What lovely and thoughtful words of advice.
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lovely words jonathan
I just found your post. You are not strange and don’t worry about what others think. What comforts one person won’t comfort another and you are entitled to feel whatever way you want. You are obviously very raw just now as it is so very soon for you and you have a lot to go through I hope that you have a lot of support from family and friends in real life today. Don’t let someone make you want to leave this site there are a lot of good people supportive people on here who really understand what you are going through. Please keep talking and using this as I have found it helpful to know that someone out there understands and cares about me. You can cope with it only because you unfortunately have no other choice but as long as you have support you can make it through. Sometimes the funeral part is the hardest and sometimes its the easiest part because there are supportive people around you, people who knew your husband and can share your memories, and will grieve with you… What affects you will be different to what affects someone else. Know that there are people here who are thinking of you at this What helps you get through will be different from what helps someone else but many people here can share what helped them in the hope that it might help you also. Take care.
Thank you for your kind words, sympathy and encouragement. I feel a big more able to face today now. X
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Bless you Ann. Our prayers and Blessings and love and good wishes are with you today. God Bless you and keep you safe. John.
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Thinking of you. Hope you manged okay relatively speaking and that you had people around you that gave you the support you needed. Sometimes the hardest thing is after they leave. So please if anyone does offer to be there for tell them that you appreciate there kindness and contact them when you need them. You may find you have a lot of people willing to support you if you ask unfortunately sometimes you need to be proactive and take people up on their offers as people dont like to push and check up on you at this time even if sometimes thats what you need. Take care of yourself.
Thank you Meebee for thinking of me, (and Jonathan and many others who have said that too), Maybe it was all that support, but I got through yesterday with my loving family and it was a perfect burial. That may sound a strange thing to say, but that was how it seemed. Our daughters, their husbands, the grandchildren and their partners were there. The sun was shining and the funeral director was loving and caring when he talked about my husband. Apart from my flowers which had come at the same time as the casket, the family brought their flowers with them. As soon as they laid them down on the grave, two butterlies came and settled on them for a minute or two, then flew off. I have never been one to believe in this, but I do now.
It was a peaceful and loving burial and we all went back home for a buffet. We chatted about him and what he meant/means to us and I’m sure, if he knew, he would be touched and proud. He was so loved and always will be. I was well looked after and loved that day especially.
Today, my granddaughter spent the morning with me and we talked and laughed and cried about the happy times. He was a brilliant Granddad and nothing was too much trouble for his grandchildren.
Bless him and alll the wonderful people who are no longer with us.
Whie we were talking, our favourite bird, the robin appeared in the garden and sat there looking at us with his little head cocked. A sign? I don’t know and i don’t care, if I’m reading things into this that aren’t there, I don’t care about that either. It comforted me and that really helped.
Thanks to everyone who has supported me on this site. There probably isn’t a lot more to say now, so I shall sign off. I shall come back from time to time though as I find it comforting. Peace and calm to you all xx
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Hi Ann. I am so glad things went well, well as well as they can be with all this shutdown. You had two examples of what can happen in the way of some sort of realisation that all is not lost or gone. ‘Reading things into things that aren’t there’. But they are there, you saw them and although small things they are very significant.
I believe very much in prayer. I’m not religious, but that’s another story. I have seen so much happen through prayer.
When you feel like it come back to us. Your journey is just beginning, and if you feel you want support at any time in the future please come back. Bless you. John.
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Hi Ann
So pleased you coped. Surprised me how my husbands cremation went also. It seems we are given a strength to get through this day.
My husband was a singer and a CD was played of him singing. It was so lovely. The day was a tribute to him. Just as your day was a tribute to your husband.
Those signs were special and meant to be, so please don’t dismiss them, they was sent to comfort you. Treasure them.
I hope you will come back to the forum. I am sure you will find contact with people that really do understand a help to you.
xx
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hi Pattidot
Thank you. Yes, you are right about the strength, and all my family were strong. Even our 12 yr old grandson who had sobbed all the way in the car, held it together by the grave, bless him. We were lucky in that our funeral director was amazing - couldn’t have been more supportive. I feel sad today as yesterday made it final, but on the other hand I feel calm because I knew he felt loved and valued by me and all his family, including their upartners throughout his life. He always said he was a lucky man. I was the lucky one, I used to tell him. How sad for all the people who didn’t have that.
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Ann, what a lovely attitude to have. Hang on to those thoughts.
I also was grateful to the man that did my husbands cremation. It does seem to be a gift that they possess and can make even a sad day seem special. I actually found myself listening and enjoying what he was saying about my husband although I had written it. It made the day more bearable.
Good luck to you and keep in touch.
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Thank you Pattidot. Isn’t it wonderful what a difference a kind word or action can make?
I, too, took in all the things said at the graveside. The eldest grandson said a few words about his granddad and it brought tears to all our eyes. A beautiful goodbye to a beautiful man.
I hope you live the rest of your life with happy thoughts and memories, That is what I am going to try to do. Our men deserve that as they made us so happy.
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Hi glad things went well for you relatively speaking of course. It can be very comforting at least on that day if we feel that we have done our relative proud. it is good to see all their friends and relatives about for support and comfort I know that is how I felt at my dads. And it does make a major difference. I am glad you felt comforted that is the most important thing isn’t it and we take that were we can get it. (My own sign made me feel better then but it was a different type of thing and only because I used to have synesthesia. I haven’t had anything since my mum passed ) I hope your friends and family continue to give you the love and support you need when you need it Dont feel bad if you need to ask them for support at anytime be proactive and ask, they want to be there for you but don’t always know how its up to you sometimes to tell them… It a good site or more accurately there are a lot of good people here. Take care of yourself. Thinking of you.
Totally agree with you there jonathan. You have such a thoughtful and kind heart.
To Ann and Pattidot. It is really significant when people make what is a truely sad day into such a memorable day which makes us proud to have been part of the life of the person we loved and that we can grasp a little joy out of the darkest day from the light of our memories and it is truely the people who do these jobs and our relatives who contribute who make the difference. I have had the best type of funeral experience and the worst type. and it makes a major difference from a day that you can cherish as part of your relatives life or a day that you wish you could forget. Also Ann both your grandsons where so brave and did their granddad and you proud.
Take care all of you.
Thank you Meebee. Yes they certainly did, bless them
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Hi there
Yes you are so right very wise words. I had no idea what I was doing, never having arranged a funeral before but I did want it to be a celebration of my husbands life. He wasn’t a man for making a fuss or being the centre of attention but he was a singer and he sang for us (CD of course). I felt an overwhelming sense of pride. This was my husband who I adored. A good kind man and everyone said what a lovely ceremony it was. It made a terrible situation more bearable.
Pat xx
That is great that your husband was a talented singer and that you could make that part of the day and share your pride with everyone. One of the other guys on here put his wife singing on youtube with a photo as his way of remembering it was lovely way to share with friends and family and he put a link on here. It is wonderful though that you do have a CD that you can carry forward and listen to whenever you need to hear his voice. It is these things that make everything so much more bearable. Little videos or photos or recordings that you can drop into and remember. Sometimes I think the families of actors are so lucky because when their relative dies they have all these films or recordings to watch and carry on down the generations. Obviously they acting another character and not being themselves but just to hear their voice and see them on the screen it must be very difficult but also very comforting. I myself cannot bring myself to watch a John Wayne film as in some ways he was so like my dad in looks and demeanor but my dad was more of a quiet man. And yet I want to. Thinking of you. Take care.
Hi there
I can listen to his voice with the CD but I still find it very hard. I have no idea how actors family manage to watch them on screen. Could be unbearable or comforting.
Afraid I could never put Brian on YouTube or post a photograph of him as he would hate it. My husband was a very quiet private man. It was hard to believe he was capable of fronting a band for so many years.
That is so cool that he was in a band. Wow. It is a weird phenomenon about being on a stage because you get to have this stage persona and it carries you through. I did acting a lot when I was younger but because of bullying I was a very shy person. But when I was on stage I wasn’t me I was this character I had this professional persona for a little while it was very freeing and such fun at the time. I am too scared to do that now and i don’t have the skillset anymore but I still understand the mindset of being quiet and shy and being outgoing on stage. Do you know that Freddie Mercury was the same he was very shy off stage if you watch some of his early interviews but on stage wow he was such a showman.