I cut the grass today and sorted my partners clothes into bags. Not getting rid of them yet, just one step at a time. Was upsetting as his smell was still on one item, it’s been 14 weeks today so wasn’t expecting that!
I’m ok though, well until I look at photos. They used to give me comfort at the beginning, now with a much clearer mind, they give me memories and they hurt !
If it’s not one thing, it’s another.
Dear Ali29, and everyobe
Everything we do, and all the decisions we have to make are so hard and challenging aren’t they.
And we all have personal ways of dealing with things.
I’m just over 8 months in , and I haven’t changed a thing in the house, all my husband’s things are all around the house. Including all his clothes, his shaving stuff etc…
Including all his clothes, I even tidied the wardrobes today, but still folding his clothes etc as if he was still here. I’m wearing lots of his clothes. He wasn’t big, and I’m really quite tiny but I have worn something of his every day since he died. ( Mostly teeshirts, tops jumpers, jackets and his Saints coats (he was a big Southampton fan). There baggy on me but it doesn’t matter.
It makes me feel close to him. And it makes doing the washing bearable, cos I’m still washing his clothes and hanging them to dry.
Maybe not for everyone but it works for me and helps me.
Hugs 
@Ali29
I too today have sorted through a few of his clothes but had to stop as I just couldn’t face it. It hurts too much at the moment. The one thing that is really upsetting me is I can’t hear/remember his voice. I have no idea why?. I have no recordings of his voice as we didn’t do video’s etc and I delete all voicemails after I listen to the message. How can I not remember it? Unless my brain has just blocked it out?
I have been out round to a neighbours as I just cannot be in the house on my own. Even it being nice and sunny has set me off today because we would have been out somewhere nice and I also feel sad he won’t feel the sun on him again. It’s been a long cold winter and he was looking forward to spring/summer.
Trying to stay positive I am going to watch the coronation concert tonight and have a few G&T’s.
Changing the subject did anyone else think Charles looks so old and worn out?
It is a tough thing believe me to say goodbye to a partners clothes which I did but I kept some items back like her dressing gown and her favourite coat and one or two other bits . I have all her jewellry and I’m just not sure what to do with that
As hard as it is , to move on when the time is right , a lot has to go to the charity shop I think
Hi,
It’s probably easier for me to wear by husbands clothes , than for men to wear their wives…
Sorry - maybe not a very pc thing to say!!!
Have you any family, or her friends that might appreciate her jewellery.
My husband only had a wedding ring and a Saint Christopher medal, which I bought for him. I wear the medal, and had his wedding ring made smaller, so I wear that too now.
Take care, And be kind to yourself
This will sound very uncharitable but I couldn’t cope with someone walking around in his clothes so when the time is right for me, I will keep some of his favourites and throw the rest away. He worked hard all his life and I won’t be giving his stuff away especially knowing the types of people who may be wearing them. Sorry if that offends anyone as it’s not meant to
Yes, I haven’t managed them all and have kept some of his favourites in the wardrobe. Your partners voice will come back to you. You may even hear him in a dream one day.
My step daughter couldn’t remember Rich’s voice and she said to me about it. Then a few nights later she heard him, clear as day.
And yes, he looked very tired yesterday. I think the stuff they were wearing is very heavy too. Not that I watched much of it .
Hi, I know what you mean about voices.
I have one video from 12 days before he died. It was a real red letter day as it was the same day a hospital bed was delivered to our house (put up in our front room ) and we had a new puppy…and my friend went with me to collect the puppy and then videod on her phone when we came in to see reaction of our other dog. So it’s an emotional video but very short, and cut short…wish so much now it was longer but you can hear Phil’s voice a bit … So I’m lucky.
And a couple of months ago
had two dreams, two days following each other, with him in it. And the best part of all was we had conversations ( all be it quite weird ones) BUT heard his voice…that was best part of whole dream. I will myself to dream again so I can hear his voice
I hope one day you have a dream where you hear your husbands voice:hugs:
@SP60
Ditto. Mine will eventually go to recycling as opposed to charity. I can’t bear the thought of walking round and seeing someone in his stuff. It would crush me .
I have her wedding ring on a necklace and I am giving a lot to family and friends
It is tough
@Cathphil
How lovely to have those dreams/conversations. I have had signs so I am elated with those, it is just his voice that’s bothering me but when I lost my dad 5 years ago, it took a good while before I heard/remembered his, I also had video’s of dad where he’s talking so that really helped.
I don’t know why we never took video’s…I think because we always had Sam (our dog) with us, so every video, photo’s etc were always of him and his dad or Sam and me. Jim hated his photo taken so I stopped taking them. Jim only passed 9 weeks ago so I think I’m still numb with the shock and everything has been blocked out, maybe my brain protecting me. I have only cried a few times, I know there is a tsunami in there somewhere but it’s not happening yet for whatever reason
Well I’m bloody cursing him !! 
It’s just awful as I really don’t want go do stuff but then it gets you down when you see it needs doing!! 
I know what you mean that’s what is literally getting me through each day hoping tomorr could be my time 
xx
Dear Sarlyn, I am the same like you deleting voice messages immediately. Now I regret that I deleted his last voice message not knowing that it would be his last message on my phone. I also have trouble to remember his voice - I thought I am the only one and it made me feel really bad like I want to erase him from my life. I still have his car in our driveway (still cannot say my driveway) - I want to keep it but on the same token I want to give it to his nephew because I do not drive. I think the battery is already empty because I cannot open the car anymore and the last time the car was driven was at the beginning of February. I gave already clothes away; the clothes I washed and dried the day he died - I could not bear the sight of the shirts and trousers. I know it sounds silly but that is how I felt and am still feeling. I still have his toothbrush and beaker in the bathroom ready to use and his shaver and shaving foam. On the living room table are still his magnifying glass and the tablets. Sending lots of love and hugs to everyone.
@Annaessex
There is no right or wrong way in how we cope/deal with things. It is very individual. Our thoughts are our worst enemy because whatever we do or don’t do we are not happy and beat ourselves up, we have to remember we are not in control of death, it’s the only thing in life we have no choice over. We can only choose how we react to it and then we question everything. I firmly believe there is a reason why they went before us. I have yet to figure it out but I do know looking at my own relationship that I was the stronger one emotionally. I would be interested to know other people’s thoughts on this?
I agree with what you say…but of the two of us I believe my Sandie would emotionally deal with this better than me…she was so good that way…she was very spiritual and when it came to emotional support everybody in her circle turned to her…especially me. Practically she would have had issues …but emotionally she would have dealt better…I wish I could ask her now how to deal with how I’m feeling…how ironic is that…
I too have found the bank holidays so hard- and tomorrow we should have been going to Gran Canaria, its exactly one month since he died suddenly. My husband had some lovely Ralph Lauren, Fred Perry and Gantt polo shirts. My grandsons and my son admired them, so i have said please pick some you love and wear them for him. He would have loved that. They all wore one at his funeral. I still have his tooth brush and shaving stuff in the bathroom. Im not ready to remove them yet. Sending love to everyone with this horrible pain of grief inside.
Sending so much love and hugs to you all.
We are all struggling so much with everything, and on our own…
It is truly so lovely to have these connections with you all…
Although we all have our own unique way of dealing with our pain, we
“get each other”
and that is so beautiful and lovely.
THANK YOU for all your posts 
Hi, sending you big hugs
Must be so difficult that you should have been going on holiday with your beloved. I can’t imagine how hard that must be.
Big hugs
@SP60
Id say me and jane were emotionally stronger together, neither of us was any good alone but together we could take on everything thats why im finding it so hard as my rock has gone and im no good at doing this alone, my emotions are up and down and so unpredictable. When Jane passed i had to give the car back as it was on motorbility so today while walking the dog i saw a car the same as we had and just imagined the times i see her sitting in the car or me picking her up and being so proud to call Jane mine
@Cathphil thank you for understanding. We were so looking forward to some time away together. I feel so sad