Maybe the message will come later. Oh how I wish I could dream of him, I miss him so much. I went for a long walk today along by the sea, but then I ended up in tears because he wasn’t with me. Does this ever get easier? I feel really down again today
2 Likes
I don’t know. I hope so. I wasn’t thinking about him when he suddenly ‘appeared’ in my dream. I’m up and down too. Had a couple of down days this week. Absolutely anything can spark tears.
4 Likes
Yes thats me. Trying so hard not to, and then oomph I’m off
You didnt say how long since you lost him.
Not that that seems to matter. I suppose I’ve got to do what people keep saying and just go with it, and not be so hard on myself and not to expect too much.
Oh its so so hard, I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever improve.
Sorry for whingeing, as I said, bad day
3 Likes
Feel the same, I’ve pushed myself to go out for a drive or a walk or cycle, it is hard even going out it somehow feels wrong. But when I come home I feel my wife is there so I speak her name and tell her how much I love her and how much I miss her. I retired but my work has taken me back part time just two days a week it helps having others to speak to but that lonely feeling never leaves. I can be surrounded by people and still feel completely alone. I hope you find some kind of peace.
Ged
3 Likes
So its not just me walking along crying my eyes out. On the whole I dont think people notice, too wrapped up in their own lives. I was probably the same before. Before this nightmare began. Its 7 1/2 weeks now since he left me, should i still be crying so much? But I miss him so much I can’t help it
2 Likes
@Ilovehorses
Oh to feel his arms around me again, telling me everything will be ok. To hear his voice. Anything. We had 42 years together and I dont think I’ll ever get used to life without him.
To find your husband must have been indescribably hard. At least we knew, for 6 weeks, but I don’t think it made it any easier.
I cry so easily, the littlest things set me off
4 Likes
@Ilovehorses
Oh that was so so awful for you. I can understand you’re devastated. I too feel like I dont want to carry on, but like you I have a son and daughter and 5 Granddaughters, and step children and step Grandchildren too. So for them I must carry on. And for Roger , I promised him I’d be ok, thats what will get me through. But its going to be tough and take a long long time
1 Like
So sorry for you loss it do heartbreaking 
i too experienced a terrible ending with my husband after 40 years together Just arrived for Christmas holiday and hrs later he ws away after us going to sleep talking about getting up early to do Christmas shopping ( 23rd December) we only arrived 22nd He ws making strang noise which woke me up then i couldn’t waken him and after running and asking so to help me he passed in front of us so quickly Its so terrible trying to get uour head round everything trying to get him home from spain arranging funeral and now 4 months later its so unreal Honestly can’t understand anything now and don’t want to be here Now even family saying we should be feeling better and honesty don’t want to even see anyone or go anywhere I ws with my husband since 15 and feel do lost and broken can’t think of my life without him We are all living this so empty journey now
3 Likes
Sorry for spelling mistakes im just crying so much
2 Likes
Oh Mia121 what a terrible thing you had to go through. As devastating as my experience has been at least I didnt have to get him home from adroad. We did know, for 6 weeks, but it still hit like a ton of bricks when he died.
Your grief is still new, 4 months after 40 years is nothing so you must grieve as you need to. I’m 8 weeks in after 42 years and I too am broken and lost.
Keep posting here, we are all here for the same reason, and we’ll all support each other
Take care
1 Like
Thankyou Liro for your reply Although im so sad its my son also who seen passing of his dad and even being a adult he should never have had to experience this So glad he decided to come on holiday with us for Christmas as i would have been lost ( it ws our holiday apartment) and we we’re planning to move their after receiving our visas just believe it on Monday before we travelled on the Friday Husband ws so happy thinking about our futures and new life Now everything in limbo and we’ve still to go back and decide whats to be done with it
Also then son had birthday 28th December Everything in this story a nightmare going to open a bottle of wine now after talking about this
1 Like
Youve had a dreadful time, i feel for you. Please take any help and support from your son that you can. We are all with you in this nightmare and you can contact me any time
Enjoy your wine
Thankyou So much for being thete God Bless you too Although truthfully my thinking just now doesn’t give me much comfort You look after yourself
Exactly i know how you feel about never loving someone like that again I’ve been told im still young ( 55) and have my life ahead of me so did my husband(57) but I’ve already had that and it ws great and should still be We now just have to try and dig deep and get strength fro somewhere yo continue like uou I’ve got my dog ( who ws a daddy’s girl ) shes now my comfort at night up lying on bed
3 Likes
I know it just a terrible nightmare we’re all going through and being truthful will probably always will ( that how i feel) and should because i loved him so much I used to think i ws strong after losing my mum and dad at 28yrs old but still had my husband and son ( my family life to go back to and grieve) nothing prepares you for this pain And being truthful sometimes i don’t want too but keep trying for my son and wee dog its just so a bleak future ahead i ws saying to friend life is about looking forward to adventure, holidays and now ive nothing to look ahead too without him here to experience with me
3 Likes
I lost him in August 2023, so still fairly new to this. I find if I am driven to tears, I just let them flow, almost like it is a safety valve. You do you. Not what other people think you should do. There is no right or wrong way. If you are not ready to ‘move on’, that is nobody’s business but yours.
4 Likes
All days were long for me in the early days and I guess its pretty much the same for most of us here. Bedtime seemed, and did, become earlier and earlier and it didn’t help that I am one of those people whose head hits the pillow and are asleep almost immediately.
But when I realised that bedtime was now before 8pm and I hadn’t spoken to anyone, I knew I had to do something. Initially it was spending time in town, at least I had to speak to someone when ordering a coffee! After a while, I joined a couple of social groups and after finding a one I liked, ended up on a few walks and visits to places. My social life started to take shape. A few years down the road and looking back, I think this was my turning point.
I think that for many, when we lose a partner, we also lose many of our social connections, our friends etc because the glue that kept those connections together was the partner we had lost. The hard part for us is to forge new connections on our own and not be put off if, joining one group is not to our liking because another maybe just what we are after.
It is really important, not just for happiness but also for our mental wellbeing, that we have friends and social groups we belong to.
Whilst it may be early days for many, I would encourage you to take the plunge, find local groups that may interest you and start that slow, but steady path towards rebuilding your life. I think of it as moving forward whilst holding hands with my past.
I am not sure where you live but there are many widow groups out there which offer coffee mornings etc. Embark2.co.uk is the group I belong to and next week I am attending a coffee morning/walk in London but they also have coffee mornings all over the UK.
There are many other groups online, you just find the one thats a good fit for you and don’t be put off if the first one isn’t to your liking.
Best wishes
John
6 Likes
I don’t think there is anything wrong with talking to yourself. It is something I have done for years, especially if I am wrestling with a difficult decision I can have an entire discussion with myself. You know what? It works as a way of thinking something through. Nowt wrong with it in my book.
5 Likes
@Ilovehorses the fact that you are thinking about these things is good. You will know when you are ready…you cross over…a strange feeling, it’s a letting go because you can’t continue in a permanent state of grief and sadness. It’s a knowing that you are letting them go, even though you don’t want to. Life won’t allow any of us to stand still forever. We have no choice but to move forward, life propels us whether we like it or not and holding on to the past gets to a point that it no longer serves us. I am totally on my own so I know friends are not going to come knocking at the door and I have to put myself out there. I am taking it slowly and doing something out of my comfort zone each week, small things but know they will get bigger. The hardest saddest part is leaving him behind. So much has happened in the 12 mths since he passed that it is all becoming further and further away from me. I find this stage the hardest. Even looking at his photo feels like it is now a lifetime ago… I feel we are quite similar in our thought process
1 Like