So sorry to hear how suddenly your husband passed and awful to be faced
With this whilst you were abroad… although tragic for your son to see also a blessing he was there with you so you could support each other…
I thought I heard a strange noise in the night like a
Growling but assumed it was my puppy awful to think that could have been my partners last breadth…
Life will never be the same I will never love someone so deeply again…Not having the chance to tell them how much we loved them and hug them and be with them in the end is devastating… I always thought I would be caring for him in our old age…
I keep telling myself at
Least he went quick and didn’t suffer… he wouldn’t have wanted to be bed ridden…
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Exactly i know how you feel about never loving someone like that again I’ve been told im still young ( 55) and have my life ahead of me so did my husband(57) but I’ve already had that and it ws great and should still be We now just have to try and dig deep and get strength fro somewhere yo continue like uou I’ve got my dog ( who ws a daddy’s girl ) shes now my comfort at night up lying on bed
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We have to but we don’t want too… I’m finding it so hard to move forward… I can’t
Find pleasure in the things we used to do together… just feel
Like I’m on this long lonely road and feel
Like I want to speed it up to be with him I’m 58
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I know it just a terrible nightmare we’re all going through and being truthful will probably always will ( that how i feel) and should because i loved him so much I used to think i ws strong after losing my mum and dad at 28yrs old but still had my husband and son ( my family life to go back to and grieve) nothing prepares you for this pain And being truthful sometimes i don’t want too but keep trying for my son and wee dog its just so a bleak future ahead i ws saying to friend life is about looking forward to adventure, holidays and now ive nothing to look ahead too without him here to experience with me
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I lost him in August 2023, so still fairly new to this. I find if I am driven to tears, I just let them flow, almost like it is a safety valve. You do you. Not what other people think you should do. There is no right or wrong way. If you are not ready to ‘move on’, that is nobody’s business but yours.
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All days were long for me in the early days and I guess its pretty much the same for most of us here. Bedtime seemed, and did, become earlier and earlier and it didn’t help that I am one of those people whose head hits the pillow and are asleep almost immediately.
But when I realised that bedtime was now before 8pm and I hadn’t spoken to anyone, I knew I had to do something. Initially it was spending time in town, at least I had to speak to someone when ordering a coffee! After a while, I joined a couple of social groups and after finding a one I liked, ended up on a few walks and visits to places. My social life started to take shape. A few years down the road and looking back, I think this was my turning point.
I think that for many, when we lose a partner, we also lose many of our social connections, our friends etc because the glue that kept those connections together was the partner we had lost. The hard part for us is to forge new connections on our own and not be put off if, joining one group is not to our liking because another maybe just what we are after.
It is really important, not just for happiness but also for our mental wellbeing, that we have friends and social groups we belong to.
Whilst it may be early days for many, I would encourage you to take the plunge, find local groups that may interest you and start that slow, but steady path towards rebuilding your life. I think of it as moving forward whilst holding hands with my past.
I am not sure where you live but there are many widow groups out there which offer coffee mornings etc. Embark2.co.uk is the group I belong to and next week I am attending a coffee morning/walk in London but they also have coffee mornings all over the UK.
There are many other groups online, you just find the one thats a good fit for you and don’t be put off if the first one isn’t to your liking.
Best wishes
John
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Hi John
Thank you for your post I know this is something I need to do but feel I’m not quite ready yet it’s only been 8 months since my Chris passed…
I have booked a couple of holidays one with my sister and one on my own with my doggie but I can’t say I’m overjoyed like I used to be when going away and planning holidays with Chris…
I don’t like this new norm… I’ve never been good on my own I’m a bit of a chatterbox finding I’m talking to myself a lot around the house…that can’t be a good sign…
anyway I wish you well
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I don’t think there is anything wrong with talking to yourself. It is something I have done for years, especially if I am wrestling with a difficult decision I can have an entire discussion with myself. You know what? It works as a way of thinking something through. Nowt wrong with it in my book.
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@Ilovehorses the fact that you are thinking about these things is good. You will know when you are ready…you cross over…a strange feeling, it’s a letting go because you can’t continue in a permanent state of grief and sadness. It’s a knowing that you are letting them go, even though you don’t want to. Life won’t allow any of us to stand still forever. We have no choice but to move forward, life propels us whether we like it or not and holding on to the past gets to a point that it no longer serves us. I am totally on my own so I know friends are not going to come knocking at the door and I have to put myself out there. I am taking it slowly and doing something out of my comfort zone each week, small things but know they will get bigger. The hardest saddest part is leaving him behind. So much has happened in the 12 mths since he passed that it is all becoming further and further away from me. I find this stage the hardest. Even looking at his photo feels like it is now a lifetime ago… I feel we are quite similar in our thought process
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Your so right about what you say…
I had my grandson over tonight he used to stay three days a week he had a few mental health issues and he was always found things calmer at ours… since his grandad died he says he feels odd and never wants to stay anymore it makes me 
Tonight I took the plunge and went to the pub on my own… ordered a Bailey’s and a bag of crisps and chatted to the bar staff…
I really needed adult company… I just couldn’t stand another night alone with just me and the dog!
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Feel exactly the same just getting by, it doesn’t seem real, I expects him to come in the door, so dreadful, can only send you a big hug and hope all of us on here can find a way to keep going.
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Feel exactly the same big hug for you x
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Hi Liro,
I
I am feeling alone, I am not special anymore.
My family do their best for me which I appreciate. This is third time this has happened to me. I feel I am being punished
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Yes Christina, you are special. To your family and friends and everyone on here.
We’re all special
Loneliness is one of the worst parts of this grief journey. Along with the missing and the total devastation we feel.
But somehow we’ve got to accept it and get out of this hole.
I don’t know how, but I know we have to try.
You’re not alone, we’re all here to listen
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