@Cathphil you couldn’t have put it better. People just don’t understand the impact of losing a partner. They compare it to other relatives which of course is awful but nothing compares to the loss of a partner. I don’t know anyone else personally who has lost a partner so thank goodness for this forum where people truly understand.
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@Cathphil
Oh i really wish people would stop with the lovely day outside, you need to move on, you need to get back to normal, your partner wouldnt want to see you like this txts. Its been 12 weeks and them txts are getting more frequent despite being told its not helping one bit when someone is trying to tell you what you should be doing or they know its hard… they’ve never lost a partner so how do they know how hard it is to carry on when your whole world has collapsed, every day things that they take for granted have gone, they still get to cuddle their partner at night, still get to wake up with their partner besides them, still have someone to share a joke with and most importantly someone that is just there. Almost at the stage of changing my mobile number and telling no-one what the new number is 
Sorry for the rant but as you can probably tell i had one of those moving on txts today 
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Dear Narna, I know what you talking about. Yesterday I passed a neighbour and she asked me how I am. Automatically I said I am fine because she really does not want to know the truth or would understand my despair and loneliness. And explaining how I feel does not help me a bit and opens healing wounds again. So I am saying I am fine what else can I do? Hugs from Anna
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I always say " I’ve been better"…or simply “terrible”…
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We on here all understand the last 14 weeks and 3 days and nights have been hell for me like you. I wish we could have both gone at the same time together in a car crash or something. Now I feel dead inside but functioning on automatic. I understand. dave.
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@Dave13
Thanks Dave, i think exactly the same completely numb and wondering why we couldnt have gone together
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@Annaessex
When im out and someone asks how i am i normally say im ok its just very hard and they say no more about it.
Its very tempting to tell them exactly what im thinking and feeling until they have i wish i hadnt asked look on their face 
Im so thankful that i found this site as its such a release to be able to talk to like minded people going through the same things as me.
Big thanks and hugs to everyone x
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I get you . A friend text me weekend just gone with ‘morning , what a beautiful day’ ( said friend was very close to losing her husband to covid to the point she was told come in - luckily he pulled through )
I wanted to scream , i replied with ‘ not in my world ( I don’t have the same filter as I did )
‘ I know , but we can’t stop the sun from shining ‘
At that point I was 5 weeks into the devastation of losing my gorgeous husband & soulmate !
It’s like they think I’m grief I have gone deaf and blind & cannot see the sun, the butterflies or the lawnmowers going and ‘ couples ‘ getting their gardens ready for cosy summer evenings 
x
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Yes I’ve had the weather text and when I replied to a text the other day saying I’m just existing & not living the reply was ‘ we are all existing in a way ‘
Really ?!
I replied ‘ yes but your existence is happy because you have **** by your side’ 
x
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Exactly what I said to my friend today , about a car crash x
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I find I have 2 types of friends…ones that has been there for me since day one and still check up on me often. Invite me for dinner, lunch and for a walk. They don’t ask how I am as know that I am struggling every day.
I have friends who came to my husband funeral and said that they will be there for me and I hardly hear from them. They will say how are you and I will reply still struggling and missing my hubby and feeling lonely. I’m not going to lie and say I’m ok as I’m not. If they don’t like it and feel uncomfortable then they are not real friends. I struggle with my mum who never mentioned my husband. I often mention his name and she changes the subject right away. Always talks about herself. Never invites my son or myself round for dinner and pops in for 10 mins a week.
If my dad goes before my mum then I won’t be supporting her. Sorry if this sounds harsh but grief does tend to make you hard.
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Hi
I really feel for you
I lost my wife 14 months ago and it’s as raw today as it was then . I didn’t want to be here without her . This last year I have avoided get together , turned down invitations to dinner. I don’t know why as that’s just not me .
But though my emotions are still very raw over the last year I’ve learned to cope day to day and it is a little easier .
I don’t like weekends and certainly not when they are long as the loneliness is awful
I go out and see couples laughing and enjoying being together and it makes me so sad .
But I’m learning to deal . I want to find a friend I can talk to and maybe have a holiday with .
In some respects that’s part of the solution .
But to you I’d say give yourself time . Each day at a time . Small steps . God bless
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All of your comments resonate with me. I lost my darling husband four months ago and it’s just getting harder. I promised him I’d be okay so I’m trying to keep my promise. Im looking after myself and the house is tidy - but everything seems so pointless without him. All I want is to hold his hand or share a joke, on my own I’m lost, nothing gives me any pleasure any more. Hugs to you all
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@Sandyo I know hun I lost my Sue 16 weeks ago tomorrow she passed on the 15 Jan after 43 years together the trouble is I love her more now than ever I can’t help you sorry hun but I do understand dave
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I pray to God every night please send her back just for a short time . I will do anything . But it can never be .
I’m in this house on my own day in day out and it’s lonely , very lonely
But it gets better and I am sure you and me and everyone in the same position will find a way thrrough the pain and the hurt . I think it’ helps to plan things to do . I set about redecorating the house and planning a holiday
All the best
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Hugs to us all having to cope with another long weekend. They are so hard aren’t they.
Just too much time on our own. Thinking. Wishing. Missing. Crying.
I don’t like people telling me I’ve been strong, and I’m doing well. Because I don’t feel like that.
And it annoys me a bit too…like it’s a cop out and what they’re really saying is you’re okay so we don’t have to worry about you.
I don’t want people to worry about me.
I want them to say “we know your not okay but we still love you”
Hugs to you all 
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Struggling today too guys , 3 months yesterday since I lost mart . Everydays hard but for some reason today terrible !! No idea why but the grief today has me on my knees !!! I’d like to swap with him x
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Sending you hugs xx
Rubbish isn’t it. I’m trying to do the the back garden for the first time , Bry will be cursing the way I’m butchering the grass .
Struggling with why today when my mum is just existing with dementia and lost her mobility why Bry when she’s ready to go she’s so tired 
xx
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Struggling this weekend too. I hate weekends at the best of times but bank holiday ones are even worse🥲. Also hate when people ask how you are or say phone me anytime. It’s just lip service. What are you supposed to say? People who really care say I know you’re struggling lets do a,b or c. Or just phone for a chat. Sorry I’m maybe being unfair. But I feel most people now just expect you to be over it and only ask out of politeness.
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I understand that we have an advanced dementia family member , physically fit and mart gone at 58 . I’m wasting my life waiting to go to him I know I am , he said be happy when I’m gone !!! How ? He was and is my happiness . One hour at a time some days , your husband will be glad to see you gardening xxx
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