Hi guys I’ve been having a really bad day today spent most of the day in bed crying my eyes out Iits been six months since the love of my life was cruelly taken away. From me I think sometimes I’m dealing with it but then other days I’m a total mess again I can’t get over the fact that I’m never going to see him again I can’t bear that thought it’s killing me im fed up with people saying times a great healer but it hasn’t been for me I’m in exactly the same frame of mind as if it were only yesterday I keep thinking why how could this happen there was so many things we never got to do I’m so heartbroken and lonely without him I’d give my soul to the devil himself if I could just be with him again and tell him how much I loved him he was my absolute everything and I don’t want to carry on without him the silence every day if deafening I don’t see the point in anything anymore I just want him to come bk he showed me real love something I’d never had he showed me a life I loved with him and now my whole world has come crashing down and I’ll never be the same again I wish I could go to him because I feel my life’s not worth living anymore thanx guys for listening big hugs to everyone feeling like this xxx
@Sonya24 so sorry you’re having a bad day. I’m only 9 weeks on this journey but it is hard! I had a few days when things seemed a bit better but today was awful and felt like I was back to the start. Sending hugs
I am so so sorry i too feel exactly like you i have only recently lost my hubby of 49yrs i have been with himsince i was seventeen and he was my whole life we have one daughter and two grandsons she is amazing as are they but it is not my hubby and my heart has been ripped out i can’t imagine life without him he was my rock our home is not the same i can’t call his name knowing he’d answer I’ll never feel his warm strong hugs and soft sweet kisses i dread the thought of my first Christmas without him and our birthdays mine being boxing day i will miss him every second of every day i have cried uncontrollably and ask myself why and how can i go on all i want is to be with him so no i can’t say this will ever get better but we must cope as best we can and hope and pray that time may heal so my dear friend i truly hope you take comfort in this forum and know we are all walking the same lonely path and we can call on one another to vent are feelings how ever you want sending love and hugs to you 
x
Oh @Sonya24
I do get you !!! We have days where we function but still not ok , we just get good at pretending but inside the pain in still there inside of us
It’s such a painful journey & one I cannot wait to come to an end 
Big hugs xxx
I am 10 weeks into the worst experience i have ever had. My wife died age 60 from breast cancer after a 3 year fight. I have been reading the sad experiences of the people on this forum and can relate to every single word. It’s almost as if I’d written the feelings that everyone is describing. I cannot say that I’m coping, I’m just existing, day to day. We have 2 teenage children and they are the only reason I’m even trying. I feel like every day is an indescribable form of torture. I have never felt a physical pain like this one. Everything, as I’ve read a hundred times, is pointless. I can’t take any joy out of anything. I have 5 children, 6 grandchildren, 2 siblings, both parents still alive and they have all been brilliantly supportive, but once they’ve " done their bit" ( i know that sounds ungrateful!) I’m left feeling worse than before as they leave and there’s nobody to talk to about the day. The loneliness is indescribably heartbreaking. I can be in a room full of people and still feel alone, it’s crazy. I find myself looking around for her only to realise she’s never going to be there. I also find myself resenting everyone for having a normal life and getting to do all the boring, normal stuff that i can’t any more with their partners. People making plans to do something or go somewhere, especially on a whim, annoy the hell out of me and i get really resentful which isn’t my nature. I just hate being reminded of what I’ve lost. My wife and I never argued which i know some may find hard to believe, but we didn’t. I have never experienced love as deep as with her, we were in every respect soul mates. That’s not me idealising our relationship, we really were made for each other and loved each other unconditionally. I’ve run all the gambit of emotions and the steps that everyone seems to be going through, the anger, the bargaining, the questioning why her, swapping places, wanting to be where she is and the rest of the mindblowing things you experience and whilst it is a cold comfort setting that i am not alone or going mad in these thoughts and feelings is a small comfort. I don’t ever expect at this moment that i will ever get over it, but hope that one day i find enough peace to cope with my grief and hope that everyone who i see in the same position makes it through… somehow.
I feel exactly the same as your feeling its killing me i dont want to be without him ,i miss him so much my heart is broken i never thought i could find love again he made me complete i cant see a way forward.
I get you. 11 weeks today for me since my life was shattered into a million pieces . Bry was 58, I’m 53 and the thought of going in without him is unbearable. I too am just existing , i plod on but inside all I want is for what happened to Bry happens to me. I he to bed hoping that the day has been my final day.
Yesterday was tough & I thought about just ending it all. Luckily I have a friend who is single & been amazing !!! Without her I think I’d already be gone.
Our journeys & existence is just so bloody painful & life is unfair !!!
Sending hugs xx
Hi, I think most if not all people on this forum could just cut everybody’s message and paste them into ours. We all feel the same. Life is a struggle, days are long, nights are long. What I would say is that we all have ,Partners, wives, husbands, that were loved and they loved us. If this wasn’t the case we wouldn’t be feeling the pain we do. I know this isn’t going to change anything. But I’m sure our love will carry on in our hearts for as long as we are alive.
I feel your pain, it’s absolutely shit, it’s like being on the scariest roller coaster you can’t get off.
My husband drove to Oxford from Newcastle upon Tyne for work one evening, he rang when he arrived at 10.56pm and said goodnight. When I sent a text the following morning, which he didn’t answer, I knew something was wrong. After leaving it till nearly midday, I then ring the local police, this followed by my local Police driving down the street and I was informed he had been found dead in bed by the air bnb people that morning. I am beyond devastated - after only burying my father 12 weeks previously 
I am so sorry for what you have and are going through i also resonate with the sudden almost unbelievable situation you find yourself dealing with my heart goes out to you for all you’ve been through and i hope you find comfort and support here sending love and prayers to you xx
Welcome to all our nightmares. I feel your pain as well. That was an awful introduction into our world. It’s a world I wouldn’t wish on anybody, but as you will see there are an awful lot of us. I wish I could say it will get better, for some it might, for me and lots more it won’t. My advice for what it’s worth, do what you can for yourself as your mind is in turmoil. Be aware that the days will go slow, the nights slower and the demons come calling at anytime. It’s a bad, sad, and painful time, and probably will always be. Having said this I wish you some peace . Take care Stefan.
My thoughts are with you. I’m so sorry for your double loss.
My story sounds somewhat similar.
I said goodbye to my fiancé on the Wednesday teatime (in Oxford where he lived) and was due to meet him the following teatime for a meal in Rugby with family. Didn’t get any response the next day but then got a call from his sister at 5pm to say he had been found dead. a shock is an understatement!!! The police rang me to question where I had been but as I wasn’t next of kin, they didn’t come to see me.
Our wedding was due to be the following day so I then had to cancel everything.
At least the last words were goodbye.
I can’t delete his final WhatsApp with only one tick - it is too final.
I feel so sad and lonely the emptiness and heartache is unbearable, I love my gorgeous funny handsome husband so so much, he collapsed in front of me and I tried to do cpr on him and the paramedics came and got a pulse so I thought he was going to be okay, the hospital said he’d got a weak heart and all the time it was brain damage that had occurred that took him away- they must have known he wasn’t going to wake up and they let us sit by his bedside holding his hand and loving him thinking he was going to come back to us. My heart is broken and I can’t imagine how my life is going to be without him with me and all I want is to be with him I can’t see the point in anything and don’t want to spend the rest of my life on my own.
Hi [ClareB1962,
Welcome to the community and I’m so so sorry for your loss.
This has helped me so much as although we all have our own stories of loss. We are all in the same boat and can relate to the grief and loss.
It’s so hard imagining life going forward but I’m trying to remember and be thankful for the years We have had.
How long is it since your husband passed away ?
Oh my goodness, I’m so very sorry to read your story I thought finding Bry in the morning was bad but since then I have thought what if it happened when he was away , in his van , when I was away so I really do feel your pain.
Sending you a huge hug 
Thank you for reaching out to me, it’s 7 long weeks since Paul collapsed and 6 weeks since he faded away- I’m heartbroken and sitting here typing this with tears rolling down my face. Paul’s funeral is another week away and I’m trying not to think about that awful day that’s looming, I can’t stop crying now so just don’t know how I’m going to get through that day. Wish I could just go to sleep and wake up with him again, the loneliness is unbearable.
Bless you im burying my paul tomorrow after a traumatic death he was only 61 and im in my 50s i cant even think about my life without him when we had so many plans,i miss him so much and although i have good support i feel so alone.im dreading tomorrow as i know it will be my final goodbye to the man i love so much and im on my own without him.I cant stop thinking about him and crying all the time the pain is unbearable 
How awful for you my love - your whole lives ahead. Paul and I had 31years together, though he worked away from home most of it. We were working out our retirement - our last child had just left home and we had only 5 days alone together!! It’s been 18 weeks today and it feels worse, thanks for answering. It’s easier to talk with people who understand. I sending love and hugs to you 
It’s so hard isn’t it? I’m 16 weeks in. I was dreading the funeral but got through it. I still forget he isn’t here sometimes then I remember!
I think it’s normal to want to go to sleep and not wake up. Also crying all the time. It is grief and life will never be the same.
I’m finding I have better days where I’m only crying when I’m triggered and at night.
My thoughts are with you xx