Stuart thank you for saying what you did. I thought I was the only one who kept things my husband had touched. I too keep everything he has written and his comb razor and bits all in the bathroom still.
I feel more peaceful tonight knowing that these things I do are done by others too. So sorry for your loss. Hard isn’t it.
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Please don’t beat yourself up about it, @Ilovehorses . Deep down, you know that you couldn’t have saved him even if you had gone into his room at that precise time. It sounds as though he went peacefully, in his sleep. Just as I thought I should have gone out with Steve on the day he passed, now I’m glad that he took himself off and collapsed and died alone, quickly and suddenly. The drama of us attempting to resuscitate them and fighting a losing battle, plus all the added stress they might have had by trying to stay with us doesn’t bear thinking about. 
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It’s hard not to feel guilty though he told me he didn’t feel good a few days before I guess I’m always going to have these what if feelings…I’m sure it has nothing to do with it and it’s just coincidence but I insisted he went to the dental hygeinist and said if you don’t het your teeth cleaned professionally your die of heart failure if read it somewhere . then a few days after he went and had it done he died… I blamed myself again… Mabe it dislodged something that brought heart failure on…
But I am glad he looked peaceful
And didn’t have heart failure whilst driving to London the next day as things could have been far worse…
I too have notes, shopping lists, his aftershave, combs his favourite shower gel all still sitting in the same position…
I went to throw away an old note pad the other day but found his handwriting in it so I couldn’t… these are parts of our loved ones and I guess all normal to want to hang onto any bit of them we can… I was wearing his aftershave lotion but there’s only a fraction left so I need to buy some more if I can smell him he feels with me x
I have lots of texts on my phone from David, i will never delete them !
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The texts seem to have disappeared on mine but I have lots of videos of him which I watch a lot x
I said the same about the dental hygienist, and he went! Also, we went to Spain last April and he didn’t have insurance - imagine if it had happened there!! But it didn’t.
I like to think that he had extra months of life because he was with me, and I did care so much about him.
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In a lot of ways I don’t want to move on I don’t deserve to be happy when my dear husband is no longer here. He always had such ideas about where we should travel next, places he wanted to go and we always had something to look forward to and now he can’t do any of those things and i feel guilty that I’m still here. To move on feels like I would be abandoning him or worse still forgetting him and I never wabt to do that. It’s been just over 2 years now and I still feel the same way. How can I enjoy myself when he can’t?
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Ilovehorses thank you. It’s good to know I’m not alone. I find it so hard to get rid of anything. Keeping anything he’s written on. Texts, messages, little scraps of paper. Can’t bear to part with them
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Everything I find that means something about him I keep in a memory box.
I’m going to download the photo tribute from the funeral. Photos with ‘Please Remember’ by Leann Rimes and put it on a memory stick and that’ll go in the box.
I can’t watch it at the moment, but maybe one day …
Love and hugs to everyone x
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Guilt is something we all seem to have in common… but in different forms…
But I can hear my partner saying to
Me as he did when he was alive don’t let guilt eat you up inside…and that’s how I manage to carry on…deep down I don’t want to move forward without him he made me feel special and my broken heart will never repair but I can’t go backwards only forwards for the sake of my family…
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You should try to move on, wouldn,t that be that what your dear husband would want you to do. You will take him with you wherever you go because he is always in your heart and mind. If the siruation was reversed would you have wanted your husband to stay still in his life?.just try your best to do it one step at a time, one thing at a time, you can still talk to him in your head, you can tell him about what you have done when you get home or write it in a journal.The material things are special but the love inside you is most precious. Live your life and take the love with you it will never dissapear.
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Thank you so much for your kind and considerate response. Common sense tells me that I know you are right but then emotions come into play and I’m back where I started. I will try. I hope your journey is getting easier whatever stage you are at right now. Thank you again your words really hit home.
Let us know how you get on, maybe make a plan today for your first daring move, just something small at first x
Will try, thank you.