@Liro Im so glad you have some company to go away with … I’m away with family on Chris first year of passing… I am a little apprehensive going on my own… but I think Chris has left me the strength within me… it’s almost like he is spuring me on…and definitely wearing part of his ashes help… someone told me the other day you can have ashes tattooed into your skin… not sure how I feel about that one… think I will stick with my ring and earrings…
Hope we all have a better week hugs x
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Hi everyone.
Id like to say that after yesterday I feel better.
I did until I came across the death certificate.
Now I’m just going over and over everything again
I know it doesn’t help but how do you stop your brain when its gone into overdrive.
Sorry I guess I’m just feeling sorry for myself.
I’ll have a better day tomorrow 
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You’re not feeling sorry for yourself at all @Liro - you are just sad and grieving the loss of your husband which is completely natural.
I find doing something helps which isn’t too taxing but occupies my mind.
Puzzles, word searches, cleaning, listening to music/radio/podcast, writing down what you’re feeling, gardening….
Just getting up and moving around the house can help just to stop the going round in your head.
Not sure if that helps at all but sending some hugs for you to get through the day. X
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xI can relate to everything that everyone has said. It’s been 7 weeks so far. My husband had a terrible painful death with cancer. I can still see his contorted face. The pain relief at the hospice didn’t seem to touch it. Anyway, he’s out of pain and that’s what I tell myself. But there’s such an empty void. I have plenty of family and friends but its not the same. Anyway, we have no choice but to function as normally as possible. I still need to look after the cats and dog. I do have triggers and I cry them off. I’m just keeping busy, hoping that eventually I can live with myself.
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Oh @1izzy100
I’m so sorry for your loss. You’re quite new to this, I’m 17 weeks in.
I’d like to say it gets easier, and in some ways it does
But its always there waiting to jump up and slap you in the face.
I had a good week last week and then yesterday and today I’ve crumbled again.
But its just the rollercoaster we are all on now.
I’m just telling you this so you know whatever you’re feeling it’s perfectly normal.
Everyone on here is in the same boat, all travelling on this grief journey but all here to help each other. We all understand
Sending you a big hug.
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Thank you for your reply. I know we’re in this together. No one can relate to this unless they’ve been through it. One minute he was sat in the chair and now I’m looking (and speaking) at a box.
I haven’t decided what to do with his ashes. His girls from his first marriage want to scatter them elsewhere but then I won’t have anywhere to visit.
Its all a worry, they are only ashes I suppose.
Liz x
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I have the same problem with the ashes.
My husband said he wanted to be scattered but I don’t know where.
I overheard him talking to someone and I chose to switch off because I didn’t want to contemplate it. Now I really don’t know what to do with him.
I’d be quite happy to keep him at home with me, but that’s not what he wanted.
I have one more person I can ask about it. If its not him, then it’s down to me.
It’s up to you. You decide what to do, not his daughters.
Unless you have some each. I know of people who have done that
Take care
Liz x
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@1izzy100
I get this! one min I kissed him goodnight the next found him gone… and I too chat too his box of ashes… I can’t bring myself to scatter them yet. As although it’s his ashes I still feel he is with me…you must do what’s right for you and not be influenced by anyone… Ive heard of friends who have still
Got there partners ashes ten years on.
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Same here. My husband said he wanted his ashes scattered. I have arranged to have them scattered on the rose beds at the local cemetery and crematorium. Xx
Hi Liz
It’s okay to feel this way and understandable
That finding the death certificate has triggerd you… I started looking through my files today for a heating certificate and came across some of Chris Writing in between some files that triggered me too and I started chatting to him…
sending a hug x🥰
Thsnkyou @Ilovehorses
I’m afraid I’ve been an emotional wreck today. I wasnt good yesterday and I thought I’d be ok today. But if anything I’ve been worse
This has come as a surprise because I was so good last week. But I should have known that when you ride the rollercoaster there’s dips as well as ups. I seem to have been riding it for so long now.
But its not really long is it? 17 weeks out of 42 years.
Thanks for caring
Love and hugs
Liz x
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Bless you Liz all we can do is go with the dips and climbs. I fear we all have a lot more of these to come… Hopefully in time we will have less dips…tomorrow is another day
sending hugs x
@1izzy100 I’m so sorry you find yourself here with us all. keep posting here and joining in on the chat. There’s lots of support and understanding as we are all going through similar journeys.
I’m 15 weeks tomorrow - seems forever away but also like yesterday. I still have my husbands ashes which will be split and a bit scattered in some special places and some saved for when I die and we can be scattered together.
I hope you get a restful nights sleep. Xx
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It’s crazy how our brains work, or don’t work. Last night I had a stupid nightmare about how horrible Christmas will be this year. I woke up worrying about not having a Christmas tree. On the hottest day of the year so far, and there I was at 4 in the morning getting into a right old state about a bloody Christmas tree. I am up to my ears in legal stuff, desolate about my husband dying and being alone, yet the Christmas tree broke me.
Xx
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The things that sting are crazy. I have pretty much been throwing on the same kind of clothes every day, just grabbing whatever is clean. The hot weather meant that I needed to find something cooler to wear. I opened my wardrobe to find something and I was knocked sideways. Everything reminded me of last summer, when he was here and life was lovely. We were supposed to be going on holiday today. This life sucks. Xx
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Yes it does @Willow112 big time
It seems to be the things that take us by surprise that knock us the hardest
I’m 0so sorry about your holiday. I can imagine how upset youare.
Thinking of you and sending love and strength
And a big hug:people_hugging: 
Liz x x
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So sorry, sending a very big hug.
You know you can tell us and we understand.
Lots of love,
Rose xx
Same here, pretty summer dresses that David liked me to wear make me so sad now, It sounds silly but i don’t want to look pretty and nice because David is not here and yes I did it for myself but a big part of looking nice was because I wanted to look nice for David. the hot weather is reminding me of what we did last summer too…heart breaking.
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