Good morning here we all face another long day all full of unanswered questions, misery,uncontrollable tears and being on our own without our loved ones. I for one hate waking in the mornings because as soon as i drag myself out of bed it feels like im in hell, my heart is pumping, my insides feeling like im shaking and i dont want to spend another day without my partner. Every morning he would text me that he loved me even though we were in the same house but it was something he done whilst he was still in essex waiting to move up to me, he would wake me with a kiss and a cup of tea and now its me waking up alone trting to make sense of everything, my body aches for him to be here with me and not all alone in the chapel of rest,i hate this new life 
I know how you feel.
My partner passed 5 weeks ago, he’d been very poorly, but I never imagined life could be this empty and pointless.
I’m only 52, my only living relative is my 82 year old mother, who I’m driving slowly round the bend, but I can’t help it. There just seems no way round it.
I look forward to bed time and dread waking up again.
My partner was so worried about how I’d be when he’d gone, but there’s nothing I seem to be able to do to make anything any better.
It feels like we are just existing, i have my kids grandkids etc and as much as i love them i am still lonely, thry have their own lives and what do i have,loneliness, a home that feels empty now i just turned 60 and was not looking forward to it but accepted it and less than week after he was gone , now i feel like i want the years to move fast so its my time to go join him ,im so sorry for your loss ,at least we can be here for each other to talk too xx
I’m almost 6 months in. I’m still in hell, but what I will tell you ladies is that I am able to function a little better and hold it together. The anxiety, sadness, loneliness and feelings of being terrified are all still very real and present. But we do learn to live with it. We somehow adjust. I cry everyday. I miss my Dave immensely. He was only 54, I am 48 and we have 6 young adults (our children) youngest is 19. Our friends completely vanished after the funeral. Which really hurts. But we move.
Sending huge hugs to you both. Take each day an hour at a time, don’t be forced into anything your not comfortable with. And most importantly, be kind to yourself 
Heartbreaking isn’t it. I lost my wife 6 weeks ago after having cancer for 12 years, each annual event wondering if it was our last. She was ok up to the last year or so and though it was a blessing that her suffering ended it doesn’t really help.
We had plenty of time to talk about the inevitable and i promised I’d move on and be happy. I have no idea how to do that.
I just feel angry and robbed.
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you, its amazing how when it furst happens your house is inundated with people and then 1 by 1 they disappear, they always say their a phone call away but i personally feel whats the point in phoning because i dont want to hear about their days or holidays or whatever that they have spent with their happy families and i k ow thats selfish but they dont know what its like to loose a partner how bloody lonely it is and how depressed we are feeling, the tears we cry every god damn day xx
Thank you for this
Take an hour at a time, we have forever to go. There is no rush or no right or wrong way to greiving. Sending love and hugs x
Yes your house is not your own when it first happens. The police came to my house at 13:23 with the dreaded news. By 14:00 hrs my house, driveway and garden was full of people. It was the same for the 5 weeks before the funeral. Then nothing. I reached out to friends 5 weeks after the funeral and was hit with how devastated they were and they had lost someone too and tears and I tried to be there for them but they were not there for me and our children. I couldn’t be bothered. Noone realises the sheer devastation of losing your person and I care not to explain. The whole process is physically, mentally and emotionally draining. So I tapped out.
I lost my 1st husband suddenly 7 years ago he was 7 years younger than me and never thought he would go before me , never got to say goodbye then 4 years ago through total chance i met my partner and we clciked and he moved to where i lived, never did i think i would find love and happiness again but i did but now iv lost it all again and i will say this and i know its only been over a week but i will never till the day i die ever be with anyone else i will stay on my own because my heart can stand this pain ,i am so sorry for the loss of your wife and cant imagine what you have been through, why is life so cruel to good people x
It is awful it truly is. I am still in shock what i walked into the night if 1st aug when i came from work,it had been a normal morning he sent usual texts photos of our dog getting into mischief, telling me how much he loved me, my last message was 16.26pm i got home just after 8.30pm to see him dead on the sofa in our sunroom,a picture that wont gonout my head the why would you do this, why didnt you tell me what you were feeling, questions which will never be answered, i had to leave my home that night as forensics had to come, i have ring door bell and watched all the coming and goings till 0520am xx
You are more than likely still in shock and disbelief. It’s still very early days for you. Your pain is validated and it’s very real and raw. There are no words I can say to give you comfort. But do keep going, we have 2 choices, keep going or fall into that deep hole that looks so inviting because you just want to hide away and be with your love. I chose life because I have no idea where my Dave is. I have no idea who I am or what I’m doing or what my future holds but it’s got to be better than the unknown.
Love and hugs, Jen xx
Oh goodness, life is so cruel xx
I know exact what your saying ,its so hard to try and motivate myself, im ok when i have company but everyone has to leave and then the anxiety and fear sets.in and i hate it and i dont eant to do this again xx
Cruel is an understatement, i feel like if there is a god he must really hate me xx
Sorry, that was probably a massive understatement on my part. I’m trying to think of the right words, but my mind’s just gone blank x
Oh please i didnt mean anything by my comment and you worded it correctly it was in my own mind x
Hi Reg,I
I lost my wife fourteen weeks ago to cancer and know what you’re going through.
Since her passing I have no idea what to do.
I can’t make a decision to save my life.
I too am still angry and devastated,it’s just day to day rubbish.
Sending you all my best.
Ron.
Thanks Ron11, people keep saying its still early days. Doesn’t help does it. I promised I’d get on with my life, but she’d become my life. I need to find a new normal but for now, as you say keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep doing the everyday chores.
5 months today for me and you’re right - it is a living hell.
Isn’t it amazing how people just disappear when someone dies.
Some of my friends have really been here for me, although I see how they hate seeing me so sad and broken, but a couple of really good old friends have just dropped of the face of the earth.
A couple of his friends message me out of the blue to say can they drop in as they are passing by my way, even though I’ve told them repeatedly that I need time to be able to prepare myself emotionally to see them. They just don’t seem to get it.
His family just want me to say everything is fine and when I say we are finding it hard then they don’t get back in touch.
Only his dad really gets it as he lost his wife 3 years ago.
I find the hurt that causes just compounds the pain and then I question myself as to if I am expecting too much from people ?
Sorry for the rant - having a bad day today but of all the things that bother me, the lack of compassion and understanding really gets to me.
Sending hugs to all xx