Preformatted textHello Paul, so sorry you are suffering so much, it really does feel like nothing’s worth doing and your life has ended . And I still often feel that way after 7 months but there are days that don’t feel so bad?, and I can laugh at things somethings and not feel quite so bad. After a lifetime with one person we’re never going to get over it, not completely but we still have a life. You may not feel that way now but but hopefully you will start to slowly be able to face life again. Covid 19 and Christmas have put massive obstacles in everyone’s path to recovery but everything does pass. Don’t try to fight your feelings and your grief, just go with it and let it all out whenever you need to and as often. But don’t give up, as Steve says there are lovely people on here who understand your feelings and can empathise. with you. Have a good rant if you want to, we’ve all been there! Look after yourself and don’t give up hope xx
Hi Steve, thank you for your reply, I only joined this site last night so didn`t know what to expect but its good to hear from other people now I am so alone
Hi bjane thank you for your words of hope and encouragement, it means a lot hear from you, I have little family and friends as we were so happy and content with each other, it was just us now its me, I will try to go on, thank you so much
Hi Paul
I am similar ,my wife was disabled and mobility issues pestered her for last 10 years ,I worked full time as I felt we needed the money ,in hindsight I should have packed in ,main point is we were just a unit in my eyes as you describe yourself ,Eileen wanted friends but I always felt they shied away due to people not understanding disability ,now Eileen has gone I have my son, and daughter and now grandson ,bit lonely as Eileen was my bestest friend and enough for me ,wish in some ways I had gotten a hobby or socialised more ,that would have meant neglecting Eileen and I didn’t wish to do that
I so miss her so,lost my best friend as well as a wife and mother ,looking forward to meeting up with her again.
Good luck again
On your journey
Hi Steve
Sorry to hear about Eileen, It sounds like you are similar, yes I too wish I had socialised more but at the time when you are together nothing else was needed. We did everything together, Cathy was such a kind considerate loving caring lady I wish it was me that had gone instead of her, she is a better person than me. You say looking forward to meeting up again, I don`t know what I believe but I would love to think that we could one day,
Take care, good luck to you, thanks for reply
Paul, try and look at it this way. it makes me accept it better. You are suffering so much and would you want your Cathy to be in this heartbreaking situation? Of course not and that is something to be grateful for, that they have been spared the misery of such grief. Keep posting , we are all here for you . Chin up x
I always admire those who say they glad their partner isn’t suffering what we are. My husband would have managed better than me so I still wish it was reversed even after 7 wks.
I’ve seen the GP and got my drugs. I’ve got a support bubble in my mum stepdad and brother. It looks fine on the outside, I’m lucky.
But I still can’t do it. The thing was we did everything together. We were first best friends and then became lovers. I don’t have other people except superficially. No one could ever come close. I had no other hobbies, no friends, don’t drive as he drove me since we were always together. I still thought we might have kids but we didn’t so far as I enjoyed being with him so much I didn’t prioritise that yet. He was the treasure of my life and now I am not even half of me anymore.
People say encouraging things to me and I agree just to make them stop. The void inside and outside me is so overwhelming. I am cheated of my future and so is he. What is the point of being brave now. I don’t believe in the afterlife or any gods. I am so hopeless sometimes and right now is one of those real times.
I hold it together more now than even a week ago (the pills) but the reality is still there and creeps through. Is the rest of my life going to be a charade trying to pretend I’m OK even though I am screaming inside?
FleurDeLis, I feel your pain and wish I could do something to help you. I hope your medication will start to take the edge off your terrible grief. Seven weeks is a very short time and you are in such a sad , desperate situation. Nobody can know exactly how you’re feeling but many can relate to your heartbreak and desperation. Your life as you knew it has just disappeared along with the love of your life and it really does feel like too much to bear. Like you, I don’t drive and we did everything together and the loneliness is indescribable. After seven months the feelings aren’t quite so raw and some kind of acceptance kicks in but meltdowns still happen on a daily basis. I was lucky, I had Malc for more than 50 years whereas you have had so much snatched away from you , children and a long happy marriage. I don’t know what to say to help you, wish I could, just try to get though it as best you can. A big ask, I know especially with Christmas on the horizon. But everyone on here is very supportive and loving. Sending you a big hug xxx
bjane
Thank you, I will give that some thought, I keep trying to think that because of how bad the cancer was getting that she is not in pain now, she was on morphine for the last 2 weeks of her life so yes you are right that she is not suffering the way we all are now. Thank you x
FleurDeLis
I feel every word you say here and yes my wife was a stronger person than me. I have little family, no friends, no social life as in our 33 years together we lived for one another, we were one and did not need anyone else. Our house is now so empty as is my heart but my head is so full. what is life now, we are just existing but we must have hope x
Hi Paul
Hope u have managed to sleep ,that has been my hardest thing getting a balanced sleep pattern ,lost my job a while after Eileen so had nothing to do after working 40 years or so ,got to try keep routines going even if it means a slice of toast at meal times ,everything has gone to pot ,stayed up till 3am just watching you tube music concerts from the 80s something we both
Liked ,hopefully will make me tired for a good sleep tonight ,keep life going and we should all get there wherever there is .
Steve
Hi Steve
Good to hear from you, sorry you are not sleeping, I couldnt so I got sleeping tablets from my Dr which helps for now, I wouldnt survive without sleep. I am self employed, a property developer so I am not working either, Don`t know what I will do now. We too loved the 80s, I played keyboards in a few bands before lockdown but now that has all changed so I have nothing now, We saw a few live bands too. hope you can sleep tonight, take it easy
I was only born in 1980 but my husband educated me with a lot of 80s music as it was his passion (and older music since before he was born too that he learned from his parents).
There is a songs thread on this forum which is quite good. For the first 6 weeks or so I hardly listened to music (only when choosing for the funeral) despite it usually being a massive part of our lives, I found it too painful without him. I started listening again the last two weeks, mainly to 80s music and whilst it can still be painful it also often helps for those three minutes or so.
I hope you all sleep well tonight. Take care x
Thanks, yes I know what you mean, I love music but have no desire to listen to it at all now, so painful to hear the words from some songs, even ones on the radio make you think so much about your loved ones. x
I too feel that dreadful emptiness & sheer terror of a future without my darling Bill. It is 7 weeks since he collapsed & died as we walked the coast path. He was 61.There was no warning, we would have been married 35 years on 21/12. We worked long shifts so that we could have lots of days together & without meaning too, were such an insular couple, so enjoyed being together, so no close friends really. Our families live miles away. It’s so hard to know how to carry on. I also go to bed as late as I can & dread the mornings. Reaching out to each other here helps though. We are not alone,we can support each other like this, Sending a big hug to you all.
Sudden unexpected death is terrible,the same thing happened to my husband seven months ago. Your loss is so recent, you will still be in shock, I was for several months. Your whole world has been turned upside down, your life as you knew it just gone and the loneliness and emptiness will
feel impossible to bear.
But you will somehow find the strength to carry on and there is so much support on here that you won’t ever feel alone. Many people are awake at all sorts of odd hours and it can feel helpful to be able to post on here even in the early hours Sending love to you , FleurDeLis Stevet and Paul, x
I know the feeling having lost my partner of 10 years 7 months ago. It’s a daily battle & not a day goes by without thinking about him.
It’s hard but we have to take one day at a time & with everyone on here I now know I’m not alone feeling like this. We all have good days & bad days & sometimes more bad than good
The old cliche of time being a healer is true although it doesn’t always feel that way.
Just know we are all here to support one another through the most difficult t8me of our lives.
Thank you @Rosie70 I’m sure we all agree, this is the most difficult time.of our lives. I have grieved before, I have lost but, I have never felt this depth of loss. It’s gonna take some firm heavy steps to.keep moving forward x love to all of you x
I am so sorry of your loss, but I know just how you feel I lost my husband of 49 years in November and I feel exactly the same as you, where is the point, I keep telling myself, my husband would not want me like this, but from what I read everybody is experiencing the same, it is horrendous to lose your soul mate is terrible, I am just hoping with time I can carry on, but like you every morning and night when you cannot sleep, you just keep thinking what is the point, I know I have to try occupy my mind, otherwise I will go out of my mind, and I will meet him again at another time, until then, you just have to keep doing what suits you, and if that is crying doing nothing, then do that until we can function, all my love to you, because I feel exactly the same, I talk to my husband all the time, i say I know he can hear me, he just cannot answer me, but it is hard God Bless you too xx