Another Long And Lonely Night

Losing a partner
45

This is the second time I’ve been awake so far. I honestly thought it was close to 7am and not 2.30 am.

It is getting ridiculous now, I’ve purposely not gone to bed until very late, and switched everything off including my phone, yet here I am yet again, AWAKE. I’m very tired but still wake up several times a night. I seem to have gone back to square one since Alan’s anniversary last Sunday.

Cant even try to get some sleep later thus morning as in having work carried out in the loft.

I’m fed up of seeing two 3 o,‘clocks each day, not to mention two of every other o’ clocks too

Jen ☆

Jen☆

47

Morning B, thank you for you concern, much appreciated, I decided to get up at 4 am.

My doctor prescribed low dose zopiclone, I stopped taking them a month ago, I did get some sleep with them but only around three hours.

I’ve had sleepless nights since November 2017, but that was down to pain keeping me awake, then post knee replacement surgery in January last year was due to post op recovery. Was more or less having a few hours sleep when Alan was taken into hospital 7th May last year, since then I’ve had sleepless nights constantly. It was worse just after he passed away. Whilst he was in hospital I was there every day 8am until 9pm, sometimes I sat with him all night too. Since then I’ve tried going to bed early, well not really early as Ada needs to do her circuit around the garden before she finally goes to sleep. I’ve tried staying up extra late. Sometimes I’ve fallen asleep on the sofa and woke around 1am.

Tried horlics, ovaltine too. Even cut caffeine after 7pm. I used to .meditate a great deal before Alan passed away, but my mind is too noisy and busy for me to quieten it. I also used to do a lot of adult colouring again not since Alan left, likewise with my knitting, although I have recently picked that up again.

When you mentioned googling nightime drinks etc, you jogged my memory, I used to listen to some relaxation videos on you tube by Jerry and Esther Hicks - Getting into the Vortex, I may see if they will help quieten my mind.

Thank you so much

Blessings
Jen☆

48

Dear Jen

So sorry you are not sleeping - it is so draining. I do sleep but wake very early and then the thoughts start whirling round - so in the end just get up. But I am nowhere near as bad as you are - you must feel exhausted.
I hope they get the loft done early and you can sit with a cup of tea later and maybe doze on the sofa. Even a cat nap helps a little. Reading always sends me off - but I just cannot read at the moment.
I am off to the bank later - and doing some flower pots for my son’s girlfriend for the balcony of their new flat. Still have not tackled the tip in the corner of the bedroom - but my daughter is here so we may just go and do a bit of shopping. Filling the day with mindless stuff so I try not to think too much.
Take care
Trisha x

49

Evening Trisha, thank you for your concern, really appreciate it.

they finally finished about 6pm. I’m making myself something to eat now. Feeling quite tired but have things to put away, plus they did clear away after themselves, but of a fashion so I’ve the landing and stairs to clean plus the sideboard under the stairs, have open plan open tread stairs. Will take me ages as I have to rest my right hand after having steroid injection in the base of my thumb yesterday afternoon.

Hope to get some sleep tonight. Shattered

Hope you got everything you needed to get sorted today

Blessings
Jen ☆

50

Hi Jen, so sorry about your problems with sleeping, can’t be good for you to not get any proper rest. I had this problem at first and would put the T.V on (one in the bedroom) I watched all sorts of rubbish in the middle of the night which would eventually send me to sleep. I sleep now but I keep so busy during the day that I’m worn out and usually drop off on the settee. With your knee problem you might not be able to keep on the go all day though. I do however wake up early but that’s OK I get up and go out with the dogs.
I have been reading about Lavender Pills that are supposed to be very good. There are quite a few natural remedies on the market.
Take care Pat xx

51

Hi Jen

Thank you - yes everything I needed to do is done! and had the whole day out with my daughter. It was nice to treat her to a few things and kept me distracted - more or less all the time we were out as there was no association with my husband who hated shopping. Had a bit of secret cry when we got home - but think that is going to happen for a long time. It was only because I was with her that I did not think too hard today. Hopefully you are tired enough to sleep - you had an exhausting day. Agree with Pat watch the most rubbishy things on tv - the boredom may help.
Catch up again tomorrow.
Take care
Trisha x

52

Morning Pat and Trisha,

Thank you so much.

Pat, the thought crossed my mind about watching TV in bed, I may give it a go tonight.

Trisha, pleased your day turned out better than you hoped, sometimes I find being out of the house in the company of certain people does really help to occupy us more than going out alone I think.

I’ve turned into a cracked record - felt really tired by 8pm last night, tidied what I felt like after the blokes finished the loft, and decided to go to bed at 9pm, ada had been staying with our daughter and Winston since last Monday, so I thought I’d go to bed as I felt very tired. By midnight, I was still trying to sleep, at one point I cried so much, I felt sure I’d cry myself to sleep, it didn’t happen, I got up made another hot drink, read a little, couldn’t write in my journal due to the steroid injection and hand splint, took ages to finally drop off, woke just after 3, was going to get up and continue with these reports then myst have dropped off again only to wake 4.25. Finally waking 6am.

If I can go to bed so early feeling tired, (remembered one of my gran’s sayings - an hour before midnight is worth 2 hours after), and still not fall asleep, then if it happens tonight, I am going to relent and take one of these sleeping pills, I really cannot continue with very little or no sleep. I’m back at the doctor’s next week for my monthly check up, I’ll mention all this then, not that he’ll be able to offer any alternative advice or solutions.

I may try the meditation process that i was reminded of through reading Bristles’ post yesterday. Need a quiete mind though and mine is full of thoughts. Once I can hold a pen/pencil I’m going to resume my adult colouring every night again, in the past that relaxed me and helped to quieten my mind.

In the meantime, another busy day, and I’ll see what this evening brings.

Thank you do much everyone for your support. I wish you all a better day today than yesterday.

Congratulations Trisha on getting everything completed yesterday.

Blessings
Jen☆

53

Good morning Jen
I am so sorry you had yet another sleepless night - you must feel so desperate. I think you are doing everything you can so maybe relent and take a pill - if you take it for one night you do not have to take it again the next. I would try the tv though - there is one shopping channel that runs the night … I have used it before when worried about something and unfortunately been known to buy the odd thing… all of which were completely useless . The other thing my mother did was she used to leave LBC on so it was just the background of people talking - again sometimes rubbish but it helped her. Gary and I used to listen to it in bed sometimes - years ago when he had trouble sleeping. I was always the one that could fall asleep on a washing line as the saying goes. He used to be a terrible work worrier.
My daughter and I are driving over to my son’s today - a pretty awful drive round the North circular - or I may choose to go through the centre of london - either way it takes a couple of hours to drive about 20 miles.
Now before I go I am going to empty some of the flower vases out. I thought I loved cut flowers - but I have had enough of them.
I hope you at least have a restful day and your hand does not cause you too much pain.
Take care
Trisha xx

54

Thank you Trisha, shall message you ☆