I lost my lovely wife unexpectedly 7 weeks ago. We have had the funeral and everyone is now getting on with their lives. I however, am in the stage where I have been unable to move on and am unable to move anything that belongs to her, things like makeup in the bathroom or her Ipad in the kitchen. I still have the sympathy cards on the fireplace. I also find that if I see her hand writing on something e.g. the calendar or on a food item label in the freezer it makes me really upset. I really am unable to throw away anything that she has touched even the most basic things, let alone thinking about going through her clothes. I even have a half full bottle of water still in the car that she drank from, I just can’t put in the bin. I feel that if I were to throw something away it’s admitting that she isn’t coming home which my rationale mind knows but something inside me just can’t accept.
I understand this.
I still have his possessions. I found a shopping list in his handwriting and can’t let it go.
I want to hold on to as much of him as I can.
You are grieving, Please be kind to yourself.
Rose
It is all very normal, please don’t worry about it not being. Steve’s been gone for over 4 months now, and while going through his jackets last week I found receipts, rent statements, electricity bills, etc. I’ve kept them all. Whilst going through photos in my phone the other day I played a short video I’d taken and heard his voice asking where the remote control was - I was so thrilled as I have nothing else with his voice on, so I keep replaying it.
Nobody needs to know what you are doing, it gives you comfort and that is what you need at this stage. Take it easy and do what makes you feel a bit better.
@StuartC , sorry about your wife …its so devastatingly hard . It will be three years in september since my husband died . I still have all his things , clothes in wardrobe. Aftershave on drawers , dressing gown on bedroom door , i just cant part with anything . I have kept every scrap of paper he had wrote on , and even now if i use something ,that he was the last person to touch . I actually kiss and hug it …crazy i know , but we do what we can . I dont know if i will be ever ready to move his stuff , but its not doing any harm where it is …7 weeks is to early to even contemplate moving anything , well it is in my thinking .
You will know when and if you are ever ready .x take carex
Sorry for your loss. @StuartC Its still very early days.
I understand fully what you say about acceptance.
My husband died 16 weeks ago and my sensible side says he’s never coming back. But I’m afraid I really haven’t accepted it.
I know nothing I can do or say will bring him back. But I really can’t accept it.
I don’t know how to. I just hope time will bring the acceptance my brain needs.
There’s no time limit in putting away or getting rid of your wifes things. You will know when the time is right for you.
We are all grieving. Go easy on yourself
Sending hugs x
There’s no rush to move anything.
It’s 13 weeks since my husband died and I haven’t moved anything. His toothbrush is still where it was and his slippers by the bed. It took me weeks before I could empty the bag I brought back from the hospice.
It doesn’t bother me at all and I like having his stuff still around me. The kids will come and rake through his jumpers and football and rugby tops and will wear them, and I go around the house wearing his fleecy jumpers for some warmth.
I think I’ll know when I’m ready to start moving things but don’t expect that to be anytime soon.
7 weeks is really early on. Be kind to yourself and just do what feels right for you xx
My hubby passed suddenly Feb 2021. - some possessions I’ve kept but bit by bit I’ve given things to charity.
His toothbrush & comb are still beside mine & that’s where they will stay. The garage full of tools haven’t been touched.
There are no rules, if and when the time feels right. - you’ll know.
G. X
Sorry for the loss of your wife Stuart
There’s no right or wrong way… my stepdad left everything of my mums in exactly the same place for seven years I think we want to feel close to our partners what ever way we can… I still smell my partners clothes in the wardrobe , wear his aftershave and have his ashes by the bed it’s 1 year this July…
I still don’t want to register he isn’t coming back… I talk to him each day… take a day at a
Time get as much support as you can…
plenty of support on hear too
Well I have trouble getting rid of my husband’s things. I took a pair of brand new trousers he never wore to a swop session where I got a great pair of trousers for myself to wear in The same colour as his black trousers. It was for the green week which he would have supported. I know he would have thought that I did the right thing.
Bit by bit. I took a very thick overcoat he never wore to Age UK because it was cold and had this image of some other person maybe keeping warm in it. It felt right. I did squash all his clothes up a bit to make more room. Thought of cutting his brand new jeans he had shortened I to knee length shorts to see if his son could wear them because it would be a reason to make use of them.
I have and will keep forever some of Davids clothes, things that i can still see him wearing in my minds eye. I am going to make some memory cushions with some of his favourite shirts and t shirts and keep them. We had a saying when he was alive which stopped us hoardibg things that were no longer useful to us " lets let someone else enjoy it" so thats what i will do, gradualy sort through his things and take them to the charity shop. There are some clothes that were expensive so i am ebaying those and putting the money aside to have a little holiday next year. Money will be tight for me so he would most certainly approve of what I am doing.
Hi
It’s what ever feels right for you no one is on here to judge… I’ve boxed 90% of his clothes up and popped them in the loft that wasn’t easy doing that… and kept three favourite sweatshirts a pair of trousers he wore a lot his hat ect in my wardrobe with my clothes it’s a comfort to me…
My son fits perfectly into his walking boots which makes me so happy as he walked the sw coast path in them… and I’ve made cushion covers for all my children out of his favourite jumpers see pic
So sorry Stuart. It’s normal. I’m the same my wife died 8th September last year after 52 wonderful years together. I can’t move anything in the house that she left, her handbag her coat her shoes her slippers her toothbrush so don’t worry
You do whatever you want to do that helps. This grief is constant, some days it eases others it’s overwhelming.
@TR4 Thanks for the reply and sorry for your loss. The 8th of September is my wife’s birthday, she would have been 53. It will be a date neither of us will be looking forward.
That’s true Stuart. I’m not looking forward to it. I’ve had Christmas, new year our anniversary and Sandra’s birthday all unbelievable and hard to accept.
I am not sure how to sell new stuff that looks good.
I am going on a holiday on Saturday to a place we went to which will be triggering. But so is everywhere. Think will wear something of his like taking him with me. His trainers fit me so very suitable if I walk. One of his tops fits means goes with a pair of my trousers. I wore his socks. I try on his jackets but they are too small obviously with a bust but can get away with it with a scarf in the front.
We were the same height.
I wear Steve’s jeans most days, 32" waist, a bit long but they look fine. His family went through his clothes and I have what they didn’t want, so 2 leather jackets are for sale on Vinted, so far. Visitors to my house see his boots in my hallway, nobody has commented yet, I don’t care what anyone thinks.
Did you get any replies on vinted?
We’ve sold other clothes there, pretty successfully. Someone actually bought Steve’s pj bottoms, practically new! It is straightforward, no printing labels, only scanning at the drop-off points. The money is sent to your account.
Lol i have just sold a bundle of Davids pj bottoms on ebay. David liked to xall them lounging pants lol, every little bit helps as they say and we are recycling !