Crusted Bless u feel at ease today upset when I fetch ashes she at home I thought about a ring with the ashes but then though she might not be complete was going to have nina in the lawn cemetery us but there not doing that yet feel I need to ground he for ever and need a place to visit but now shes home I may never let her go mixed feeling remember 1 day at a time
Yes, one day at a time. We decided we didn’t want her “established” in one place as we will be emigrating in the next few years and can’t bear the thought of leaving her behind 
for now we are comforted that she’ll be home as soon as we bring her back, we haven’t as yet as we are not ready 
x
Crusted at first I wasnt going to have nina back at all she was going to go straight to the cemetery but because the virus that can’t happen didnot like the thought of her being there on her own make sence if your moveing aboard she can go with u u will.now when the time is ready today I feel shes home
@Mememe
Big hugs Mememe, I don’t know how I’d feel when we bring her home. But equally I want her home and not left on her own at the funeral directors. She’d waited long enough in hospital because she donated. Still can’t believe we are talking about our loved ones like this, it hurts but I have to be strong. I can’t not carry on. Do you have family and friends who support you? X
Crushed yes I do I have a daughter 30 and a son 24 and a husband and 3 step.children surround by people who i can talk to do but there hurting as well so i talk to people at work and in here find it helps
Thank you for your prayers Crushed. I struggle with my faith so I understand. Henry would have found this current situation very difficult to cope with, his anxiety would be off the scale. I think of him at peace and I know I will one day join him.
Wishing you some peace my friend and thinking of you, your family including of course your lost child. Forever in your hearts.
Purple
@Mememe
At the moment, my husband and I grieve differently but he is very supportive. I often have to talk about Alaiya first and then he will open up. Our friends keep regular contact with him so he is supported that way. Whereas I find solace talking in here. And I read a lot about others going through the same. He doesn’t and that’s OK as long as we carry on talking. And we talk about it to the kids as well but there are times when we grieve in our own corner. How are you today? My husband had gone to bring her ashes home. X
@Purple
Yes if one thing is certain, we know our loved ones are not hurting as they are now at peace and no harm can come to them. The current situation is horrible, so much sadness and if we do make it, it would be a changed world. But I take it in my stride, the worst has happened to us already. Sending you lots of love and strength. X
Crusted Im on a longday at work 7 till 2100 it’s very busy because the virus feel a bit lost now siting on my break lifes so normal but how can it just carry on how can I just carry on can’t stop thinking about nina all I have is memories are alaiya ashes home now how do feel I feel like shes home I’m here for u any time
Such a beautiful name.
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Hi maryl how are you today
@Mememe
Yes Alaiya’s ashes are now at home, we felt ok, kids kissed the tube like container and said hello to her Been searching for an urn online but didn’t find anything we liked. So for now, she’s in a blue cylinder with white puffy clouds and butterflies on it. I smiled at the colour, I used to dress her in her brother’s old baby grows all the time (blue mainly), thought why buy more when Ashvin’s were more than adequate. She confused the staff at the hospital as well, she has a stripy white and blue grow on, that day
One thing I’ve learnt on here … be kind to yourself. Say well done to yourself for even thinking about getting out of bed. I used to (sometimes still do) feel so angry that others are carrying on, do they not know our lives have been destroyed to the core? How can the world carry on when we can’t? But we have to, at least I have to, my 2 kids still need looking after, my husband need me and I need him. That’s my motivation. Without this I would have died, maybe not a bad thing, that way I could be with my baby again. But I can’t think like that. I haven’t forgotten her, I don’t miss her any less, I still have moments when I want to collapse on the floor and scream and weep until I run out of tears but then I pick myself up. What’s your wish @Mememe? Besides the obvious? You need to find that thing that picks you up. Big hugs hun xx
Hi Mememe
Thank you for asking, I am struggling with chronic back pain, as I do most days. I stood outside this evening to clap the NHS,
Msry
I work for the NHS so I clap for all my colleagues the world is so strange
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@MaryL
How are you today? We clapped for the NHS and all key workers as well, since they implemented it. It’s the least we can do to show our heartfelt appreciation, right? Has your back eased up a bit? X
Broke my heart today on way home just want it all to be a dream I want her back
Dear Mememe
Of course you do. We all do, and our loss is with us forever. Anything can trigger feelings you may think had settled down. I was looking in the garage yesterday for something and came across a bag of Henry’s belongings- and that was it. Floods of tears for my beautiful boy.
We are all with you sharing our losses, our pain and blessings that we had the time we had with our children.
At this time of sacrifice, more than ever we love them and miss them. But they will forever be with us.
Love and hugs to you x
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Very true it just hurts so much how does life go on
Yes - I know what you mean - when one of life’s anchors has gone it’s hard to believe you will ever feel anything near normal. But somehow you find a way to cope with your terrible loss. I will never get over losing Henry but I have to get on with it as best I can. some days are diamonds…some days are stones…as the song goes. It’s such early days for you and your family…let it be what it is…rest when you can…cry as much as you like…your grief is your grief…
Our children have no idea how much they mean to us…how we live for them…and when they have gone we still live for them…albeit very differently.
Much love to you
Purple
@Mememe
I couldn’t have put it any better, I echo what Purple said … it’s so true, number of times I’ve said, I want my baby back … but it’s not going to happen, is it take strength my friend, we have to find our own way to carry on, as much as it it hurts … we have to. Sending you lots of love x