Stephen 1,
I just had a look to see what you were referring to when you spoke about the book,. It was not clear that it was the Title, ‘The jokes over, You can come back now’. I just read about it and it looks as if it would be a really good companion for some of us. Thank you.
I’m so sorry you lost your wife and only 5 months ago which is no time, and like so many of us the support you have does not feel like its enough. It can feel so utterly lonely. I hope you have a better response on Twitter. Dancing is so special and I hope you are still able to have that solace. How long were you together?
Someone said ‘Hugs’. I join them.
Dear Sheila
I do so understand your dilemma regarding whether you continue to support former friends in their grief, whom, in fact, stayed away when you could have done with their support! Unfortunately, so many people are like that, maybe it is due to the ‘unknown’ aspect, they do not know what to do or say because they have not suffered such a bereavement. They probably now turn to you knowing that through your own experience you will understand!!
Life is strange, I think we all change over time, and hopefully understand more. Sadly two friends of mine lost their husbands at the same time as each other, when we were all only aged about fifty. We had all attended each others Weddings when we were young around 21. I have kept in touch with both of them, but in slightly different ways. The one friend and I continued to see each other as before, visiting each other with our children during school holidays etc. The other, remained in touch, say at Christmas, but never suggested we met up. The years rolled by, and since Alan died the friend who I saw mainly still contacts me regularly, and we meet up from time to time. However, after many years of not seeing the other friend, instead of just leaving it at just Christmas cards we are now writing to each other and also phoning. In our telephone calls we get on just as well as when we were young, and, although we now live 70 miles from each other, due to Alan and I leaving our roots when we retired, we are planning to meet up, if and when this pandemic clears. Strangely, two cousins who are also widowed, have now been in touch with me since Alan died, though we rarely saw each other over the years. I dare say some would wonder why I bother, when they didnt bother much about keeping in touch earlier. I think we all benefit from the renewed contact, and now think it’s no good worrying about what we did or didnt do!
A difficult one for you! If you find you enjoy the renewed contact, then carry on. Your feelings will guide you.
Love, Deidre
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I understand so much of what you’re saying. Life will never be the same. I just want my Billy back so badly it hurts , to have his arms around me and make me feel safe and loved again, knowing that will never happen is unbearable. He got diagnosed with cancer October 2018 , we may aswell have died that day , I lost him December 2019, the worse day of my life , didn’t think I would survive but my lovely family pulled me through .
I think if all the lovely ladies going through this dreadful ordeal and the only thing is WHY x
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Hugs, and many of us going thru the same thing are men, and trust me we feel the same pain. I know I will never fully recover.
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I’m sure you feel the same pain as we women do glad your opening up some men don’t. 9 months loss of my husband my son has been a rock but worried that he does not open up to me he hides all his grief Sorry for your loss
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Hi Kim
I have been “listening “ to lots of books about grief and loss - on thing I have leaned is to hat we all mourn differently - some people talk a lot and cry , others don’t cry don’t talk etc
It doesn’t mean they are not mourning it just means that they do it in a different way - so I imagine your son is ok - he is dealing with his dad’s death the way h can - probably your son is a quiet person by nature
Tak care
Sadie x
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Hi
Yes he is a quiet person when I talk about Mick his dad of course I cry all his been doing is comforting me rarely talks about his dad to me. His girlfriend did tell me he talks to her and has cried. I should be supporting him as a mother. Thank you for replying x
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Kim
Jack died 27 months ago - in a the depth of my sorrow I am afraid I have not been a supportive mum - I know the kids ( they are adults!) miss their dad, I know they are also grieving but I still don’t have the strength and energy to support them.
It seems that grief makes us concentrate too much on ourselves
I have apologised and explained to them that I simply cannot be the same supportive mother I used to be
So well done to you to find strength and support your don
Sadie x
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Thank you I hope one day our pain eases take care x
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