Please believe me it is very early days for you. The pain is awful.
It will get a little easier, but only when it happens.
When you love someone so truly, you can’t just get over it, it’s been wrenched from us, we did not want this.
A life we don’t want.
Just do what your doing, get through bit by bit.
It’s ok to be angry, scream , or numb.
Hang on to the love you have, that can’t be taken away, removed from us, but will be with you forever.
Thanks Christina.
It is early days but I’m struggling seeing any future. I will do as you say and try to take one day at a time. I just never thought this is how my life would end up.
Take care
Gary x
Unfortunately no one knows how devistating losing your partner is until it happens to them. I am now without my husband for nearly 9 months, some days I feel as if I am going mad. Feeling as if I’m in solitary confinement. I try to remember the good times but it’s hard. Hang in there and hopefully things will improve in time x
I married at 18 was with my husband 50 yrs
Can’t believe I will never see him again . He was my
best friend . I loved him dearly . Just to talk with him and hold his hand
Just simple things would be absolutely wonderful
Miss him so much every single day and I thank him for giving me the strength to get through each day xxx
Hi, lost my Partner 3 weeks tomorrow at 1.30pm, he died in a house fire… It was horrific, I can’t get the image out of head, he couldn’t get out!
Now having to deal with the police on a daily basis as they don’t know why it happened, there will be an inquest but not for a long time.
Funeral is next week
My life is over and it’s scary knowing I have to live like this, possibly for years, don’t think I can do it. I miss him with every part of me.
This isn’t a life it’s an existence. I have other family but they’ve got their own lives, I’m just me, the one that tags along
I am so sorry. I lost my husband in different circumstances but from the day of the accident had to deal with the police and Coroners until the inquest 9 months later. Perhaps you are in the same position where you are assigned a Police Family Liaison Officer who guided us through each stage of their investigation and the process.
All I can really say is take each day at a time and each event as it arises. I hope that you have family/friends to support you and be there at the funeral and the weeks/months after.
Thank you Sheila
Yes I have got a family liaison officer. I speak to her all the time, which actually helps.
I do have family and friends who have been here for me but I prefer to be on my own, I can just be me.
Friends ask me to go for walks or to their homes but I can’t settle, I just want to come home - which isn’t a home it’s just a house, my home was with Carl and that has gone along with everything I cared about.
I understand. I just go between my home and our son’s. I spend days alone where possible. I recall the shock and horror in the days/months after the incident but can only imagine the pain that you are now going through. Surround yourself with trusted friends.
Is it normal to feel like I can’t do ‘normal’ things? If I do normal I feel like I’m not affected by Carl’s death… Like I’m ok but I’m not ok and don’t want to do anything normal, I just want to be alone with my thoughts. I can’t do happy stuff because I’m not happy
I can’t do much since my husband died. Grief is a terrible thing and is accompanied by so many different emotions. There are so many normal things that I can no longer do even down to watching the TV programmes we enjoyed viewing together. When I eat or even just have a cup of tea I feel guilty.
A few days after my husband died our son and his partner insisted on taking me to the local park to walk with their baby and took photos which they posted on Facebook. I saw them and immediately thought people will think I am not affected by my husband’s death when actually I was dying inside. Since that time I have lost nearly two stone and any photos show the true impact of my husband’s loss which remains utter devastation and heartbreak although I can occasionally find a smile for our two little grandsons.
So everything you are feeling is part of this dreadful journey of loss and you must do what you want to do. Please do not let others pressurise you into doing anything you do not want to do.
I’m the same, I eat as little as I can, I don’t enjoy food. Drinking is just necessary and can’t imagine going out with friends. Walking my dog is hard enough. Driving down streets where we lived is hard and I had to go into the gym to cancel his membership and canceled mine because that won’t be something I’ll be doing again
I have one meal a day and that is usually only a small bowl. Eating is just forced down. There is no enjoyment is meals. I sometimes can go days without eating anything. One of the grandsons stays once a week and only then do I eat something more substantial.
My so called friends have stopped calling because they grew sick of me declining their invites to go out for a drink. Going out socially is not something I can even imagine doing ever again. We had just started to look after our little grandson (he now has a brother born after my husband died) and everything we did was for him. I have continued on looking after him but it is heartbreaking still.
You will still be in shock and this will probably be the case for a while. Do what you need to do to stay afloat and if that means just staying home then just do that.
Thank you Sheila, I can’t go shopping, not even food shopping, can’t go in shops we went in. Driving along roads that we went on. The thought of going places we went to fills me with dread. Unfortunately my dog is suffering because of it because I can’t take him places we went. I played a video the other day and my dog heard Carl’s voice and was looking for him… It’s heartbreaking, I’m just existing not living and I don’t want to, I don’t want to enjoy my life without Carl, there’s no point
My husband was killed on a road leading to Kielder Reservoir so that is a place we as a family can no longer visit. I have a video clip of my husband with our (then eldest) grandson the day before he died. It breaks my heart our little grandson laughing at the man that absolutely adored him. When I watch it I still cannot believe that 24 hours later my life would be destroyed. I too only existence.
I too lost my soulmate Pat to cancer in March 2020. We had been together for 10 years. I feel alone and isolated. The grief is still very raw. Coming home to an empty house. Have had bereavement counselling over the phone but it is not the same as face to face. I feel that I don’t want to live anymore.
I am so sorry that you have lost Pat and find yourself on this journey.
Grief takes us on a rollercoaster that we do not want to be on and not to have to experience the emotions that come with it. All of us on this forum can relate to what you are feeling. Please just keep visiting this site, posting or just reading.
I hope that you also have true friends and supportive family.
Sheila
Dear Museum
I fully understand how you feel, it’s devastating,
Glad you’ve come on this site, we all know the pain and loneliness, it’s scary and you feel life is over.
The life we knew is, but we have to carry on. It’s so hard, only those who have experienced such a loss can truly understand.
Just keep going , hope you have good friends to help you. One day it will get a bit easier, never leave but it will be a bit easier , slowly.
This is my 2 nd time I’m facing losing a husband, I too did not want to live.
it’s incredibly difficult.
To face it once is bad enough, I cling to knowing the pain will lessen in time.
Talk to people, get outside when you can, take it little by little. Get through day at a time or even hour by hour.