I learned recently that Steve had told someone that 3 months is long enough to grieve - wow! This is after he’d lost his own mother.
Now I’m thinking it’s time to move on, following his advice?? I really can’t atm.
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I think loosing your partner is more intense, they were a part of your life in every way. Only you will know when to move on and you will never stop grieving the loss. x
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Losing a parent is so much different from loosing your partner and soul mate. It’s a natural order for your parents to pass first and you prepare for that happening, even if just in your subconscious.
I’m at 3 months and feel I’m only just starting to grieve.
There is no timeline and everyone is different. Hope whoever told you that wasn’t trying to hurry you along - you take all the time you need. Xx
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I agree, losing a partner is so incredibly intense.
Of course, other bereavements are devastating.
I just think there is an element of a different type of love creates some different aspects of grief.
@SadGirlfriend, please don’t put pressure on yourself with a timescale .
There are too many others around who will try to do that to us 
Sending love and hugs.
Rose xx
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I don’t think anyone can or should put a timeline on grief.
Only you know how you feel and only you will know when, or if, you’re ready to move on
I personally don’t think I will ever stop grieving but hopefully I will learn how to cope with it. And I do feel I’m making small steps. But I also know that I could crumble in an instant for no reason at all.
Love and hugs to everyone 
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I do agree wit what you say. That is the way I feel.
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So today I’m crumbling
I’ve had a good week and really thought I was coping.
I even booked a holiday, and immediately felt guilty. Although i know thats what he wanted me to do.
But today I just can’t stop crying and I dont know why.
Well I do know why, but I dont know whats sparked it.
I’ve had a pretty good week, almost at the top of the rollerciaster
But today I’m having a dip.
Hopefully I’ll get back up, when I stop feeling sorry for myself
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Oh @Liro there doesn’t seem to be any order to our feelings and emotions does there. We think we are doing ok and then it feels like we just fall off a cliff back to the bottom.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling awful today but maybe take the positives that you are moving forward by having a better week.
I think we just have to ride the storm and maybe accept the downs when they arrive, let them in and just sit with all those awful feelings. They don’t last forever and you know you can have better days and will again.
Try do something simple to help distract you maybe ?
Sending love and strength to get you through xxxx
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Thankyou @roni52
I know you are right
I’ve been up and I know I can get there again
Its just when these downs hit its hard to remember how you got up before.
I’m on my way to Church so that may help.
I’m not super reigious but since I lost Roger I do get some comfort from going. The people are very kind and welcoming and that means a lot
As does the kindness from everyone on here.
Thank you for caring
Liz x
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Thankyou @Ilovehorses
With the love and support from everyone on here I do feel a lot better tonight.
Like you I’d had a not bad week so it took me by surprise to be so low today
I’m not as brave as you I’m going on holiday with Rogers cousins wife, she’s a widow (I hate that word) too. And I know Roger would approve.
He told me to go on holiday so I shouldn’t feel guilty.
I hate the way my brain works now. I’ve got a teeny tiny sensible bit, the rest drives me crazy.
Thanks for caring and your support
Love and hugs
Liz x x
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I started off ok today.
Then for some reason I decided to sort through old bills and papers.
That was fine, until I came across Roger’s death certificate.
Funny how a sheet of paper can open the floodgates isnt it? 
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Big hug xx
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Big hug from me too. It’s difficult to see it in black and white. All so stark and no indication of how special they were.
I am sitting here surrounded by tasks, dreading the postman arriving with yet more stuff that needs sorting. No prospect of any visitors apart from a man coming to service the house alarm. No doubt he will leave very quickly if I don’t pull myself together and wash all the snotty tears away. I look like the “before” pic for hayfever tablets. Xx
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Hi everyone.
Id like to say that after yesterday I feel better.
I did until I came across the death certificate.
Now I’m just going over and over everything again
I know it doesn’t help but how do you stop your brain when its gone into overdrive.
Sorry I guess I’m just feeling sorry for myself.
I’ll have a better day tomorrow 
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You’re not feeling sorry for yourself at all @Liro - you are just sad and grieving the loss of your husband which is completely natural.
I find doing something helps which isn’t too taxing but occupies my mind.
Puzzles, word searches, cleaning, listening to music/radio/podcast, writing down what you’re feeling, gardening….
Just getting up and moving around the house can help just to stop the going round in your head.
Not sure if that helps at all but sending some hugs for you to get through the day. X
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x
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I can relate to everything that everyone has said. It’s been 7 weeks so far. My husband had a terrible painful death with cancer. I can still see his contorted face. The pain relief at the hospice didn’t seem to touch it. Anyway, he’s out of pain and that’s what I tell myself. But there’s such an empty void. I have plenty of family and friends but its not the same. Anyway, we have no choice but to function as normally as possible. I still need to look after the cats and dog. I do have triggers and I cry them off. I’m just keeping busy, hoping that eventually I can live with myself.
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Oh @1izzy100
I’m so sorry for your loss. You’re quite new to this, I’m 17 weeks in.
I’d like to say it gets easier, and in some ways it does
But its always there waiting to jump up and slap you in the face.
I had a good week last week and then yesterday and today I’ve crumbled again.
But its just the rollercoaster we are all on now.
I’m just telling you this so you know whatever you’re feeling it’s perfectly normal.
Everyone on here is in the same boat, all travelling on this grief journey but all here to help each other. We all understand
Sending you a big hug.
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Thank you for your reply. I know we’re in this together. No one can relate to this unless they’ve been through it. One minute he was sat in the chair and now I’m looking (and speaking) at a box.
I haven’t decided what to do with his ashes. His girls from his first marriage want to scatter them elsewhere but then I won’t have anywhere to visit.
Its all a worry, they are only ashes I suppose.
Liz x
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I have the same problem with the ashes.
My husband said he wanted to be scattered but I don’t know where.
I overheard him talking to someone and I chose to switch off because I didn’t want to contemplate it. Now I really don’t know what to do with him.
I’d be quite happy to keep him at home with me, but that’s not what he wanted.
I have one more person I can ask about it. If its not him, then it’s down to me.
It’s up to you. You decide what to do, not his daughters.
Unless you have some each. I know of people who have done that
Take care
Liz x
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