders house you see on the tv. Its so hard but with Christmas coming and people visiting I need to step up and sort it out. So overwhelmed. I also feel like I can’t cope. Its too much at once
I am echoing your thoughts and feelings right now. You are entitled to have these emotions and dint let anyone make you try to rush through things. Im trying to take one box at a time and go through it, it takes time. If you cant get it done by christmas, can you store them somewhere where it can be accessed, but out of sight of visitors?
I would really recommend trying some concious breathing techniques to help you calm yourself as things start to overwhelm you.
Hi all
I am new
Unfortunately I lost my amazing mum 2 days before Christmas. She had cancer. She only had the diagnosis 3 months before she died. It was fast. Too fast. She was 57!
It’s completely shattered my heart
My children are devastated.
So not only coping with my grief but theirs also. I try not to cry too much around them but also feel it’s important they see it’s normal to feel how they do and it’s ok to cry. We talk about mum a lot
Christmas Day was super hard. All her presents were wrapped under the tree. What do people do in that situation? Donate the gifts? Open them? Take them back?
I decided to take them into the funeral home and open them with her there. I spent over an hour with her
I cried I laughed at silly things with her just laying there so peacefully
I talked to her and opened her gifts kinda showing her what she had.
I left them with her in there and said the things that could go in with her should and those that couldn’t they should donate as I wanted to leave it as if I’d given her her gifts.
It felt right
It made sense to me at the time anyway.
I miss her so much. We’d talk multiple times a day every day
Now, it just feels empty
I see stuff and think img I have to tell mum that, and then remember
It’s only been 3 weeks.
I keep getting told it never goes away, but you learn to live with it
This group is helpful
I’ve read lots of stories like mine
I really appreciate the kindness I’ve been shown so far.
I love my mum and will always love her
Il miss her for the rest of my life
How do you just go on without such an important part of you? It’s painful
All just feels so cruel.
My kids keep me going god bless them and (most) my family are incredibly supportive
But that empty space will never be filled. She was one of a kind. I am forever greatful I had her as my mum
I am so sorry for your loss.
I’ve been clearing my mums place too. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done!
It’s like their entire life is being put into bags and taken away.
But, in almost there with it now.
I’ve obviously kept a lot
But I donated a lot in her name
Made sure was all clean and good condition
I knwi she’d if wanted it that way.
I found I was talking to her as I sorted thru bits. Like oh mum what where you thinking when you got this
Or oh mum I remeber you wearing this too to such n such.
That kinda helped
I cried a lot
Laughed a bit thru my tears
And if the neighbours could of seen me I’d of looked like a mad woman sat crying talking to myself
But we deal with it how we can.
You take your time
It just needs to be done as you can do it
Start with the sentimental important things
I’ve got a few of her clothes I’m turning into teddies for my kids
And some other bits I remeber from a child.
I don’t know if it helps but I cleared her lounge, made space in there and did charity
Bin keep and sell in each corner
I’ve added to those and got it almost there in my own time
But it’s never gonna be an easy task is it.
You have to just do what you can and don’t over stimulate yourself.
You’ve obviously had a lot of losses all at once as well
I am so sorry
But also, well done for trying to get support with meditation etc
It’s amazing that you have done that.
You sound like you have done really well every small step counts.
Keep going
I see you,I hear you and I feel your pain I to lost my mom to cancer. It’s been a hard long journey so far as we are not given a choice we have to go through greif Like buffalo. I talk to my mom daily still I tell her all the things that we would have talked about. Its wonderful that you have children to keep you going and yes it’s ok to cry with them show them it’s hard but you have each other and family to share her memories with. Firsts are the hardest christmas, birthday’s mother’s day there’s no getting away from them (Buffalo’s ) just take it in your own time everybody is different and we all do things differently. There is no wrong or right way just a lesson we must learn and teach to our children as one day they to will have to endureI think if we show them how hard and painful it is and that we never forget our loved ones it might teach them to be kind to themselves. Sending much love
I lost my dad on 28th December 2023. I’m still in shock and can’t believe he’s not here anymore. He was not only my dad but also my best friend. I miss him so much.
I’m so sorry for your loss too.
Griefs a funny thing
Comes in waves of anger sadness frustration depression then does the rounds again. But, it’s something we have to navigate slowly and befriend.
I am dreading Mother’s Day next Sunday, my first one without mum. But I know my kids will want to make a little fuss.
I’ve decided to start a new tradition where I buy myself a new candle each mother’s day and light it for mum. Make a little point of fussing her too.
May make it a bit easier ? May not
But it will make me feel I’ve done something for her.
That’s all we can really do is keep them alive in small ways. They’re always around us (atleast that’s what I believe) and we just need to learn their new language - feathers, rainbows, robins signs they’re ok and by our side.
Xx
Hi
I lost my mum 13 years ago but it feels like yesterday she was a kind generous lady. She was severely brain damaged in 2006 whilst helping me to load my daughters horse it was horrific and I know that my father would blame me totally and he did! He went round telling everybody that it should have been me in the hospital bed brain damaged and not my mum. I already felt like that anyway that it was my fault but he made my life hell he didn’t tell ME that he blamed me just everybody else. So I do blame myself totally. To live with that guilt over 16 years is unbearable and it’s now hitting me that I must get help.
I too will light a candle for my mum on Mother’s Day. It would have been her 84th birthday this Sunday so I am dreading it it’s so hard. I can’t go to her grave and lay flowers as he’s buried with her and he hurt me all my life.
Oh you poor poor thing.
Loosing your mum was hard enough.
You lived your mum and wound NEVER being her harm!! What happened wouldn’t have been your fault. You would never have intentionally put her at risk. She was a grown up who made a decision for herself to be there with you.
It sucks what happened but it wasn’t your fault.
Your dad maybe needed someone to blame and that was very cruel to let that be you! Very cruel indeed.
I am so glad you’re looking to get help. You have to know that you’re not to blame at all! Not in any way. What ifs and if onlys, they don’t change anything.
Just know in your heart you didn’t do this to her it was something that happened that was out of your control x
I am so sorry you had all this on your shoulders for such a long time. Xx
Margatitta
Thank you for your kind words. My father was a very controlling self centred man I’m afraid. He knew exactly what he w was doing I took the blame for everything that went wrong right back to a little girl so I was ready for it after my mums accident as she lay there on the concrete I knew she was seriously injured she suffered a major bleed on the brain. She only lived 4 years after that accident but I continued to support and look after my father got him safely in a home and sat with him until he took his last breath. He’s had a hold over me all my life he did something very wrong when I was just a small girl so it’s not that easy to stop blaming myself. All you’ve said is what everyone says to me but I have complex things going on. I’m waiting for a call from my dr she’s lovely I need help fast.
Thank you again for your kind words very much appreciated
Annie xxx
xxx
for my mum on Mother’s Day. It would have been her 84th birthday this Sunday so I am dreading it it’s so hard. I can’t go to her grave and lay flowers as he’s buried with her and he hurt me all my life.