Believe me you are no mouse, you are someone who has lost your soulmate, grief is hard and lasts and lasts, but I am told it will pass
3 Likes
One of my interests is following missing persons cases and I often think how the hell do you live with that? Not knowing what has happened to them, if they have been murdered? Will they ever turn up? Keith Bennettās ( moors murder), mum went to her grave not knowing where her sonās body is, not being able to say goodbye and lay him to rest, it makes me in my own grief feel humble
4 Likes
They say that theres always someone more worse off than you, to be honest i couldnāt imagine feeling worse than i do right now, im struggling to keep my head above water.
But saying that i do have sympathy for people who have just disappeared but then isnāt that what my Jane done i know where her ashes are but i still dont and never will know where jane has gone, some people say a higher plane but im not so sure. I just wish i could hold her and cuddle her 
6 Likes
@Narna
Sending you a big hug, just take one step at a time, hour by hour, day by day. Itās all any of us can do
2 Likes
Thank you sarlyn
Yeah thats all we can do take each day as a little bit further along than yesterday.
Its such a horrible place to be this grief is all consuming me
3 Likes
Same here , so sad , wonder what the point is xx tried to sort out everything with marts family from Southern Ireland , organised everything they wanted , thought Iād blocked everyone whoās been so cruel but forgot one of his sons girlfriends and now Iām a mean person ( I asked for ex wife of 20 years ) not to be at last 5 mins ( marts request ) his sons day I have no consciousness and Iām cruel ( didnāt see any family when I looked after him with pancreatic cancer for last 5 years ) been living with each other in south wales for 16 years . Iām now close to giving up , sick of the pain , lack of acceptance and the absolute devastating pain of missing him 24/7 . I want to be with him so so much x
5 Likes
@Narna
It wonāt be like this forever, just ride the waves for now x
2 Likes
I too hate the bank holiday weekends. Every weekend is an ordeal but I try to keep busy seeing family etc. But bank holiday weekends most family and friends have their own plans and itās harder to find things to keep me occupied and stop thinking/feeling about this awful life we now have to struggle with every day. Sending love to all of us on this path that we never chose 
6 Likes
Just had similar message from my mum, saying its a lovely sunny day and am i going to sit in the sun and enjoy it!!!
And reminded me im going back to work in 2 weeks am i looking forward to it.
I know my mum is just trying to help and talk about mundane stuff but for goodness sake im slowly drowning here and cant see past the next day and ive already told her i cant enjoy this nice weather anymore as janes not here to enjoy it with me
4 Likes
Just heartbreaking
Today I felt ok ish Still cannot believe Iām saying that . Now though I feel awful again & my heart is pounding out of my chest 
4 Likes
ā¦mine tooā¦x
2 Likes
Iām 7 months in and the last few days have been horrendous. It feels like your insides are screaming in pain. I canāt actually find another way of describing it. Itās a real restless feeling that has no cure.
3 Likes
@PollyjaneW
I broke down in the shower of all places, decided id gone long enough without showering and was enjoying it until i remembered how jane would sneek into bathroom and go Boo!!! The otherside of the shower curtain and scare me senseless lol then the tears and sobbing followed because i realised its never going to happen again, why is it the small things that our partners done are the ones that are upsetting the mostā:broken_heart:
5 Likes
1 Like
I know that feeling well & it is so difficult to explain but think on here we all know xxx
1 Like
I know . I could never have a shower in peace . Bry was always there saying that & Iād flick water at him so he would sod off - itās all those little special memories that hurt the most .
He used to play with my hair when we watched tv or I should my foot at him asking him to squeeze it , them moments were āour timeā after all the chores were done .
Hate it xx
2 Likes
Totally agree with everything you have all said, even the shower ābooā.
I thought I was doing well today. A quick meet up with the family, a few phone calls but then tonight Iāve lost it again. Floods of tears and hating my life. I wish someone could help us see some way out of this. It feels like one step forward, two steps back.
3 Likes
Dear Narna, We were always holding hands watching TV, at the cinema, at night, etc. The small little things will make us cry unexpectedly. It is nice to have good memories but it is also a curse at the same time. Hugs from Anna
3 Likes
No-one can take away the wonderful memories we have of our lost partners but sometimes it is those memories that trigger the tears, the sadness the depression & that lost feeling.
It is now 5 weeks since my partner passed & in some ways I am fortunate that I had the last year with him while he went through aggressive treatment in the hope for the cure, I nursed him until the end & did get to say goodbye but it really doesnāt make it any easier. Losing a partner is the worst pain that I have ever experienced & feel for everyone on here in the same position as everyday is a challenge in one way or another
11 Likes
Hello everyone
I just resonate with so much of what you all say, and understand.
Especially all the bits about the weather and the sunshine. When spring was just coming I actually thought that I would punch the next person who said to me Springs coming, that will make you feel better. And now people want to say, the sunās shining, that will make you feel better. WHAT DONāT THEY GET!!! our beloved husbands/wifeās/partners in crime/soul mates and best best friends are still dead. The sun shining doesnāt change that or make it any easier. Mostly just harder cos of what we are all missing. And no we donāt need bloody texts telling us the sun is shining!!!
So grateful to have found this website where we can share feelings and thoughts with others who āget itā
Virtual hugs to you all 
10 Likes