Linda3, how can life be so cruel? To go through what we’re going through twice is just unimaginable and my heart goes out to you. You sound so brave. Sending lots of lovexxx
I don’t feel so brave a lot of the time, especially the mornings but there is one thing that is important, you must take care of yourself. It may feel pointless but simply looking after yourself, get in the shower, wash your hair, etc, can make a small difference to how you feel inside. Wear something bright, maybe silly I know. Small steps, take care. X
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I won’t say you’re strong because I unkindly found that annoying when people told me that I was . I thought how do they know and I’m certainly not, just hiding the pain. But you really do sound brave and I
love your spirit and so admire you for it. Keep on with the bright! xxx
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I wish I was strong but I’m not I just want to go be with him and every day is so hard people are stopping me ending it and I just want them to leave me alone they say it’s selfish if I go cause everyone loves me and it would kill them but it’s killing me being here so who’s really the selfish ones them for wanting to keep me when I’m hurting so much or me for wanting to end it
I can certainly say I know that feeling so well, it’s there as soon as you open your eyes in the morning. I’ve had a cry hugging the cushion with Keith’s picture on already this morning, you feel desperate, and we must cry. But we must face the day! One hour at a time, go for a walk, do a little bit of housework, have breakfast, all the usual things to distract you a little. We can’t stop thinking of them, but I don’t want to either, it’s too early! X
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The 23 rd September is so recent, of course you will be absolutely broken. My husband died on 23rd April and I remember feeling as you do oh so well. I was distraught, could see no point in living and just wanted to go to bed and never wake up. My life felt as if it had ended and I’d never felt pain like it, it felt like my heart had been ripped out and there was nothing left. But I just want to say, don’t give up hope, just try and put one foot in front of the other, get out of bed or don’t, but try to make sure you eat something even though you don’t feel like it. Cry your eyes out, shout. talk to him, I did all those things and still do though not so often. After six months I can honestly say that black cloud is slowly lifting and I can find myself smiling and laughing occasionally, usually followed by tears, but not feeling quite so raw. This site was a godsend for me, lovely compassionate people who will be there for you, all of them truly understanding how you feel and just being there. I’ve made some wonderful friends on here and hope it helps you, too. I used to congratulate myself every night, another day got through and still here! Write your feelings down in a journal or diary, I wrote every night when I went to bed and reading those early ones helped me see how far I’ve come without really realising it. One day at a time, even one hour, it’s all a massive achievement and you can do it, I’m proof of that. Sending love and a big hug xx
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I’ve had a few people suggest that I keep a diary and that is something I will start this evening. Everything you have said is so true I know, but I had a complete meltdown on Saturday evening that came from nowhere and was quite scary, having a friend to ring is such a help. It’s so hard to comprehend that you will never see them again isn’t it!? I realise you have got to let the emotion out, don’t stop yourself. Handy hint, drink plenty of water to replace the floods of tears you have just spent. 
Hope your day goes as well as it can, look after yourselves. X
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I’m
Not sure if u was talking back to me I don’t really understand this page but thank you for the advice even if it wasn’t for me I just wish I could see this getting better but I no I can’t and it won’t he’s all I had and now I have nothing
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I was responding to the both of you, but to you specifically now a huge virtual hug is coming your way. I know you must feel life is so bleak right now especially with the shorter days coming in, but while you’re feeling this hurt inside he is close to you. Keep a diary and write everything you are feeling down but don’t read it back for a few weeks. Life is worth living, truly, and your friends and family are there to help you get through this, let them help you. Thinking of you.
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Dear Linda
My heart goes our to you, I fully understand the overwhelming pain . I too lost my first husband After 31 years together, I was so lucky to meet a wonderful widower and we have enjoyed 18 years of happy marriage, only for it to be cruelly taken from us. Coping once is hard enough, I had my job then. Now I’ve lost my darling and have to endure this devastation again, we just have to keep going, there is no other choice. I try to tell myself , you did it before it will get a little easier. But right now I’m broken, and so unhappy. Thinking of you and everyone on here who is suffering this indescribable pain. XxChristina
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I know so well how u feel, u feel the dreadfull pain will never pass. & the empty house or flat.
But dear friend it will, it took.me 18 months 2 feel better, going 2 berevement groups did help, by getting me out of the house, as I tht I was going crazy with grieve.
& going 2 my husband’s grave. Gave me strength 2 carry on. X
Dear Christina
It is comforting to know I am not alone in how I feel, and your right, we have no choice but to carry on but what a painful experience. I was so so happy with Keith, but he’s gone. No going back. We have to believe that life is worth living and that it’s just baby steps for a while.
Dear Linda
You are right it’s baby steps, 2 forward, 1 back. It’s devastating position to be in. All we can do is remember the many happy times we had, knowing we want that life now, but It can’t happen. Slowly we will begin to smile again, laugh , maybe. Just keep going, there is no alternative. I too Think knowing I’m not the only one facing this helps. Hope you continue to cope, bit by bit. One thing nobody can take away is the love we both shared with our husbands. Xxx
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Good morning nearly 4 months since my lovely wife Eileen passed away and it’s just a never ending storm of feeling dreadful ,myself am the same and wishing I wouldn’t wake up ,then feeling bad because I realise my grown up children will have lost as as well as a mum/step mum ,also was put in notice of redundancy 2 weeks ago ,that was bad but in the big picture it is nowhere near as bad as the loss of Eileen
I so so miss her and just can’t imagine another 20/30 years without her ,it just would not be fair on me ,at least that’s how I feel right now ,try have a day less painful everyone ,it’s such a relief reading that we are all feeling the same and I aren’t just going mad
Steve
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sending love to you allx
Hi so sorry for your loss. I am at exactly the same stage. My husband died just 2 months ago, at the age of 62. We had been married 42 years. I now just find myself suddenly crying and saying I just want him back. The future is so scary and I feel so guilty in using our money to pay the bills. I haven’t worked in 20 years so now fear I will have to try and find a job. Sorry I don’t have anything to say to help you other then, you can see I know and feel just like you. Please take care of yourself and try and eat each day.
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Oh Peter, my thoughts are with you, you are not alone in grief, its different for all of us but we know how bad this is. Keep posting. I have recently lost my husband and I am devastated, I feel like my life has been taken away. I have no idea, how I will feel in 6 months, I have no idea how I will feel in 10 years. This is the hardest thing I have been through and we are all on the same side. All the love x
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Hi Snippet
Hope things start getting easier ,I have just hit the 5 month mark and also realised I will have to get a job in next 12 months ,I feel guilty spending any money ,I got hit with redundancy 2 months after Eileen passed so a double whammy ,am like all the others in waning Eileen back and then either sleeping or weeping the rest of the time
All the best
Steve
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Hi bjane
I know how you feel , I am 54 and I lost my wife to cancer 3 months ago and it still doesn`t seem real to me, I find it difficult to get up in a morning and have no motivation either. We had 33 years together but the day my wife lost her life was the day I lost mine too, I now just feel like I am existing not living, my thoughts are with you x
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Hi Paul
It’s a good site and at least you see you are not alone or unusual in your reaction or feelings ,so sorry at the loss of your wife ,I am 5 months down the line of losing Eileen and it’s very painful and all you describe ,we have no choice but to get on with it ,the crying anger and sorrow with guilt doesn’t easily go away but hopefully weakens a little ,lots of sympathetic people on here
All the best on your journey Paul
Steve
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