Another evening alone stretching out in front of me, feeling desperate to talk to someone but there isn’t anyone I can call, I’ll go to bed and wake up at 2am and that’s me awake for the day, I don’t know how many times I can do this, I went to the drs today hoping for a miracle but what can they do, what can anyone do.
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It’s very early days for you,just go with the flow and sleep when you can and eat when you can.We were the same never needed anyone else we were happy just to be together and I have no close family.Now I go weeks without speaking to anyone except on the phone and people in the supermarket it’s a lonely life but I have learned to fill my days in with hobbies and my interests
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I know just how you feel. It was my 53rd wedding anniversary today. Its been a long emotional day, i had early doctors appointment and saw the lovely nurse practitioner, she even had a mug of tea waiting for me. We chatted and sorted out medical things and how im feeling, shes going to refer me to a grief counsellor. My friend came this afternoon, shes come to see me every week. I had a special meal with my son who lives with me to remember my husband and my anniversary. I found some old poems my Alan wrote me when we were teenagers at school together, im 73 now and the memories came flooding back. Yes the days are very long, they used to fly by when Alan was here. I wake at 2 as well but most of the time i go back to sleep, its when i wake at 4 to go to the loo i cant always go back to sleep. Hope you can get more rest. I take Kalms night aboutvan hour before bedtime that works, or also you can get Rescue remedy. Hugs to you xxx
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So sorry i hear your pain… you can call a bereavement line instant them in the early days quite a few times it was nice having someone just listen… I must of repeated what happened loads of times but they were there to listen when I had no one else to speak to… all the dr offered were sleeping pills I didn’t want them so I did deep
Breathing before bed… I still wake up at 3 am every day staring into space in disbelief he is gone… he passed away last July… I try and fill my days… eat when I’m hungry, cry when it comes where ever I am… be kind to you…
I remember feeling incredibly numb at the beginning in denial, angry at life, loss, anxiety, depression… I still feel some of those things and I miss him like mad often wish I had gone first… we are all hear for each other
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I agree. My partner died of a stroke 8 months ago quiet unexpectedly. I have no family. I have one or two friends who popped round often soon after it happened but now I often do not speak to them for days. I suffer from depression which is particularly bad when I wake up in the early hours. I have a sister who keeps telling me to go to the doctors which is her answer to everything but I do not want to take medication. My depression was bad this morning I wish it would stop. I just cannot stop crying. This depression is not only about losing my partner but about fear of living on my own (I am 75). They say that mental health problems can affect your physical health and that is true. I get more aches and pains that I had before. I did have some councelling but it only helped in the short term. The depression still comes back. It is nice to know that I am not alone but I do not know what the answer is.
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Feel the same, wish it had been me, all these overwhelming emotions it is so scary. Big hug for you
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The issue I have with “wishing it was me” is that, if that was so, our partners would be the ones (hopefully) going through this pain and grief, and would we want that for them?
I am not criticising anyone who has that view, but interested in other people’s views on this…
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My husband said to me a few years ago, that he hoped he went first because he knew he wouldn’t be able to cope without me being there. Well it came true!! I know he wouldn’t have coped, i didnt realise the excruciating pain and sadness with losing your beloved soul mate, lover and comforter. He didnt have a lot of confidence so i did a lot to help him, with finances and i used to joke about being his nurse, counsellor, secretary, chauffeur etc. I didnt mind at all because i loved him so much. So yes i wouldnt wish it was him living and me dying. I must say as im sure a lot on here would say i wish we could have gone together, i sometimes hope i dont wake up so i can join him!! My family and friends would be devastated 
. So im trapped here for how long?
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I’m glad my partner went first too,I wouldn’t want him to be going through what I’m going through and I can probably cope better than he could with the everyday stuff.I only thought yesterday I wish we had gone together.
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100% I wish we had gone together
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Same here, although iwonder how I’m going to get through this, or if I ever will.
My husband really wouldnt have coped. I think the answer was to go together although then my family would have been doubly devastated. I’m afraid when you love the way we all did someone is going to be heartbroken in the end.
We’re all on this dreadful journey but with love and support maybe we’ll learn to cope
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Hi, I lost my partner in January. It was unexpected. My days seem so long. Does everything seem surreal. I am just going through the motions every day
I lost my husband at the end of February after a short unexpected illness. We didn’t have time to process the news before he died 6 weeks later. Its 7 weeks tomorrow and I dont feel that I’m getting any further on this journey. Since the funeral last week my grief seems to have started again.
I feel so lost and don’t know how to move forward. I am lucky that I do have support from family and friends, but that doesn’t stop the lonliness and the turmoil I feel inside. I’m trying to keep busy and I try to go out somewhere every day, usually to the local shops just to get out. But the worst thing is going home to an empty house. No one can help with that.
I dread waking up in the morning because it seems to hit me all over again. I’m totally heartbroken and really don’t know how to move forward. I guess I’m lonely
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I guess my view is from my own personal experience I’m finding it hard to cope because I have lost not only my soulmate of 33 years I lost my dad when I was 21 and my mum to awful malignant melanoma and watched her suffer in the end… of course I wouldn’t want my partner to suffer but I do believe he would have coped a lot easier than me.
Never really thought about it but if I had , I’d have said I would have coped better , but then again I probably cried about 4 or 5 times in the last 40 years and now it’s 4 or 5 times a day , all my confidence has evaporated and I even feel anxious doing things I used to do all the time . Just feel empty and totally distant constantly, so I guess my point is even if we think we would cope better until we are actually in this situation we don’t really know .
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I when through the same thing and still do. I get 2 hours 20 minutes sleep a night. Its been 18 months now, i still get upset every time i talk about my wife, but talking help you get it out, i talk to my community treatment team once a week, i’ve been working with them for about a year, give it a try, its good to talk.
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I can’t say how you will feel in a
Few months or more as we all experience grief at a slightly different pace… crying is a good release it may not seem like it, but a few people have mentioned it’s part of the healing process of grief… I lost my partner 9 months ago and I’m feeling guilty that I’m not crying every day… I’m making sure I’m kept busy but I’m finding it hard to imagine life alone again… we were together 33 years and met when I was 25… I lost both my parents in there early 60s so grief isn’t knew to me but I had my partner to comfort me then…
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Something that helps me to sleep better is getting out in the fresh air, if you can. A short walk walk or a bit of weeding/pottering outside makes a real difference.
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I get out in the fresh air when the weather permits pottering around and weeding in the garden really relaxes me and I also sleep better then.
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I try to get out everyday, even a walk to the local shops helps. Then when the weather allows I too potter in the garden. I’ve taken up knitting again to try and keep my mind elsewhere
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