Morning Jo, I used to watch Strictly whilst he was at his social club watching the football and he’d cone hone just before it finished, he’d grumble (in a jokey way) that it was still on. This year I’ve not watched a single week. Saw a Poiriot we’d not actually seen (or perhaps forgot), part way through I found myself saying ‘I’ve not seen this one before, have you Al?’ It’s only very very recently I put the radio on but found it distressed me too much. It is a struggle as you say Jo, some days it feels I’m climbing the Eiger other times I’m just dodging the boulders. Never a smooth ride, but always an uphill struggle. I hope this forum helps you as it is helping me. One thing I’ve started doing, which I mentioned on a thread I started, is that I bought a beautiful bound journal and each day I write in it as though he’s still here sitting next to me, I tell him about my day, how I feel etc, before long I’m having conversations with him in my mind, I write down my replies but not his, (I believe in the spirit world), doing this daily is helping, he passed 19th May but it wasn’t until 31st October that I found bring myself actually open the journal and begin. It may comfort you it may not, we all have different ways, but the needs and wants are the same aren’t they? We need and and want them back here with us. X☆
I can’t listen to music at all but it was my passion so I know Denise would want me to carry on listening so somehow I have to get over it. Maybe it will bring us closer together again xx
For a long time after my husband’s passing in June 2017 I couldn’t listen to music or sing. I used to sing all the time - it used to drive my husband mad. Now I listen to music all the time, listening to the words, searching, searching for meaningful words. I also sing now but nowhere near like I used to. But I promise you it will come, music will return to your lives. It will be different. I find I’m drawn to more morose songs now rather than happy songs which is understandable. This morning I’ve listened to Enya ‘If I could be where you are’ and Katherine Jenkins ‘Jealous of the angels’ which apparently was on morning telly today, sung by a choir of children - I didn’t see it myself.
My love to you all xx
I had an early start today. I’m on my way to Keswick to stay in one of our favourite hotels for three nights. I’m travelling by train and bus. Tomorrow the plan is to walk up to the summit of Catbells which we did many times. Just to make things even more difficult I’ve loaded a piece of music on my phone - a very special piece - and I’m going to plug in my earphones and play it. Not sure if it will work out quite like that as I feel tearful just thinking about it.
Your doing so well. Cat bells not done that for a while not great weather all the best. She’ll be with you x
It’s 5 months now since I lost my husband, 4months after our golden wedding anniversary and I too write in a little book dedicated to him, tell him what has happened and how I feel. I say goodnight to his picture on my phone and it makes me cry as I stroke his hair and tell him I love him. I can’t listen to music at all. I’m dreading Christmas and yesterday got our first card addressed to us both - I thought I had told everyone but had missed someone. I hate the loneliness, the endless hours in the day and the same at night when I just wish I could die and give up this pointless existence on my own with nothing in the future and no-one to cry with.I feel he should be there to comfort me as he did when I lost my Mum, my Dad, my brother, my sister, his Dad and now himself, the most important and loved one of them all.
I’m envious YorkshireLad, but alas I have to work. I’m looking forward to North Wales though for Christmas. There’s something quite invigorating about walking on the beach in wintertime, on Christmas morning even. This will be our 5th year spending Christmas away. I say our…
Good luck. The Lake district was our favourite place to be as Iain was born near Carlisle and loved to walk the hills. We always stayed near Keswick at a lovely place with views to Borrowdale. I can see it now and wish I was there with the love of my life as you will be up there today.
Dear Menessie. I lost my husband 18 months ago, a month after our silver wedding anniversary. The music will come. I hope the writing in a journal is helpful and somewhat comforting. With regards the Christmas card, try turning your feelings around and take comfort from the fact that it’s addressed to Mr and Mrs. Easier said than done I know but I would love to receive a card sent to both of us. I see it as keeping them alive. I always want to be Mrs alongside my Mr. Sending you love at this difficult time of year. Xx
Hi Kate, yes, the writing is comforting and I suppose it’s nice that people think of us as a couple but it’s hard having to reply and tell them the truth because I know they will feel sad too. Has to be done however. Love to you too and to everyone else who is reading this and who is facing Christmas , especially those who will be alone. xx
I know how you feel Jo as I am very much on my own but yes, there are lots of others here who know what it’s like and would hold your hand and give you a hug if they were nearby. All we can do is send you sympathy and a virtual hug, feel it now xx
I didn’t send cards last year Menessie, because I simply couldn’t bear to write only my name on all those cards. I hope people understood. This year I’m only sending cards to various friends I rarely see. That’s it for me. Xx
I’m expecting several cards to arrive addressed to my wife, people she has kept in touch with over the years. These will be people who will not know she has died. If they give an address then I suppose I should write to them. I assume many of them knew she was ill so maybe the fact they will not get a card will be enough for them to work it out. I suppose other people on here will have a similar situation.
I intend printing off several short explanatory notes which I’ll pop inside the cards that I send.
Poor Eileen used to be in charge of sending cards, so I feel duty bound to continue what she would have done.
That’s not a bad idea Edwin and would be a lot easier than writing inside each card individually. I’ve already had to send a couple of birthday cards since Iain died and it just felt so wrong to write only my name inside.
I still put love nana and grandad in grandkids cards xxx
Aw that’s nice Stevie. I wish I had grandkids too xx
Hi Stevie, This is my first Christmas without my love and thats what Ive done.Can’t bear to leave his name off,
Sandra xx
I braved the attic today (under thatch, spiders, cobwebs and dormant wasp nests) to recover Christmas lights and decorations, and realized that there were enough unused cards from previous years to preclude the need to buy any more this year.
In amongst them were four addressed envelopes containing cards with messages written last year by my late wife. I guess she just didn’t get around to sending them.
You can imagine the effect it had on me. Even the spiders were giving me a hug.
My plan is to contact the people in question, explain the situation and ask if they would like me to send them these cards.
What would you do ?
For me Xmas can jog on. But I have to put the tree up Denise never hung a borball up but once it was up she loved it. Xmas day with the kids then an evening date with Mr Jameson music tears and oblivion bit of luck I won’t wake up boxing day. Sorry. Buts that’s how I feel xx