Hi Crazy Kate
I know the song it comes from “Keeping Faith” a series on TV I play it over & over on you tube I do find it very haunting but it just gets to me.
Just read back on all your posts. Made me smile even a little chuckle thank you for reminding me it is ok to laugh. !!!
…Anti-depressants, alcohol, does not cure, it only numbs away our pain, our loss, our heartbreak…anyway, i am keeping out of here, this room smells like a " brewery. "
Yes laughter is our best medicine, although i too am not doing very much of that since April 11th…
Hi Theresa41
As a retired Met Police Officer I, like many of my colleagues, are used to using alcohol as a means of winding down from a hard days work. In perspective alcohol is fine. I would even say medicinal. You hear so many negative reports concerning alcohol and of course for certain types of people these messages are true. But in my experience the vast majority of people use alcohol sensibly and remain so. And like me they probably ignore the government guide lines. And they are just guide lines. Not set in stone as we are all different in stature and attitudes of mind. I personally look forward to my 5 + cans of Carlsberg every evening when its the loneliest time. It also causes me to sleep very well. But I never touch spirits because I don’t like them. My wise old school doctor once told me this Saying. " Alcohol is a fine servant but a terrible master." To me it always has been a fine servant- even today following my dear wife’s passing five weeks ago. Thus the 5 cans of an evening.
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2019 - 23:10
Geoff you are right to voice and express your take on what alcohol can aid,relieve and as in your case a welcome relief in taking the edge of a terrible situation and I much agree … that also being the reason that has unfortunately made you a welcome member of this forum … unfortunately it’s not always the case for everyone I don’t think it matters the reason we drink alcohol but more in fact the person we are that’s drinking it … I’m in agreement Iso used to enjoy a glass of wine … to de stress not often but still enjoyed … unfortunately for me I now do fear people thing I take the moral high ground not because I want to judge or to be miserable… but because tonight I tuck my five and six year old in to bed and give them a kiss and say ‘ mummy loves you and so does daddy up in the sky ‘ and my beautiful girl says back to me ‘ is daddy safe now mummy …
you see my husband died last year just 36 he was not an alcoholic … a husband a daddy and for some reason he turned to alcohol to take of the edge of what ever darker was going on inside him .he binge drank on the Saturday night was found the next morning . and now we are left with a huge hole in our lives … I don’t drink anymore alcohol scares me … I hope in time my thoughts will change … I constantly now tell my friends and family to be careful watch what they have and why they have it but most importantly for them to still enjoy a well deserved beer and believe me when I say it comes from fear and no moral high ground … I’m so sorry for the loss of your wife I know how cruel and cancer can be … I hope the sight helps and a cold beer also
Love and best wishes Michelle
Hi, you are so right when you say people expect you to start a new life! Like you my husband and I had been retired a year and we had saved hard for our retirement and had so many plans. But suddenly he was taken from me with a massive heart attack , he was only 60 and we had been married for 39years. He was my life so how do people expect it to start again. I just exist from day to day and the future just looks bleak. As you said people don’t understand grief but go on about drinking too much alcohol. If it takes the edge off your miserable life that’s good. If there is anything that can help you get through each miserable day well go with it. And as you said the pain is so bad I am too surprised more people dont kill themselves. My faith keeps me going otherwise I don’t know what I could have done.
year
I haven’t had anybody suggest to me that I should make a new life. In fact nobody has made any suggestion of any type about how to live my life. My mother died a few months before my wife, and my aunt died soon after. That’s left me as the oldest family member and maybe that’s something to do with it. I have told myself that I need to become different and build a different life but it’s not like I have a plan. It’s just evolving in a random way.
I’ve drunk beer and whisky for years but not to excess. I can only remember being properly drunk a couple of times in my life. I find that I drink just enough to feel relaxed or mellowed. It used to be to counteract the stresses of work. Now it’s because I like it. Nothing to do with grieving. It’s just over twelve moths since my wife died and I don’t feel pain as such, more an overwhelming sadness, which lifts occasionally.
Certainly made me smile Kate x Jimmy being a Scotsman liked his whisky, so I have many bottles of malt, every one special. Can’t think of a better mouthwash…x
Certainly made me smile Kate x Jimmy being a Scotsman liked his whisky, so I have many bottles of malt, every one special. Can’t think of a better mouthwash…x
You don’t add anything to malt (wink emoji). Thank goodness for the kindred spirits who have capacity to share their journey and give hope x We all experience the lows of life after loss…don’t think that will ever end…but I have the patience to wait until it is my time to join my loved one. Until then I know he will be watching and will be proud of just how I face each day without him physically as he is most definitely spiritually there x
Whisky is Scottish and Whiskey Irish x I come from Kilmarnock the birth place of Johnnie Walker and our first flat was in a block called Walkers Buildings having previously been let to factory workers.
In reply to Teresa, it would have been so easy to find ‘comfort’ in a glass of wine…but I knew it was not a good idea…so I restrict having a drink to when I’m with friends or family, usually a social evening and who are staying over.
Jackie,
I write a journal where I describe in detail what I have done through the day as if I’m talking to my partner I tell him how I feel emotionally tell him what I’m worried about and any progress I have made. I do this just before I go to bed. It helps to empty my mind and makes me feel close to him as its as if I’m talking to him. I’m usually crying as I write so it also is helping me to express my emotions. I also work try to keep my house tidy and plan trips out to meet friends in the early weeks I did not want contact with people I was in a bubble trolling through the paperwork, just functioning and getting through the day…i can honestly say doing these simple things have kept me going. I hope you too can try these suggestions and that they help as much as they have helped me. I also take a sleeping tablet and medication for my anxiety low dosage of each and I also benefit greatly for getting a block of sleep.let me know how things go. I hope you get some relief soon
M
Hi HB. You are so wise. No matter what way you do it getting feelings and emotions out is so very important. Journals, coming on here, counselling or even thumping the wall is all an expression of emotion. It’s why crying is so important too. No one should ever be ashamed of tears. ‘Guys don’t cry’! No?. I do and often.
And neither should anyone feel bad about medication, short term. Or even longer if your GP thinks it advisable. Now I do appreciate this is a very personal choice. Just as medication can be helpful no one should be talked into it if they have deep felt feelings against it.
Thanks for an encouraging post. Take care
I’ve just got results back from a cholesterol test. It’s elevated. As I’m going to have to cut back on Magnums, Cadbury fruit and nut, chocolate digestives and cake I may need to find solace elsewhere.
What a choice to have to make.
Noooooooo not cake! 
Ham3,
Thank you so much for your understanding reply.
You obviously recognise the pain and bleakness of daily existence when the centre of our lives have gone.
The shock of sudden loss is so hard to describe to anyone who hasn’t experienced it.
I’m glad you have your faith to help you. Take care Jx
Heartbreak,
Thank you for taking the time and trouble to reply and your kind suggestions. I’m glad they are helping you. Jx
Jackie,
No problem I know how hard it is so if I can help in anyway I will.
Hb
I don’t care what anyone says about alcohol not being the answer, there are times when alcohol is the only answer at that specific time. whether you have succumbed to seeking solace by indulging or have been contemplated it, no one can ever comment on the the rights or wrongs until you’ve stared the dragon in the eyes.
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