Hello,
My mum passed 26th March 2022, she had vascular dementia, and was bedridden for the last 6/9 months of her life. I was with mum when she passed away. It was heartbreaking to see her go. I know mum is now with my dad and mum would be chatting away telling my dad everything on what we all doing. It’s getting closer to 2 yr anniversary.
I have these dreams about mum and the last dream mum was near me and it was mums funeral. It felt strange and I woke up crying out loud. The last dream I was convinced that mum was alive. I could see her in my dream, it makes me so sad. I just don’t know what to do, I try so hard to put a smile on my face and carry on as usual with family. I haven’t cried much since she has gone, I feel as if I’m drowning and I get stop myself. I feel so lost, lonely I feel like getting in the car and drive away somewhere so no one knows where I am. I have always been the strong one in the family supporting everyone else through their grief and family life arguments. My family does look after me but I don’t like them see how I actual feel about lots of things and when I put a fake smile, pretend to be all good when I’m actually feel drowning and no way out. I got a songs on my iPad which reminds of my childhood and I feel so sad.
Sorry if I babble on I just need help.
Hello @Jolly1,
Thank you for reaching out. I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum. You are not alone. Many of our members describe dreaming about their loved ones. You might find it comforting to read some of their threads, like this one by @Pandaprincess, who has also lost her mum.
It sounds like you’ve been trying so hard to be strong for other people. You deserve care and support, too. 
Please keep reaching out. If you think a space just for you to explore your grief could be helpful, Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
Take good care,
Seaneen
Hi @Jolly1,
My mom passed 3 years this April, 
, sorry to hear your struggling so much. Sending hugs of support.
I have been having a lot of dreams about my mom on & off, they seem to come in phases. I remember the very first dream I had, about a week after mom passed, she came to me & she told me that when she died, there was a little man called Colin & he was there to talk to her about her life, & why she did the thing she did, treated people the way she did.
I have no real way of knowing whether it was really mom talking to me in my dream, or something subconscious in my mind, maybe just wanting to know she was ok. Some of my dreams have been so strange, others comforting, some make me cry, some I wish she was there for a hug, but lately I feel like she’s trying to tell me something.
I think a lot of us are familiar with putting on a smile & saying we’re ok when we’re not, but it’s ok to not be ok sometimes, if you don’t want to talk to family, there are always people here, on this forum, I’ve always found people on here to be very kind & supportive.
I think for a lot of people, me included, spent the first year on autopilot, & when I finally came out of it, that’s when it all hit me, 
she was gone, I had lost my safety net, my support, the world changed, & I cried a lot, but I take it a day at a time.
The thing I’ve learned from my mom’s death, no-one knows how long they have, so focus on what matters most, live every day as if it’s your last, & never let fear stop you. I’m sure our loved ones are with us in spirit, & they want us to be happy.