Hi debbie and gary.
Like you I’m struggling at the moment I lost my husband Gerry in January he was my world we were married for 53 years. I joined a bereavement group because there was nothing else for me. It was my 1st week last Friday, I was so nervous, but I’m going to try again to see how it goes. I’ve totally lost my confidence, it’s so hard. Love to you both
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Hi Anne , so sorry for you as I know how hard it is, keep with the group I have found I mix better with some people in the group than others as I am sure you will find , it’s an outlet for me and I find it helps as I tell them feelings and things I couldn’t tell my family , I also write my feeling down and find this helps xx
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I had a breakdown in work been off twelve weeks going back in next week dreading it the only thing keeping me going is my daughter & grandson.
My daughter says she wants her dad back maybe going back to work will help who knows but things don’t get easier and l am told you must think of the good times which to me are my nightmares as l cannot control the tears, l just hate life at the moment thinking of you all good luck with your grief as l haven’t found any thing good to look forward since sandies had past in November last year
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Hi Debbie,
Yes I think your right, cant judge just after one visit. Hope my nerves are a bit better this week, will let you know how I get on and to let others in the group now if it helps . We all need help.
Good luck to you Lotr for next week. Let us know how you get on too. Big hugs to all xx
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Thx Anne x
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I agree with you about thinking of the good times. That is what makes me have a bad time. When I look at photos of when we were a bit younger we looked so happy, and I should have not taken our happiness for granted. I just thought it would never end. How naive we were. It just makes me weep to think of all our plans and dreams.
I can’t bear the pain anymore. Just been out for a meal with my daughter and two grandsons. Lovely evening until it’s over. Then back to normal, tears and desperation wondering what tomorrow will bring. I can’t stand the thought of another sleepless night and another pointless day tomorrow. Can someone please tell me when it gets better. I hate this existence.
Take care everyone
Gary x
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Life sucks Nenny l know one thing & that is l am not afraid of death & if there is life after death so be it but without a whisper a Word or a feeling of someone there l do no believe it exists even though my heart scream out for my wife Sandy just to let me know she’s ok.
As l have said over the weeks everything l have everything we built means nothing but l live for our daughter & grandson & spoil them every single week until l cannot do so anymore at least this way l can see there smiles of love & affection now as once you are gone life is blank.
I am so sorry guys as l know you must all want to believe & feel different to how l feel but l can only give you my true feelings & will not pretend or lie, if there is a god then may he bless you all as for me he can go to hell 
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I know it is very difficult Gary. Try to think what a lovely time you have had with your daughter and Grandsons. I am trying to live each day as it comes and not to think of the past or the future.
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Gary l have no words m8 that can make you feel any better other than l am going through the same , l went out for Sunday lunch with my daughter her husband & my 5 year old grandson bless them they tried there hardest to make me feel that things would get better but l cannot see an end to life without my soul m8.
Hang in there like you l cannot sleep l started popping pills but there to tempting to take one to many so my daughter took them away hopefully after having along time off & back to work Monday things may change but for now live one day at a time tiny steps & don’t look too far ahead & try not to look back as that’s what l find is becoming my worse nightmares as we were so happy & l just want to go back & make all this hurt stop
Take care thinking of you
Tony x
Hi Carole
I wish I could live one day at a time but I am really struggling. I keep hoping I will be better when I wake up but most days I seem worse.
The tears started again writing this.
I never thought this sort of pain existed.
People keep saying be kind to yourself. I find that impossible. I seem to be punishing myself.
I’ve booked in with a physiotherapist next week. I am praying she can help me.
Take care
Gary x
I feel the same as you about life after death Lotr. I cant see as there is anything there. Never have done, it’s not just because of Tom. I do thi k there is something in reincarnation though. We have both said we will find each other in our next life, just got to get the timing right.
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Dear Gary
You sound so so sad ,
It’s early days for you, the pain will lessen with time, life will never be the same, but you will get through.
I have sadly faced this great loss twice. 22 years ago my husband died suddenly, we were childhood sweethearts and I was in hospital having just had major surgery. I just wanted to die too, my life was over. Our two daughters made me come to my senses. I don’t know how I got through the devastating grief and pain. I just wanted him back and the life we had.
BUt I did.
I tried not to look back or forward, both hurt so much. I took it day at a time, or even a few hours at a time.
Finally I met a wonderful man, who had also been widowed , and we had 18 years of happy marriage. I lost this gentle, loving man last year and I’m broken hearted, for a second time.
I’m doing the same , bit by bit, no pressure to end the crying, there’s no time limit for grief.
Hopefully I’ll smile again one day.
Don’t put added pressure on yourself, whatever you feel right to do , is right for you.
We are all different. My wonderful husbands would want me to have some happiness in this lonely life, and I know that, because I’d want that for them if roles had been reversed.
It will get easier to bear, never leave you but live beside you.
I wish you peace , take care
Love Christina x
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Hi Christina.
I’m sorry you’ve suffered a terrible loss twice. Thanks for your positive words. I hope I can get through this pain. I might be expecting too much too soon. I will try to take your advise and only think of one day at a time. I keep expecting a good day but it never seems to arrive.
Take care
Gary x
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Thinking of you, hope the psychotherapy helps you x
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Thx for your kind words x
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Hi Peter. 1st your not on your own there is a lot of support on here from people that are going through the same stuff. I know exactly how you feel. I lost my wife nearly 4 years agoand like you I’m on my own. To start with was raw and emotional even exploded at a colleague when he was whinging about something that was so trivial it just ignited me. Now that is just not me I don’t do confrontational. But it did feel good. I found getting back to work helped to a certain degree as it stopped me thinking about June and the pain it was causing by loosing her. I was easier to block out the hurt ,pain and loss I was drowning under. The worst times were mainly at night and were worse when maybe something happened at work and I’d go oh I’ll need to tell June then remember she wasn’t there. It has been a struggle many a day, though luckily I have my dog to take care of and he gives so much love back. He knows when I’m hurting most. The trouble is there is no set rule for when the pain will ease, we’re all different so go different roads. As I said it’s nearly 4 years and yes even today there are days I get overcome by stuff. It’s just by chance I came upon this forum and it feels “good” ( not really the right word) to be able to pass on how I coped seeing as it’s been a bit longer for me. There are times when read peoples stories and go yip been there and always end in tears as I understand the pain they have. There are just no words that can make the pain ease, I think for some they are frightened they will forget their loved one. Rest assured that will never happen. I’ve got photos of June in my living room, not too many just enough, they were of our last holiday together and it was SO good and that reaaly hurts knowing that won’t happen again. But I try and think well at least it was a great time and can look back and feel happiness, though sadness too. In the last bit you say you are frightened and insecure, can totally relate to that and there are times I wish maybe I’d gone to see a councilor but was usual West coast of Scotland man act " I don’t need to talk to anyone" now think maybe I should have ,but also feel wasn’t ready to do that. That’s why have joined up here as it seems the right time. What i do know is just keep posting on here and spill out your feelings, nobody is judging and as said we’ve all been through it and can try help if possible. Stay strong and lean on this forum to help.
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Truly sorry to hear. Just now you are going to be so raw and hurting. There is nothing any of us can say to help just now, although coming on here to this forum will help even though it’ll be just a tiny bit. We’ve all been through it and I know myself when I read a story like your’s always end up in tears as feel pretty useless and know that nothing can ease the pain. As somebody said just take one day at a time, it’s all you can do just now. Remeber the people on here know exactly what your pain is and think we’d all do our best to try help. Sometimes even just coming on here and posting your thoughts and feelings can help even just a wee bit.
I lost my beautiful wife, Dianne, four months ago I feel worse now than the day she passed. I’ve just come back from Majorca where I went to spread some of her ashes outside our honeymoon hotel where we went after our wedding 38 years ago.
When I returned home the other day I let myself in the front door and shouted her name to let her know I was home. It was only after I went round the house that I realised she wasn’t here. And would never be here again.
The thought of never seeing her again is unbearable and can’t see a time when I will get past that.
I cry every day until there are no tears left.
Good luck to everyone and keep posting. It does seem to help in a small way.
Gary
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Hi to you all
I’m so glad I found this site to read other people who are feeling the sadness, you feel like your not the only one who is suffering. My lovely Gerry has been gone just 7 months and I’ve found it so much harder this week for some reason. I just cant think of my life without him. Went to see the doctor and had a chat and she has put me on a very mild antidepressant. Didn’t really want to go down that route but I’m struggling really bad. I totally agree with Ken1thank goodness for this forum. Hope we all find some small piece of happiness soon.
Take care everyone x
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