Another evening alone stretching out in front of me, feeling desperate to talk to someone but there isn’t anyone I can call, I’ll go to bed and wake up at 2am and that’s me awake for the day, I don’t know how many times I can do this, I went to the drs today hoping for a miracle but what can they do, what can anyone do.
10 Likes
It’s very early days for you,just go with the flow and sleep when you can and eat when you can.We were the same never needed anyone else we were happy just to be together and I have no close family.Now I go weeks without speaking to anyone except on the phone and people in the supermarket it’s a lonely life but I have learned to fill my days in with hobbies and my interests
4 Likes
I know just how you feel. It was my 53rd wedding anniversary today. Its been a long emotional day, i had early doctors appointment and saw the lovely nurse practitioner, she even had a mug of tea waiting for me. We chatted and sorted out medical things and how im feeling, shes going to refer me to a grief counsellor. My friend came this afternoon, shes come to see me every week. I had a special meal with my son who lives with me to remember my husband and my anniversary. I found some old poems my Alan wrote me when we were teenagers at school together, im 73 now and the memories came flooding back. Yes the days are very long, they used to fly by when Alan was here. I wake at 2 as well but most of the time i go back to sleep, its when i wake at 4 to go to the loo i cant always go back to sleep. Hope you can get more rest. I take Kalms night aboutvan hour before bedtime that works, or also you can get Rescue remedy. Hugs to you xxx
3 Likes
I agree. My partner died of a stroke 8 months ago quiet unexpectedly. I have no family. I have one or two friends who popped round often soon after it happened but now I often do not speak to them for days. I suffer from depression which is particularly bad when I wake up in the early hours. I have a sister who keeps telling me to go to the doctors which is her answer to everything but I do not want to take medication. My depression was bad this morning I wish it would stop. I just cannot stop crying. This depression is not only about losing my partner but about fear of living on my own (I am 75). They say that mental health problems can affect your physical health and that is true. I get more aches and pains that I had before. I did have some councelling but it only helped in the short term. The depression still comes back. It is nice to know that I am not alone but I do not know what the answer is.
10 Likes
Feel the same, wish it had been me, all these overwhelming emotions it is so scary. Big hug for you
3 Likes
The issue I have with “wishing it was me” is that, if that was so, our partners would be the ones (hopefully) going through this pain and grief, and would we want that for them?
I am not criticising anyone who has that view, but interested in other people’s views on this…
1 Like
My husband said to me a few years ago, that he hoped he went first because he knew he wouldn’t be able to cope without me being there. Well it came true!! I know he wouldn’t have coped, i didnt realise the excruciating pain and sadness with losing your beloved soul mate, lover and comforter. He didnt have a lot of confidence so i did a lot to help him, with finances and i used to joke about being his nurse, counsellor, secretary, chauffeur etc. I didnt mind at all because i loved him so much. So yes i wouldnt wish it was him living and me dying. I must say as im sure a lot on here would say i wish we could have gone together, i sometimes hope i dont wake up so i can join him!! My family and friends would be devastated 
. So im trapped here for how long?
5 Likes
I’m glad my partner went first too,I wouldn’t want him to be going through what I’m going through and I can probably cope better than he could with the everyday stuff.I only thought yesterday I wish we had gone together.
4 Likes
100% I wish we had gone together
5 Likes
Same here, although iwonder how I’m going to get through this, or if I ever will.
My husband really wouldnt have coped. I think the answer was to go together although then my family would have been doubly devastated. I’m afraid when you love the way we all did someone is going to be heartbroken in the end.
We’re all on this dreadful journey but with love and support maybe we’ll learn to cope
6 Likes
Hi, I lost my partner in January. It was unexpected. My days seem so long. Does everything seem surreal. I am just going through the motions every day
1 Like
I lost my husband at the end of February after a short unexpected illness. We didn’t have time to process the news before he died 6 weeks later. Its 7 weeks tomorrow and I dont feel that I’m getting any further on this journey. Since the funeral last week my grief seems to have started again.
I feel so lost and don’t know how to move forward. I am lucky that I do have support from family and friends, but that doesn’t stop the lonliness and the turmoil I feel inside. I’m trying to keep busy and I try to go out somewhere every day, usually to the local shops just to get out. But the worst thing is going home to an empty house. No one can help with that.
I dread waking up in the morning because it seems to hit me all over again. I’m totally heartbroken and really don’t know how to move forward. I guess I’m lonely
5 Likes
Never really thought about it but if I had , I’d have said I would have coped better , but then again I probably cried about 4 or 5 times in the last 40 years and now it’s 4 or 5 times a day , all my confidence has evaporated and I even feel anxious doing things I used to do all the time . Just feel empty and totally distant constantly, so I guess my point is even if we think we would cope better until we are actually in this situation we don’t really know .
2 Likes
I when through the same thing and still do. I get 2 hours 20 minutes sleep a night. Its been 18 months now, i still get upset every time i talk about my wife, but talking help you get it out, i talk to my community treatment team once a week, i’ve been working with them for about a year, give it a try, its good to talk.
3 Likes
Something that helps me to sleep better is getting out in the fresh air, if you can. A short walk walk or a bit of weeding/pottering outside makes a real difference.
3 Likes
I get out in the fresh air when the weather permits pottering around and weeding in the garden really relaxes me and I also sleep better then.
1 Like
I try to get out everyday, even a walk to the local shops helps. Then when the weather allows I too potter in the garden. I’ve taken up knitting again to try and keep my mind elsewhere
3 Likes
Ooh, good idea. I have got some half finished knitting somewhere.
1 Like
It might help, it gives you something to do.
Its strange I’ve been wishing so hard to dream of my husband, but thats not happening , but last night I dreamed of my knitting!!
3 Likes
Mine has only visited once in my dreams. He snuggled in like he used to and said he had come with a message. I don’t know what the message was. I don’t usually remember dreams.
2 Likes