It isn’t until they’re gone that you truly understand what it means to be alone.
I used to think being alone meant having no one beside you. But I was wrong.
There is a different kind of loneliness when the person you shared your life with is no longer in this world. You wake up each morning knowing you have to face everything on your own. You don’t even understand yourself anymore. You keep asking the same questions: “Can I do this? Will I be strong enough?”
Eventually, you grow tired of searching for all the answers. All you can say is: “Whatever comes, I’ll face it.” Not because you’ve given up, but because you know there is no other choice except to keep moving forward, even without them by your side.
Every step is difficult, but somewhere deep inside a small hope remains. A hope that one day you’ll learn how to live with the loss. And even if you walk this journey alone you carry their love and memories.
Hi Alone, you have described how I and I imagine most of us will be feeling, I’m constantly asked by a friend,“what’s your plans for tomorrow " I answer the same every time” nothing planned". Most times my day would have been around what my partner Theresa would want to do, ie go shopping, visit her brother, doctors appointments, everyday was different, now everyday seems to be about getting my day in, Today I will go to see if her brother needs any shopping, then visit the cemetery as it will be 5 months Theresa has passed,followed by dinner at my sisters. It is good to be with family , but I wish Theresa was with me, take care
There are some people on this site… very few… but we’re here, a very small minority, who don’t have anyone - family or friends - to ask how we are, or what are plans are for the day.
We are truly alone.
My lovely husband was my best, and only friend in this world.
Tragically, cancer took him from me 13½ months ago when we were both 58 years old.
The fact that there is someone, anyone, to ask how you are, what your plans are for the day, or even if you’re still alive… is a blessing in itself.
There are people, like myself, who don’t even have that, and who endure the true meaning of loneliness, day in and day out, not because that’s what we want, but because of our circumstances.
I work full-time, but don’t have much in common with my colleagues, there’s no common ground there, really.
I prefer more authentic, meaningful conversations/connections, which sadly, are more and more rare, in today’s superficial and trivial world.
Take care.
Eve x
Dear Eve I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I thought I was unusual living alone but one of my sisters started calling me once a week which was a godsend and my wife’s aunt would do the same. I found myself often not talking to anyone for a week or more and it is unhealthy. Even when someone calls, it seems like a drop in the ocean compared to what life was like before. Have you looked into bereavement groups. I know people are often much older but aren’t their groups that go walking etc. where younger people might be found. I feel like unless people are bereaved it’s difficult to fit in with people who are full of life if you know what I mean. Maybe making a friend could help, I know it’s easier said than done. I have tried to be more sociable but I never needed anyone else I was completely content.
Thinking of you and sending hugs
Wishing you all the best Tom
Hi Tom,
Thank you for your kind response.
My circumstances are very difficult, Tom.
I live in the countryside… a rural setting that we moved to 5 years ago in anticipation of our future retirement.
I commute into Central London daily, so my days are long, and taken up by work and commuting.
Where we live, it’s working people of our age, who have families, mostly.
There’s no demand for bereavement groups in my area.
Even so, I actually instigated a local bereavement group last year.
It was tiny, and consisted of 4 people, all of whom were in their 70’s/80’s… different lifestyles, perspective, outlook… different everything, Tom.
They could look back and be thankful for their time spent together, knowing that, they didn’t have decades to contemplate without their loved ones.
I tried, attended 4-5 times but I didn’t fit in with them, my grief is very different.
Having worked so hard all our lives, we were at a point where we were looking forward to, and planning for the next 20-30 years of our lives.
THIS should have been OUR time.
I’m mourning and grieveing so much, so very much, that will never be.
I feel really lost and alone.
We were so very happy and so blessed, we had everything, but only because we had each other.
It’s very difficult to come across people on the same wavelength, values, outlook etc. Tom.
My amazing husband was my life, my universe, and I was his.
I just don’t fit in anywhere, anymore.
Too young to be in this awful situation, with other people of my age living full lives with their families.
People in these sad circumstances, tend to be alot older, retired, with different lives and perspectives.
The truth of the matter is, I shouldn’t be in this nightmare of a situation, my “one in a million” husband, should be here with me, living the beautiful life we had together.
I keep going as far as work is concerned, because I have to, but I don’t have the motivation or energy to care for pur home in the way that I used to.
I just think… “what’s the point”?
Our dream life is over.
I realised that it was me texting or phoning 1 or 2 former colleagues, and that people aren’t interested.
I got tired of listening to their trivial man-made dramas, without even being asked how I am.
I’ve gone from being my Michael’s priority to being nothing to no one, and just existing.
At least, there are 1 or 2 family members, who contact you once a week.
See it as a blessing, Tom.
Thanks again and take care.
Eve x
Dear Eve your situation is heartbreaking. There are plenty of people nowadays that live on their own and don’t want commitment because it interferes with their lives but they are oblivious to the feeling of being loved so completely by someone. The problem we face now is that we have experience the closest thing to heaven on earth and had it ripped away, leaving us totally devastated.
Wishing you all the best and sending hugs
Tom
I know how you feel Eve. It’s a heartbreaking situation to be in. I’ve just turned 56 and feel like my life is just completely and utterly pointless now. To have had that special someone caring and looking out for you, worrying about you, and as Tom said, having that ripped away is just very very hard to accept.
I’ve had so many people just back away from me, as if this grief is contagious. They don’t want to listen to our sadness, when they have their own lives to get on with. The disappointment in other people when you’ve had a loss like ours is something very real and so cruel.
I’m having a bad weekend so I’m not in a good place to offer any comfort, but please know you’re not alone.
Sending a big hug xx
Dear Fiona I hope you find some peace tonight
Thinking of you and sending hugs
All the best Tom
Thank you Tom. Goodnight and hope you enjoy your holiday x
Hi Fiona,
Thank you for your reply and I’m truly sorry for what we’re both going through.
The weekend has been s**t, so I completely understand where you’re coming from.
I’ve come down with a bad cold, feeling rubbish, and unwell, without my darling Michael to care, and look after me.
Have spent the weekend in ‘solitary confinement’ crying my eyes out… thinking of what I had, and what I’ve lost.
Started having panic attacks today, so I forced myself to go down to Tesco, just to see and hear some form of human life and to get me out of the four walls.
How sad is that?
Tesco, is my “go-to” (safe) place.
But that’s the reality of my “life” now.
Just like you, Fiona, I have seen so many people back away and disappear altogether, and I don’t know why??
I, too, feel that my “life” is completely and utterly pointless now.
I honestly don’t understand what the purpose of each day is anymore… just going through the motions… for what, at the end of the day?
Sorry, I’m of no help to you, but at least we know, we’re not alone in how we feel.
Thank you for the hug, sending hugs back to you.
Take care, Fiona.
Eve x
@Alone1 @HeartofGold Add me to the list of those who are truly alone Cindy 
Dear Eve, I belong to the small group too… Many hugs from Janka
Dear Cindy, I know what it means completely. Many hugs from Janka
Oh Eve, if we’d live close to each other, we could be the best friends… Janka
Totally devastated… amen to that! Janka
@Janka Hugs to you too 
Cindy
I have hesitated to bring this up, but maybe I’m not the only one. There seems to be the occasional male fishing here. I am not against finding love again, wherever, if there is a genuine connection, but there is also sleeze. Beware.
Fiona, the message you have just wrote i can so relate too.I feel the same as yourself and Eve.When we are alone, just us, no family and no friends, it really does hit home to me the reality of losing my dear wife, the person who i loved with all my heart, who was my everything, my world, i miss everything about her but most of all her love and the care she gave me, she was the best wife i could ever have wished for.I “talk “ to her all the time telling her how much i love her and how i miss her.Its all so unfair and cruel.I know we all have to depart this earth one day but it was the way my dear wife was taken from me so suddenly and her age too.Its awful when our loved ones pass away at any age but older ages like 80s and 90s the person has had a full life at a much younger age it feels as though our lives have been “Stolen from us”, we had our latter years too look forward to and that was taken fro me.A life that was so happy and loving and joyful now just sadness, loneliness and emptyness.The groundhog day feeling day after day, waking up in the morning knowing i have to face another day without my dear wife beside me, then go through the motions, work, home, sleep, then repeat.Broken up by weekends but they too bring such sadness and tears.Meaning and purpose have gone now, it just feels like existing day to day.The person who was my “life” taken from me, part of me left with her what remains i no longer recognise anymore, myself and my life changed forever.As you say its so hard to accept, i dont think i will ever be able to accept what has hapened.The contagious grief disease people are so afraid of catching.People at the funeral “we will keep in touch”, nothing.some may say they dont know how to approach us and what to say, that may be true in some cases as unless they have lost as we have they just dont get it, but it costs nothing to show compassion to our fellow human beings, its so cruel when they say we will keep in touch but then dissapear.
I am so sorry you have had a bad weekend Fiona, i dread weekends, in fact i dread every day but weekends tear me apart if thats possible to be torn more than i am.Plese know you are not alone Fiona, please reach out if you feel like talking writing your thoughts down.Please feel free to Pm if you want to.Please look after yourself that is so important.
Sending a big hug to you.
Take carexx
gemswinc, please be careful.We can be so vulnerable as we are the way we feel, like so many things in life nowadays we have to be so careful and what we share with others.Please dont hesitate to contact the moderators if there is anything anyone flags up.Its so important to think “safety “ and look after ourselves.Please take care.
I agree with what you have said. It’s so hard when your heart is breaking. It is a very different loneliness.